INTRODUCTION Let us go back and study the case of Johnny and Miss Innocent, described in chapter I. She is not particularly interested in swimming, but she is interested in Johnny's character. The minute she met him she said to herself, "I'll bet he's a real man." She has been eagerly looking for something to back up her belief in him. As explained in chapter I, Johnny then launches into a tiresome description of the different strokes that would bore the ordinary girl to death. Now watch Her Innocence. The tiresome monologue causes her mind to wander, as it would anyone's else, but in her case the mind wanders to the right things. She observes to herself that he is an enthusiastic, boyish, likable sort of a fellow. She notices that he is eager to be understood for what he is, and she likes him for that eagerness. In his apparent mastery of his accomplishment she thinks she sees patience and purpose and strength. Above all, she sees in him a strong and manly character. Johnny hasn't felt so competent and manly in a month of Sundays. Incidentally he is beginning to feel that Innocent herself is a timid and tender, but most womanly and girlish creature. He may even suspect that other people don't realize her frail womanliness and that he had better keep a watch over her to prevent her timid feelings from getting abused. During the week while he is waiting for his next meeting with Innocent, Johnny meets many other girls. But these girls don't bring out the contrast between their tenderness and his strength, they don't make him feel particularly manly. Some of them, indeed, by their businesslike way of going about things, their manner of being very well able to get along without him or any other man, make him feel as if he were no stronger and no more masterly than they are…Consequently Johnny can't help feeling the vast difference between Innocent and these other girls…They may be pretty, and even beautiful, but, so far as he is concerned, they are repulsively unwomanly. Needless to say, the swimming lesson, a week later, gives Innocent plenty of opportunity to contrast her timid girlishness with his brave manliness. Later, as they are dawdling over refreshments in a tea room, Innocent sets out to demolish further Johnny's barrier of reserve. She is convinced that Johnny is as masterly in other matters as he is in swimming, and she is anxious to have this proved. So she throws out a few gentle hints. She intimates that with his mastery over his muscles he must be a wonderful dancer...But this time she is baffled, for Johnny cannot dance at all...She now tries another tack; she tells him that he reminds her of a great deal of the vice-president of the company by which she is employed. (Innocent herself, by the way, is a stenographer.) Johnny smiles and wants to know wherein the resemblance lies. Innocent replies that both have the same air of authority about them...Though it is very agreeable for Johnny to hear that she is thus favorably impressed with him, he does not choose to disclose anything about his business--for the simple reason that he is not particularly proud of the position he holds and is afraid to weaken himself in her good opinion. His reserve is again in the foreground. BODY Innocent sees that she has touched a subject upon which Johnny is sensitive, that his reserve is far from being entirely undermined, and she is very much disappointed. She is anxious to admire Johnny in the part of a business man as well as in the role of a swimmer. She feels that his business life as well as his athletic life would be characterized by courage, daring, competence, skill, and masterful control. She even believes that Johnny doesn't appreciate himself in business as he ought to do, that he is blind to his own merits because of discouraging but unfair circumstances. She is persuaded that, if given a chance, he will play the part of a real man anywhere and everywhere.
There is only one thing to do--set about patiently to undermine the reserve again. The first requirement in overcoming this reserve is, as brought out in the last chapter, to show a friendly interest in the man, what he thinks and does and stands for. Innocent is already doing this to the best of her ability. The second requirement is to look for the manly things in his character which you can appreciate and to show your appreciation for them. Innocent is also doing that. The third requirement is to emphasize her own frail femininity and to bring out the contrast between it and the man’s bold and daring masculinity. Innocent has not failed in this respect. The fourth requirement is to show in her treatment of others that she has a naturally sympathetic and appreciative character. The fifth requirement is to impress him with the fact that she never betrays a confidence, that she holds sacred the thoughts and feelings of others. At this point, therefore, innocent can safely begin to talk about herself…Though it would have been a mistake for Innocent to talk about herself in the beginning, when his interest was centered wholly in himself, it would be a still greater mistake for her not to do so now, when the question of biggest moment to him is whether or not Innocent is a character with whom he can trust his most vital secrets…She doesn't show the worst side of her character. She doesn't indicate how critical she is of people in general, she doesn't display her facility at sarcasm, for nothing else would more quickly frighten Johnny into his shell of reserve. She shows instead how sweetly sympathetic and appreciative she is of everyone, everywhere. She tells about things at her office, how she sympathizes with the people in it who have brains and ability and courage but don't get an opportunity to use them. She shows how indignant