quotidie 047 : 2.16 i slept early last night to beat the migraine progressing into something vomit-inducing, but that didn't stop the actual vomit from driving me out of bed to run to the toilet. the headache started almost immediately after getting off the treadmill. at first there was a bit of lightheadedness that i attributed to just feeliing dizzy because of suddenly being on ground that didn't move. just to make sure i was okay, i asked if liana felt the same after she got off the treadmill, and she said yes, so i didn't think much about it. headaches with vomitting isn't anything new to me. it started when i had eaten something exceptionally oily (like its soup was practically oil already), and so the next two similar incidents were attributed to that. but i think this one had a different root. probably the one hour on a treadmill, with only a five minute break of walking. also, the incident with the toilet bowl was different this time and the contents of my intestines didn't have a very hard time coming out, like it usually would. as much as it sounds bad, it was actually better, i would rather it come bursting out of me instead of me having to endure a nagging urge to throw up and having to force it out of me for relief. three trips to the toilet this time round, and each time the stuff became less identifiable as food. the last was just clear liquid. today i ate nothing save for a bit of bread and an apple. felt unusually sleepy after noon, like i had taken medicine, so i slept. we're going to the doctor's tomorrow. i was thankful that my mom woke up this time. i usually go through this alone, kneeling over the bowl and helplessly looking into it while i wait for searing pain coming from my stomach to my throat, ironically, for relief. i was thankful that after the second trip she had my sister move up to the top bunk so i'd have an easier time making trips to the toilet. she gave me a bell to ring if i needed anything, and a bowl (that we use to bake cookies hahaha), just in case. i was thankful that she helped me hold my hair up, got me something to sit on because my knees were weak; and rubbed my back because it was, for some reason, comforting.

(No, I'm not pregnant! A world of no!) Comfort food. Mine consist pretty much entirely of carbs (bread, pasta) and then some sort of fat (cheese, butter, olive oil, which at least isn't quite as bad). And I love me some comfort cooking and comfort food. But it's starting to catch up with me big time, and it's time to do something about it. My skin is totally fracked up as well, as evidenced by my hands (liberal use of "soften" applied). What I eat is totally also reflected in the state of my skin. So here, in the month of gluttony, I'm going to cut back a bit in the hopes of a) helping my skin along a bit and b) losing (or at least not gaining!) a few pounds. I know I'm not really overweight (although I'm right on the edge) but for me, this is too much. The clothes are not really fitting either, and I don't want to buy more! Food plan: no sugar, no dairy except yogourt, no gluten. Rather big exception will be actual holiday parties, and since I don't get invited to many of those, it'll probably just be a big three: work's holiday/anniversary party on the 10th; family present exchange; big Christmas dinner. And I'll work on not overindulging on those days, either. Thinking some sort of lentil loaf for my veggie Christmas main. Exercise plan: get back on the treadmill. I'll have to take it a bit slow to see if my foot and ankle are okay, but trying is half the battle.