I've never really given much thought to the meaning of my life, where I've been, where i am today. Am i wrong to make this statement? I mean sure, Teenage girls are constantly thinking about life's obstacles and people that won't even matter in the end. I feel i am out of the loop with this one.. I am a person who was never one to show much emotion to even the most thrilling or depressing times in my life. Some say I just have a shield and hold it all in; I'm not sure what the reason is for this behavior. Perhaps it could be because of my past life-changing events. or perhaps it could just be hormones and my age, who knows. All i know is that i'm about to end the childhood chapter of my life, and im terrified.
Born on September 12th, 1991, Redondo Beach, California. I made my grand entrance into the world. Who would have known that 17 1/2 years later i'd sititng at the park up the alley from my home, looking back on my life. My home, a little apartment has been my only home i have ever had. I attended the current district office on Sheldon Street for pre-school, Richmond for kindergarten, and then it was time to become a cougar at Center Street School until the fifth grade. Then i grew up a little bit and moved onto the Middle School just down the hill from my house. The place of your first crush, your first date to a school dance, it all happened there. You could only imagine the never ending immatureness of every student attending the school. I was never one to take much interest in the boys, while all of my other friends had their petty little relationships that seemed to take over their little eleven year old hearts at the time. They bragged about them until my ears bled. Well i had one unsuccessful relationship when i was in eighth grade which consisted of a seventh grade boy. I guess you could say the farthest we ever went was hugging and holding hands. As i said before, I'm not one for relationships.
After being promoted onto the High School, many different doors opened for me, including a new room a my dad's house, where i never really did stay. I seemed to always have a strong attachment to my mother after the divorce that took place due to the immature acts of my lovely parents. Could have been the cheating which caused the drift, or the alcohol addiction and substance abuse which sent them into months of fighting, turning into years of rage. When you have to lie to each of your parents because the other one tells you to, you feel hopeless. I've experiences this feeling one too many times as a little girl. Behind my happy spirit through my school years, i had some pain i guess you could say. I never wanted to show it though; i'd always end up way too embarassed. So, in that case i guess you could say i was a shy kid. My family always his under the disfunction; we were always so good at it. I was blessed with two amazing older sisters who were and are always there to help and guide me through the bad times. Me, being the baby, i was always so unaware of what was going on, even as a young teen. But i understand, my family just wanted to protect me. I'm not sure if it worked, but i don't blame them.
So as a freshman i played volleyball, which might i add i was terrible at. I mostly hung out with the seniors of '06, along with my other friends in my grade. I guess you could say we didn't know any better. Being dragged along to parties was just fun for us; we loved the attention. Got busted a few times by our parents, but that just made us become better at lying and sneaking around. The funny thing is that i never really felt bad for lying to my parents, and now I feel maybe I should have. I mean they were always worried about me getting into bad things because of my relatives and my "gene of alcoholism" that hasn't failed to skip a generation (yet). But I never worried for i know i am different.
I feel we must experience it all to truly discover who we are. Well maybe not "it all" but definately a lot. I experience a car accident in my early high school years which changed me forever. Ever since then i always think about how lucky i am to have the chance to live, and be whatever i want to be. Sure- it's silly that we crashed while going down the "mariposa jump", but its lessons like those that stick with you forever. I have such a different outlook on life now. it's not worth it to bask and drown in all the little things that so many teenagers think are just life threatening- such as breaking up with a boyfriend., or tripping in the hall and having everyone laugh at you. Life is so much more than that. It's just a shame that not many people are aware of it. Sometimes i wonder if i think about serious things like this way too often for my age, but then again i guess you could say it's a good thing.
So throughout high school, i have learned so many lessons, but mainly to be real every minute that you're living, because if you're hiding behind a false person, you may never be seen. Always accept others, even if you feel they do not deserve it, because you never know, you might just be the person to save them. And of course accept yourself, and love it because there may be a time in your life where you're the only one you can rely on, therefore you will never be let down. So here i am, about to graduate high school at the young and tender age of seventeen. About to leave the city i've never left, ever since i was born. Even though moving to dorms in Palos Verdes is not that far, it's a new place where i am going to write my next chapter of my life. I have the best group of supportive friends anyone could ask for, as well as a loving family that will always be on my side no matter what. Through the pain that took place, happiness took over by a landslide. If i had not experienced everything that i have, i would not be who i am today. Luckily, my parents are friends now and i have a great aunt and uncle who financially support my education to any school of my choice.
So once again, here i am, a little over a week left before my high school graduation, not having a clue about what i want to do with my life. All i know is that I'll figure it out. It will all come to me when the time is right. Looking back on my life so far brings back times i always want to remember, and times i'd rather forget, but i can honestly say i don't regret one second of it.
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