What is dating? "Dating is a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character" (DeAngelo, 2003). It is defined as seeing a member of the attractive sex socially in a one-on-one setting. "Other terms used are “hooking up” and “courtship,” defined as non-committal sexual acts and non-serial exclusive dating with the intention of marriage, respectively" (Patterson, 2005). What is meant by “non-serial” dating is that when one chooses to date someone, it is his intention to marry them. However, according to writer Susan Jacoby, "Men use mixed signals to force themselves upon their partner" (Jacoby 2001). While this may not work out, and thus cause you to enter this process again, each person one chooses to date is sincerely meant to be his spouse. In this way, while courting more than one person, that action is not serialized by your intention being to date many people. One way to go about this "non-serial" method is through casual dating. 

    Casual dating is a concept that got its best reputation during the American 1950s. Casual daters value meeting new people, discovering and/or reinventing who they are as a person. The scenario goes something like this: The hero of our story, Guy, meets a Girl, decides he would like to see her socially and asks her to join him at the diner for hamburgers and a shared milkshake. If this date goes well, they may see each other again. After about three dates there is a good chance Guy would be graced with a goodnight kiss. Granted, while this template has changed a bit in the past fifty years, the basic construct remains. Guy asks out a Girl, or vice versa, and they see each other socially in a one-on-one setting. These dates do not imply exclusivity or any concrete commitment at all. They are designed for the subjects to enjoy each other’s company. While social enjoyment is the driving force behind the casual dating approach, there are two other important aspects: meeting new people and discovering yourself. By the simple act of participating in these dates, each party naturally learns more about themselves through their interaction in addition to getting to know the other person. “Dating one-on-one gives you a chance to become comfortable with new people” (Croft, 2008) says Sarah Croft, Georgetown University’s premier relationship columnist. 

    According to Richard Rudner, a health educator at the University of Arizona, “College is the time to re-invent yourself and try new things; many people don’t want to be tied down” (Rudner, 2003). It is very important to keep in mind that not being “tied down,” is a fundamental aspect of the casual dating approach. Columnist Nicolas Gladen has laid out some guidelines helpful to circumventing our typical defensive maneuvers when it comes to dating. “Don’t think about whether you want to Date him with an uppercase ‘D’ (meaning exclusive dating). Don’t conclude that he isn’t ‘your type.’ Don’t assume this is the beginning of a long-term relationship that you’re not ready for” (Gladen, 2007). With this agreement of casual interaction, one may date as many people as there are nights available in the week, so long as all parties involved know the arrangement. Such is the art of dating on a casual level. 

• Rudner, R.(2003). Dating Quotes. Retrieved October 16, 2008, from http://www.dating-tips-advice.com/quotes/dating.html

ROUGH DRAFT

The Art of Dating

    First there was the passing notes, hand holding and name-calling of middle school. Then you survived your first heartbreak when your high school sweetheart decided it would be best to be “just friends.” Now swept away in college life, with an important aspect being dorm life, you hardly take the time to step back and ask yourself, “What am I doing here? Who’s bed did I just wake up in, and how the hell did I get here?!” Okay, so the second part may not be applicable to all students, but at the same time you cannot deny that it happens, likely more often than one would be comfortable thinking about. If you have not yet taken the time to ponder what it is you plan to do with the so-called “best four years of your life,” besides studying and eating dorm food, perhaps it is about time you did. What do you want to be accomplishing in these prime dating years? More importantly, is that what you are accomplishing? Where is your thesis? Needs to be more solidified - Docraygen 10/24/08 8:04 AM  

    In short, the purpose of this writing is to discuss the question: “What role should dating play in college students’ lives?” Initially one might think this is a frivolous subject. On the contrary, there is a quite a range of opinions on the subject with marriage incorporated into a number of them. Marriage is not a frivolous topic.Beating around the bush. Get to the point and stop being so verbose -Docraygen 10/24/08 8:08 AM  Consequently its precursor, dating, also bears significance. 

