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THE FIVE STAGES OF WINNING A MAN

Five Underlying Principles of Human Nature

Let us now examine the methods of the salesman and the orator, to see if we can determine upon a few of the underlying principles of human nature involved in winning men. We will then watch a young lady applying the same principles. The first thing we shall learn is that every man, in being won, passes through five stages. These stages are attention, interest, desire, judgment and action. A man cannot be won unless his attention has first been attracted, unless the attention grows into interest, unless the interest grows into desire, and unless his desire is sustained by his judgment. Steered successfully through these four stages, he is ready for the fifth stage-action-when he surrenders to the desire that has been created in him.

Winning men cannot be anything else but arousing a desire and getting them to act upon it. Attention and interest are a necessary preparation for desire, and the approval of judgment is usually a necessary preparation for action.

CONCLUSION

EXAMPLES TAKEN FROM THE STORY OF JOHNNY AND MISS INNOCENT

The Story of Johnny and Miss Innocent.

Every man, under the hypnotic spell of an attractive girl goes through the same stages. Let us now observe these principles put in practice by little Miss Innocent, a neighbor of yours whose alarming fascination for men has always seemed a miracle to you. Watch her!

GETTING ATTENTION.

Innocent never stays home longer than absolutely necessary. She is always gadding about where she can be seen and noticed. Wherever a group of men can be found and the presence of girls can in any way be sanctioned, there you will find Her Innocence in all her glory. Not only does she advertise herself by appearing everywhere, but she also takes pains to appear at her best. Her hair is always arranged in just the fashion most becoming to her; her complexion has just the right touch of cosmetics; and her attire, even if she has to be her own dressmaker, is always the most girlish and the most cuddlesome to be found. Her shoes and ankles are neat and trim as can be, and her skirt is of just the length affected by the most attractive women she knows. She sees to it, whether consciously or unconsciously, that in any crowd of girls she stands out as one of the most feminine. While other girls are discussing sport or personalities, she is thinking of her appearance, fixing a stray hair, eyeing herself in the glass, or sizing up the men. She is never unconscious that she is a woman and that men are around who might notice her. She is ever on the alert for their appreciative glances. A man might gaze a minute or two at another girl, deliberately weigh her charms, and decide whether or not he is interested, all without detection; but he cannot thus calmly decide matters for himself with Innocent. Let him but steal a glance in her direction and he is immediately detected. She lets him catch her startled eye, drops her lashes in pretty confusion, and, if possible, even engineers a blush. Can anything be better calculated to attract man's attention? There you have the first stage.

AROUSING INTEREST.

Now let's spy upon her methods with Johnny Hopeful, who has just succeeded in being introduced to Her Innocence. Does she talk about herself? Not she! That's no way to arouse Johnny's interest. She talks about Johnny-or rather, she gently leads Johnny to talking about himself. After a few searching but seemingly artless questions she quickly discovers that Johnny considers himself a fairly expert swimmer. Upon this her eyes and her attitude show every indication of amazement. "How can he keep from sinking?" Plainly a man who can swim is to her an extraordinary being. As Johnny undertakes to explain how easy swimming is when you know how, he begins to think that maybe there is something worthy of admiration about his mastery of this accomplishment. And when Innocent refuses to believe that swimming is easy, and insists that she herself could never stay above water, the feeling dawns upon him that if he were not a man, and a real man at that, he might have found swimming more difficult. Now, as Johnny isn't very often made to feel that he is exceptionally manly, he finds the sensation rather pleasant. Desirous of basking a little longer in the sunshine of those awe-struck, hero-worshiping eyes, he launches into a long, technical discussion of the different strokes, professedly to show how simple they are, but really to show how simple they are for a masterful man like Johnny. Although Innocent doesn't understand a word of his technicalities, Johnny doesn't care not while those eyes persist in regarding him as an extraordinary man among men. Before the evening is over, Johnny has engaged to take her to the natatorium and give Her Innocence a first lesson. Anticipating the pleasure of showing off his swan dive, his side stroke, and his crawl before the appreciative eyes of Innocent, Johnny can hardly wait for the day to arrive. Is Johnny interested? Foolish question! The second stage is so far completed that the third is well begun. CREATING DESIRE.

When Johnny gets home, those eyes, to his amazement, monopolize his thoughts and haunt his dreams. "I've known prettier girls," he tells himself over and over again, "but none of them has eyes like hers." Anyone else could see, of course, that the only unusual thing about them is the unalloyed respect, approval, and appreciation with which they regard Johnny. The most beautiful eyes, in the loveliest face, of the most charming woman that ever lived, would not fascinate Johnny thus if there was in them the slightest shadow, so far as Johnny is concerned, of criticism, suspicion or disrespect. So long as the eyes of Her Innocence continue this flattering behavior, just so long will Innocent herself be to him an irresistible and inescapable magnet unless other eyes should come along which behave even more flatteringly. Ever so often, he discovers, his self-esteem must be bolstered by her reiterated appreciation; when he feels, as he often does, that others do not value him according to his deserts, his only relief from despondence is to be found in the comforting and uplifting companionship of Innocent.

Sympathetic Understanding-The Magic Force in Creating Desire.

