I Have looked death in the face twice, and lived another day............

• It was nearing the end of February of 1995, just before winter vacation, and I was still sick. This is when my health took a turn for the worst. I had gotten to the point where I was crawling to the bathroom. I had no strength left to stand on my own. My parents had to call an ambulance, despite my begging them not to. I was taken to a local hospital, where I spent more than 12 hours in the emergency room. It was nearly midnight, when I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, but by this point I was dying, my body had begun to shut down. I started saying my goodbyes. My mother told me that I kept saying over and over again “I Love You Mommy” with my eyes fixed in an eerie stare at the ceiling. I don’t remember much of this time, I know I was flown by Life Starr and was in a coma for a few days. Much of this part of my life is a blur; I woke up in a strange hospital days later with a bunch of tubes attached to me. I later learned that night that my heart stopped three times, the longest for 2 minutes.
• The American Diabetes Association 

The day of the ultrasound, I wasn’t worried. I figured at the worst, I had gall stones. My husband went with me for the ultrasound, even came in the room with me to keep me company. The test began like any other test, nothing unusual. Just then the technician got up and left the room, she came back several minutes later and asked me if I had, had blood tests done. I replied no, and was puzzled by this question. She resumed the test, sliding the machine around my belly a few more times before getting up and leaving the room again. This time when she returned, she was followed by a doctor. The doctor proceeded to tell my husband and me that the ultrasound shows a mass on my liver. My heart sank, suddenly the room seemed so small, I turned and looked at my husband and his face was as white as the wall behind him. Upon the return visit to my family doctor, I had an MRI done and it confirmed the worst, I had a liver tumor.

After we confirmed it was a tumor my life began to spin out of control with doctors’ appointments. I now had to see a liver specialist. The specialist rushed me into a biopsy, to test for cancer. Fortunately, that test came back and I did not have cancer. My liver specialist then told my family and me that I needed to see another specialist, because while the tumor was not cancer, it was very large and still growing. The larger it became the more life threatening.It was now the beginning of May and I found myself sitting in yet another doctor’s office. We were there to review the tests with a liver surgeon. He looked over all the tests and then set down with us to discuss my options and there was really only one; surgery. However, the first words out of his mouth were not, you need to have surgery, but instead he said “sorry that this has happened to you”. He explained about the surgery to my family and me, and then we scheduled it. He never told me personally how risky the surgery was, but I am thankful for that.  (about 40 % of people who have this large of a tumor, who undergo this type of surgery die during surgery or shortly thereafter)

I had about a month to think of the upcoming surgery and everyday that’s all I could think about. I knew it wasn’t an easy surgery, for anyone to go through, because it involved cutting away more than 50% of my liver. Even knowing this I remained strong, until almost the end. The day had arrived, and that’s when I broke down. So many thoughts ran through my head, I kept thinking I had just celebrated my 21st birthday, would I even see my 22nd birthday or was this it. I thought of my family, my friends, the home I had just bought, how the best part of my life was just beginning and I might not even live long enough to enjoy it.

I now found myself sitting in a hospital johnny, tubes everywhere, hooked up to some strange machines, and despite all of this I was sill sitting there gripping my rosary beads, tears pouring down my face, wondering if I would ever hug or kiss my family again. The hardest part was watching the nurse escort my family down the hall. Then the doctor came in to check on me, just before they put me out, it was then I handed him my rosary beads, the very beads my pastor had blessed the week before. I think now that it was fate that I handed him the beads, to at that moment it was like god himself blessing the hands that were going to save my life.

• THANK YOU TO DR. BROWN AT HARTFORD HOSPITAL FOR SAVING MY LIFE A SECOND TIME

"Remember yesterday, dream about the future, but live for today"