    One might also think that college students, being in the midst of their own dating lives, would be able to define dating, be familiar with their intentions, and have a strong concept of where the decisions they make today will take them tomorrow, as they relate to dating. Surprisingly, of the students I spoke with here on the Colorado State University campus, while conducting an informal survey, none would have met that standard. All hesitated greatly when asked to simply “define dating.” Once done struggling through that answer, they were asked “In your opinion, what is the purpose of dating in college?” These students’ answers ranged from “getting laid!” to “discover more about yourself through others and to find the person you want to marry” to “I have no clue.” Clearly, the college masses are blissfully unaware of exactly what it is they are doing when they are in pursuit of the attractive sex. Let us address this problem. Using a quote somewhere here would be a good idea. -Docraygen 10/24/08 8:09 AM 

    First, what is dating? For purposes of this analysis, dating is defined as seeing a member of the attractive sex socially in a one-on-one setting. Other terms used within the following pages are “hooking up” and “courtship,” defined as non-committal sexual acts and non-serial exclusive dating with the intention of marriage, respectively. What I mean by “non-serial” dating is that when you choose to date someone, it is your every intention to marry them. While this may not work out, and thus cause you to enter this process again, each person you choose to date is sincerely meant to be your spouse. In this way, while you may court more than one person, that action is not serialized by your intention being to date many people. Now, with these terms clearly defined, we may delve into just what the various opinions are as to the purpose of dating. 

    I have defined five major approaches based on their common purpose, values and motivations, in addition to their general line of reasoning. These five groups, as I have titled them, are as follows: Casual Dating, Exclusive Dating, Courting, Cannot Date and Hooking up. Naturally, each of these groups is mainly composed of college students. 

    Casual dating is a concept that got its best reputation during the American 1950s. Casual daters value meeting new people, discovering and/or reinventing who you are as a person, and enjoying yourself. The scenario goes something like this: The hero of our story No pronouns referring to yourself -Docraygen 10/24/08 8:11 AM , Guy, meets a Girl, decides he would like to see her socially and asks her to join him at the diner for hamburgers and a shared milkshake. If this date goes well, they may see each other again. After about three dates there is a good chance Guy would be graced with a goodnight kiss. Granted, while this template has changed a bit in the past fifty years, the basic construct remains. Guy asks out a Girl, or vice versa, and they see each other socially in a one-on-one setting. These dates do not imply exclusivity or any concrete commitment at all. They are designed for our subjects to enjoy each other’s company. While social enjoyment is the driving force behind the Casual Dating approach, there are two other important aspects: meeting new people and discovering yourself. By the simple act of participating in these dates, each party naturally learns more about themselves through their interaction in addition to getting to know the other person. “Dating one-on-one gives you a chance to become comfortable with new people” (Baugher, 2002, p. 2) says Julie Baugher, Georgetown University’s premier relationship columnist. 

    According to Lee Ann Hamilton, a health educator at the University of Arizona, “College is the time to re-invent yourself and try new things; many people don’t want to be tied down” (Hill, 2003, p. 1). It is very important to keep in mind that not being “tied down,” as Ms. Hamilton put it, is a fundamental aspect of the Casual Dating approach. Columnist Julie Baugher has laid out some guidelines helpful to circumventing our typical defensive maneuvers when it comes to dating. (It may be useful to remember these next time you are asked out for a date.) “Don’t think about whether you want to Date him with an uppercase ‘D’ (meaning exclusive dating). Don’t conclude that he isn’t ‘your type.’ Don’t assume this is the beginning of a long-term relationship that you’re not ready for” (Baugher, 2002, p. 2). With this agreement of casual interaction, one may date as many people as there are nights available in the week, so long as all parties involved know the arrangement. Good writing. A little too wordy, though. Develop a better thesis and stay on topic.  -Docraygen 10/24/08 8:13 AM 

References 

Baugher, J. (2002, October 4). Dating with a lower case “d”. The Hoya. Retrieved October 8, 2003, from Georgetown University Web site: http://www.thehoya.com/viewpoint/100402/view2.cfm 

Baugher, J. (2002, November 15). ‘Rules’ teach ladies tricks to winning love. The Hoya. Retrieved October 7, 2003, from Georgetown University Web site: http://www.thehoya.com/guide/111502/guide9.cfm 

Beckett, W. (2003, September 5). What lies between the hookup and marriage? The Chronicle. Retrieved October 13, 2003, from Duke University Web site: http://newsdirectory.com/go/?f=&r=nc&u=chronicle.duke.edu 

Borra, J. (2002, October 17). The ‘he‑said‑she‑said’ on dating. The Rocky Mountain Collegian. Retrieved October 19, 2003, from Colorado State University Web site: http://www.collegian.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/10/17/3dae0a626eac4?in_archive=1 

Burney, T. (2003, March 26). Dating Sea Nuggets. The Chronicle. Retrieved October 13, 2003, from Duke University Web site: http://newsdirectory.com/go/?f=&r=nc&u=chronicle.duke.edu 

Callahan, G. (2003, March 21). Tie the knot right after lab. The Johns Hopkins News‑Letter. Retrieved October 8, 2003, from Johns Hopkins University Web site: http://www.jhunewsletter.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2003/03/21/3e7a7e5fc9319?in_archive=1