she is when the boss gives an employee a raw deal. She tells of men in the office, and girls too, whose light is hidden under a bushel. When Johnny calls at her home the following Sunday, Innocent arranges to show herself in her best light. Innocent, by the way, has tried to be a beautiful character at home as well as elsewhere; she is therefore not afraid of showing herself in the home atmosphere. He tells her about the position he holds at the office, how little opportunity it gives to his ambitions, how sure he is that if he was only given the chance he could accomplish big things… Now is Her Innocence at one of the most critical periods of their acquaintanceship…SHE MUST NOT FORGET THAT THOUGH JOHNNY WANTS SYMPATHETIC APPRECIATION, HE ALSO WANTS TO ACT THE PART OF MAN AND HERO, THE SUPERIOR AND CHIVALROUS MALE…But if Innocent makes the wrong step now, she can shatter his dream in an instant, she can bring back his doubts of himself, intensified and confirmed, she can make him feel, indeed, that he is an ineffectual and futile excuse for a real man. If even she, who has shown every evidence of an appreciative character and a predisposition to estimate him at his best, cannot maintain that belief in his genuine manhood, then he has little hope indeed of pretending to be a man and a hero, either in his own estimation or in the estimation of others. It is not words that count here; it is thoughts. Most girls, in this predicament, would indeed sympathize with Johnny, but the sympathy would be rather motherly, would intimate that here is a brave little fellow who ought to be encouraged. But an attitude like that wouldn't make Johnny feel like a man and a hero. Other girls would betray a good-fellow attitude, an air of understanding his problems because they have the same problems, of comparing his position with their own in the lack of opportunity it gives, of letting him know how familiar they are with the conditions against which he is struggling. But this would make Johnny feel as if they considered him their equal, no more able and competent than themselves, not the man they would turn to for masterful guidance, protection and care, not the brave and mighty male who since time began has lorded it over his womankind. Innocent now applies the surest method she knows of to intensify that feeling, the "beauty in distress" method, the appeal to his sense of chivalry. She lets him know something about her own troubles, whether real or fancied, so that he can enjoy the sense of superiority and power it gives him to belittle those troubles and to help her helplessness. She tells him how she wants to change her position, but how frightened she is at the prospect of looking for another. She tells how she dreads to approach a stranger to ask for a position, how she fears criticism if she doesn't fulfill requirements. Johnny attempts to laugh away her fears, tells her how little he himself would be dismayed by such small matters, tells her in detail just how and when and where she should go about her task, and realizes in the end what a vast difference there is after all between the tenderness and the timorousness of women and the hardihood and decisiveness of men. NO ONE CAN IMAGINE THE SATISFACTION WHICH THE COMFORTING AND GUIDING AND CHEERING OF THIS FRAIL LITTLE CREATURE GIVES HIM. Even if he can play the part before no one else, he can play the part of man and hero before her; and you may rest assured he is going to miss no opportunity to play it and is going to seek as much of Innocent's society as he can. CONCLUSION We are now in a position to summarize the lessons learned from the experience of Johnny and Innocent…These methods, as we have learned from the example of Johnny and Innocent, fall under two main subdivisions. First, the girl must continue to undermine the man's reserve. Second, she must continue to make him feel like a man and a hero.
Five Ways to Undermine the Man's Reserve. 2. Look for and appreciate the manly things in his character. 3. Emphasize your tender femininity by contrasting it with his virile masculinity. 4. Show that you have a naturally sympathetic and appreciative character. 5. Show that you respect the thoughts and feelings of
others, that you hold confidences sacred. 2. Look for and find the proof of his manliness in what he says and does. 3. Contrast his manliness with your frail femininity. 4. Make him feel infinitely braver, stronger and abler than you are. 5. Show an infinite trust and faith in his ability to take care of you. 6. Act the part of "beauty in distress"--let him enjoy the belittling of your fears, the helping of your helplessness, and the exhibition of the all-round superiority of masculinity. The only way for you to learn how to apply these methods is to practice continually, practice upon every man you meet, on your father and your brother as well as upon your employer or your professor. HW ASSIGNMENT CHAPTER 14 Undermining the Man’s Reserve. Due midnight, Wednesday, October 7, 2009. Please email me your answers to 1Femmy@gmail.com. 1. What effect does Miss Innocent have on Johnny, especially during the following week? 2. During their second date, what are the steps Miss Innocent takes to banish his reserve and prove he is masterly in other matters. 3. Explain why and when it is important for Miss Innocent to talk about herself. 4. List the 3 things she doesn’t talk about herself; list the 4 things she does talk about herself. 5. Why is it so critical when a man confesses something to his woman? 6. How would most girls react to his confession? 7. What is Miss Innocent’s response to his confession? 8. Memorize the 5 Ways to Undermine the Man’s Reserve. 9. Memorize the 6 Methods of Making the Hero. |
HW 14 completed by...
* Sally Jane
* S moselle