As time progresses he gradually unfolds his hopes, plans, ideals and ambitions-all the cherished fancies which, in fear of ridicule, have hitherto been screened from all but himself. And perhaps you think he doesn't relish the approval which each additional revelation seems to meet! So great is his enjoyment that, when he has finally told everything admirable there is to tell about himself, he will draw upon his imagination for revelations equally admirable, but not equally true. Deserved or undeserved, her appreciation is too rare and grateful a thing for him to scruple at a little exaggeration. INDEED, HE BECOMES SO INTOXICATED WITH THIS UNPRECEDENTED SYMPATHY THAT HE CANNOT DISTINGUISH VERY WELL BETWEEN THE DESERVED AND THE UNDESERVED; HE BELIEVES HIMSELF A BETTER MAN THAN HE EVER BEFORE THOUGHT HIMSELF, LOOKS UPON HIS PAST PERFORMANCES AS UNWORTHY OF HIS TRUE CHARACTER, AND CONFIDENTLY EXPECTS HIS FUTURE LIFE TO JUSTIFY HER EXALTED CONCEPTION OF HIM. In view of these honorable aspirations, who can say that the esteem of Innocent is wholly unjustified? Certainly not Johnny, who finds this appreciation indispensable to his peace of mind, and who has absolute faith in his future, if not in his present, worthiness. Finding himself, at first, unable to live without her appreciation, he soon finds himself equally unable to live without the girl herself. The desire is created. Will Her Innocence nurse it into action?

SATISFYING JUDGMENT.

Not immediately; for Innocent learns, just as the salesman and the orator learn, that action does not always follow desire. If Johnny's judgment tells him that marriage is unwise, he will struggle with his desire and endeavor by every means possible to overcome it. He may, for example, question very reasonably whether his salary, which has hitherto sufficed for himself alone, can be made to suffice for two. He may not be sure that the salary, such as it is, will continue; his position may be so new as to feel insecure, the boss may at times act cantankerous, luck may be running against him in other ways, until poor Johnny feels that the world and his position in it is a very shaky affair indeed. When a man in these circumstances contemplates marriage, there are quite a few things to think about besides the mere gratification of his wishes. Johnny's judgment, therefore, warns him to step carefully.

Miss Innocent Makes a Shrewd Guess.

Now Innocent, vixen that she is, knows Johnny well enough by this time to make a shrewd guess as to the obstruction that is baffling him; but, even though she knows exactly what it is, and though she feels sure that the mountain is in reality a molehill, she cannot do as the salesman and the orator do-frankly and openly undertake to remove the obstruction. As Johnny has not yet breathed a word of his desires to her, it would be unutterably bold and unmaidenly for her to profess any knowledge of them. Imagine a modest little girl like Innocent saying: "You don't have to tell me how you feel, I know already; these obstacles amount to nothing and this hesitation on your part is all nonsense; let's get married and prove it !" MUCH AS SHE MIGHT LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS, SHE DARES NOT MAKE THE REMOTEST REFERENCE TO THE SUBJECT OR GIVE THE SLIGHTEST INKLING OF HER CONSCIOUSNESS OF HIS DESIRE TO MARRY. WHAT, IN SUCH A PREDICAMENT, IS SHE TO DO? For the first time in her life, perhaps, Innocent does some intense thinking-mixed, of course, with one or two crying spells. For days and days Johnny remains uppermost in her mind, and as a result a solution of her problem ultimately begins to take shape. Johnny's present salary is only temporary. Johnny is still young. If he can earn a living now, surely he will do a great deal better than that in a year or two. Why, he's just beginning! Everybody has to begin at the bottom; but a man like Johnny certainly won't stay there very long. He must have more self-confidence, self-reliance. If he had that he wouldn't hesitate to ask her to wait for him; he would know that he was going to forge ahead in the race for supremacy and rise to the top with the best of his competitors. If he had the same confidence in himself that she has, matrimony would not appear such a hazardous undertaking. But how is Innocent going to inspire him with her own viewpoint of these matters?

How She Plays on Johnny's Moods.

Fortunately Johnny, like the rest of us, has his moods of optimism and of pessimism. Innocent now lies in wait for one of the optimistic moods. Meanwhile she deliberates upon the philosophy of success; she observes and reads about successful young men, discovers that success is mostly a matter of determination, willpower, persistence and self-reliance, and persuades herself that Johnny has all the qualifications needed. The first time, therefore, that Johnny shows an inclination to speak hopefully of his future outlook, Innocent is ready for him. Johnny's optimism, she shows, is nothing compared to her own; she dilates upon what she has learned of the ease of achieving success and upon what she has observed in Johnny that proves his natural aptitude for it. When she finishes, it seems absurd to think that Johnny, with his infinitely superior qualifications, cannot do what others have done, and Johnny, though professing at first a reluctance to accept this view of the matter, cannot in the long run disagree with it. It has all along been his luck that he doubted, not his ability. Now that bad luck is shown to be a trivial circumstance before a little determination and persistence, the pinnacle to which Johnny's natural talents will lift him is plainly to be seen. With the inborn vanity natural to every man confirmed by the sincere faith of a girl like Innocent, Johnny brims over with newfound self-assurance.

