One question that I find amusing and interesting at the same time is that why is it that I take the time and effort to write and create music, and then put it up on the internet for free? In fact, why do I make music at all? It is probably certain that music will never bring me any kind of fame or any monetary rewards; in fact, making music takes up a lot of time for me, which means that I would be able to less concentrate on things that would actually bring me money (like a career of some sort), and so making music is
actually making me poorer each day. Same goes for writing software. A media player, task manager, kernel module manager are some things I wrote for Linux that have pretty much gone by without anybody noticing them. I'm working on an operating system all by myself, which is proving to be very frustrating and very less rewarding at the moment.
So, the question is, why do I do what I do?
The answer lies somewhere in the middle of my entire ideology of life as it is on this earth. I do not have the
comfort of
blind faith in religion or spirituality; I do not have the comfort of a
normal cycle of life, as it were, with marriage and a family and everything else that comes along with it. So, one reason I do what I do is that I simply
have to do something. it turns out that this is that one thing. Perhaps I would rather trade it in for a
normal life.
I've never really thought about
why I do what I do. I usually just concentrate on
how. For example, my
Studio Ariane project has turned out quite well, and it makes it possible to do studio quality recordings at home on low end hardware. As the system develops further, I will put up the entire specification online, so that everyone can benefit from my work.
With my habit of self-injury and general self-destructive behavior, it is just as well that I have something to do that pushes the envelope of my intellectual capabilities; otherwise it is quite possible that I would have been dead by now, lying forgotten and decayed in some unmarked grave.
