INTRODUCTION

As was brought out in the first chapter, the next step, after a man's attention has been attracted, is to arouse and maintain the interest…How to bring about this transformation is the question with which we will now deal.

It is obvious that you cannot arouse interest unless you first have some idea of what a man is likely to be interested in. Different men, of course, are interested in different things; but there is one interest that they all have in common--and that is themselves. Even those who apparently are most unselfish have nevertheless an absorbing interest in their own ideas, their own philanthropies, their own hopes and ambitions, their own families or communities or countries…He is interested in sports only because he can display a certain skill or knowledge of them, he is interested in politics or religion only because he has a few pet ideas on the subjects, and he is interested in business only because he feels that he can accomplish big things in that field.

He must be made to realize that he can confide his motives and aspirations to you without the least fear of ridicule or disrespect, that indeed you will interpret them in the most favorable way and will appreciate his character all the more because of the confidence he has placed in you.

These also meeting with encouragement, HE FINALLY LAYS HIS HEART BARE BEFORE YOU, THAT YOU MAY KNOW WHAT MANNER OF MAN HE IS, AND THAT YOU MAY APPRECIATE IN EVERY DETAIL THE SUBTLETY, SINCERITY, STEADFASTNESS AND POWER OF HIS MANLY CHARACTER.

Like every male, from the peacock and the rooster to the bull and the lion, he likes to strut before the female of the species, show what peculiarities and powers are his, and enjoy the admiration and appreciation which those qualifications evoke…He wants appreciation and admiration, but he dreads contempt and ridicule.

 BODY

One of the first things that will encourage confidence is for you to show a friendly interest in the man, in what he thinks, does, and stands for. This does not mean that you should be inquisitive, or that you should urge him to tell you things that he would shrink from telling others. Nor does it mean that your interest should be too obvious…If he speaks of details of his hobby or his business that cannot possibly matter to you, don't betray your indifference.

It will seem difficult at first to become interested in dry-as-dust subjects, of which you know little and care less. If you will follow this rule, however, you will meet with less difficulty. Listen not so much to what is being said, as to the man who is saying it. Notice how absorbed he is in the subject, how he has mastered the intricate details, how he glories in his skill and knowledge, how he has worked out and developed his own ideas, how loyal and devoted he is to them, what mental or moral power he can wield, what a genuine man he is when you come to know him…MANY GIRLS AT THIS POINT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF APPRECIATING THE WRONG THING, ADMIRING WHAT IS SAID INSTEAD OF THE MAN WHO SAYS IT.

To be interesting to all men, a woman need merely acquire the habit of discovering and appreciating the manliness in every man she meets.

YOU WILL ALSO NOTICE THAT THE GIRL MAKES HER APPRECIATION DOUBLY WELCOME BECAUSE SHE HERSELF LACKS OR APPEARS TO LACK THE MANLINESS OF CHARACTER SHE IS ADMIRING. The same appreciation coming from a manlike woman, with manlike qualities of character, would not be welcome; for in that case the man could not enjoy the sense of superiority which is so essential to masterful masculinity. The contrast is what makes the appreciation interesting.

Mistakes That Drive Men Away.

Your attitude should be that, while you appreciate certain qualities in him, it is only because you lack them yourself and because those qualities always arouse your wonder and admiration--whether in him or in any other man. Often when men are interested in and enjoy the society of certain girls, they are driven away by their manifest inclination to take things seriously. Remember, therefore, that even though the man evidences a genuine interest in you, he wants to go no farther than the enjoyment of your society. He likes to play with you, and likes to imagine that you want merely to play with him; you meet each other, in his opinion, merely as an enjoyable pastime, merely to share the fun of living… Keep your relationship on this basis and you will not frighten the man away… A mere intimation, however, that you are taking matters seriously, even when the man delights in your society, will cause him to shun you altogether. HE IS NOT LOOKING FOR A WIFE, BUT ONLY FOR A PLAYMATE. IF THE PLAYMATE LATER BECOMES A WIFE, IT WILL BE BECAUSE HIS LIKING FOR HER HAS INCREASED TO SUCH A POINT THAT HE CAN'T HELP HIMSELF. 

CONCLUSION

Another way to inspire confidence is to show In your treatment of others that you have an appreciative character. If you are naturally appreciative, he will not fear ridicule or contempt when he confides his ideals and ambitions to you. If, on the contrary, he suspects that you are naturally critical and scornful, with an eye open for every fault you can find in those around you, he will be afraid to expose his own intimate feelings to your criticism and contempt.

Common Mistakes to Avoid.

Consequently you must not tell him about your quarrels with your acquaintance; about your poor opinion of this or that person. You must not betray envy, or jealousy, or scorn or contempt...Even when you cannot approve of what someone does or says, you must show your appreciation of his motives and character…He likes to believe that his confidences will meet with a generous and admiring interpretation, not with a mean and fault-finding one.

We now begin to appreciate the importance of the lovely character which we advised you to develop in chapter V…Without such a character, you may indeed attract his attention, but you may not be able to arouse his interest, and you may have no opportunity whatever to create desire, convince judgment, and secure action. You will have to stop at the second of the five stages in the process of winning the man. There is no use, accordingly, in your proceeding any further until you go back to chapter V, review it carefully, and practice the principles it elucidates.

In fact, there is no better way in which you can undermine reserve and encourage confidence than by playing the game outlined in chapter V, especially the part about finding something appreciative to say to or about everyone you know, and finding the good things to admire in everyone's character. You must practice this art, play this game, upon everyone, everywhere. You must make the playing of it a part of your personality… But when you have learned to wrap your little brother around your finger, and your dad, and your mother, and your landlady, or your employer, and your maid, and the little child next door, and the iceman, and the delivery boy, you will have no difficulty at all in doing the same thing to almost any man you meet… Practice makes perfect. Search for the good qualities in everyone you meet and show your appreciation of them. This is the easiest way to develop a beautiful, confidence inspiring, and adorable character in yourself. Unless you do this, it will be impossible for you to act the part of Angela Human, the woman who is most attractive to men.

It will also be necessary, if you wish to break down the man's reserve and encourage his confidence, that you hold sacred the thoughts and feelings of others, that what is confided to you will never be exposed to the criticism or ridicule of others who are not so appreciative…If you disclose the secrets of others, the man will take it for granted that you will disclose his also, will be careful not to confide anything to you, and will give you no opportunity to appreciate the things that count about himself.

To summarize, there are three ways in which you can encourage a man to confide to you something sacred about himself. First, by showing an appreciative and friendly interest in him; second, by showing that you appreciate others, that you have an appreciative character; and third, by holding sacred the confidences of others.