Johnny Returns For Sympathy.

It is not long, however, before his employer jolts it out of him, and Johnny, in the dumps, returns to Innocent for sympathy. The poor girl has to begin all over again her task of building up Johnny's self-assurance. She gradually shifts from sympathy to encouragement and optimism, and finally makes Johnny ashamed of himself for letting a mere employer, a real inferior in the things that count, shatter his self-confidence. True, his employer temporarily has the advantage of Johnny, but look at his age and look at the start he had; a year or two and their positions will be reversed, and then Johnny will show who is the superior. Thus is Johnny resuscitated. Now, although this resuscitation must be repeated every time Johnny meets with a reverse, it grows easier with each repetition. Self-confidence is a thing that grows upon a man, especially when it is frequently confirmed by another beside himself. Johnny, therefore, shows signs of a gradual change of character; he appears less often a diffident, discouraged and unambitious man, and more often a confident, positive, and compelling one. He acquires a sense of strength and power that makes both himself and others sit up and take notice. Under its influence, it seems reasonably certain that, even if his position does not immediately improve, before long it will. His judgment, therefore, may be said to be almost satisfied; but not quite, for he still cherishes a few mental reservations. This self-assurance is too new for him to place implicit confidence in it. What if, after undertaking to maintain a household, he should find himself mistaken about his ability to provide for it? With this and similar questions still confronting Johnny, it appears as if nothing short of a substantial increase in his earnings will ever bring him to the action stage.

PROMPTING ACTION.

Unaware that, under the circumstances, she is doing the thing best calculated to win Johnny over, Innocent grows restive. In a fit of petulance, SHE ENCOURAGES THE ATTENTION OF SEVERAL OTHER YOUNG MEN AND FOR A WEEK OR TWO DODGES ALL MEETINGS WITH THE EXASPERATING JOHNNY. When this behavior succeeds in arousing Johnny's resentment, Innocent suddenly becomes remorseful, contrives to meet Johnny accidently, and is so sweetly repentant that Johnny arranges to call on her again, if only to give her a piece of his mind. Meantime his indignation feeds upon itself, until, when he does call, he is almost bursting with the many bitter reproaches he has prepared to heap upon her.

A Moon, a Garden and a Lawn Swing.

Aware of what is coming, and aware also of her guilt in the matter, Innocent fears that any excuse she might offer will prove wholly inadequate. The only thing to do, she feels, is to render the deliverance of Johnny's reproaches difficult and thus to escape the necessity of offering any excuses. She therefore does not receive Johnny in the living room and under the glare of the electric lights. In such an environment there would be nothing to discourage his rebukes. Instead, she guides Johnny to the garden. Here, with a meek little girl sitting next to him in a lawn swing, with a big moon beaming a gentle benediction upon the world of lovers, with the scented night air rustling the leaves overhead and wafting wisps of soft hair against him, the environment is, to say the least, inappropriate for an indignation meeting. Most men, confronted with such a romantic situation, if they did not abandon their proposed denunciation altogether, would at any rate postpone it for a more propitious occasion. But, though Johnny feels the inappropriateness of the remarks he is about to deliver, his wrath is too great to be wholly subdued. He therefore begins. He discovers, however, that the successful delivery of a lecture by moonlight is difficult. In this romantic setting, where the dim light, the gentle breeze, the subdued sounds of distant activity, the vague outline of his companion, and the unwonted quiet of the girl herself, all suggest softness and tenderness, Johnny's words and voice sound to him frightfully harsh and brutal. The unresisting meekness of Innocent tempts him to go on and on until he feels that he has said far more than he intended saying, far more than the facts justified, and far more than this fragile creature can bear. He stops in dismay, self-convicted of the most appalling injustice, of the most colossal cruelty. He glances furtively at the averted head of Her Innocence. Her bosom is heaving. Was that a sob he heard?

Johnny Proposes.

Johnny simply melts. To think that he has brought this broken-hearted little creature to tears! What a brute he was to forget what a frail, tender, little bird she is, after all! If he could only unsay the words he has just uttered! Dismayed with what he has done, he impulsively clasps the little hand lying so meekly in her lap and begs for forgiveness. A brute, he calls himself, but she remains disconsolate. He puts a hand under her trembling chin, lifts up her head, and endeavors to peer under the quivering eyelashes. Then, under the spell of the moonlight glowing in her hair, the tears creeping from beneath the downcast eyelids, the little chin resting helplessly in his hand, the manifest defenselessness of this frail creature in a cruel brutal world, Johnny suddenly realizes what a glorious privilege it would be to take care of her always, to protect and to shelter her forever. In a flash the objections of his judgment-the meagerness of his salary, the uncertainty of his future-rise before him. Intoxicated, however, with a sublime consciousness of his manhood, Johnny can no longer doubt himself or his ability to sweep every obstacle before him. The optimism which Innocent has carefully nourished springs to full life in an instant-he can, he must, he will, make enough money to take care of her properly. He blurts out the story that has so long been pent up the story of what Innocent is and means to him. He doesn't believe there ever was such love since the world began.