“If you carry your childhood with you,
you never become older.”
- Tom Stoppard

Vignettes and Scrapbook Memories of
Family and Childhood.

The Knight in Grandpa's Cap
Dougie sallies forth to save a maiden in distress. Well, not actually a maiden, more a sheep. But not exactly a sheep either, more a poor dog in a sticker patch. Then a painful turn of events.

The Big Furry Red Hand
Was it waving at the two children, or making clawing gestures? That is beside the point, because a warm safe house in the middle of the day is no place for a big furry red hand.

Rammed
Little Papa meets the nicest sheep of all, and a whole bunch of extended-family relatives get a cheap slapstick comedy to set them all laughing (we can hear them laughing still).

Swallowing the Vitamin-Pearl
It began as play-acting, but small objects have a way of deciding for themselves which direction they want to go. A quick big sister and a ready-with-whack Dada can make all the difference.

I Scream Ice Cream
...or the Ice Cream Sandwich that ate Monkey Wards. The miraculous ice cream treat that disappears too fast for adults, but can melt and spread over the entire world for a child.

Disney Quackers
What more could a kid in the sixties ask for than popcorn and cotton candy and candy apples, spinning teacups, gigantic cartoon characters come to life, and greedy, selfish robot ducks...?

Candy from Ants
Who'd ever believe a four-year-old boy could pull such a dirty, low-down trick, and upon such a sweet, innocent, trusting and hopeful little sister? Kids can be mean, even Dougie!

Grandpa and the Pirate's Skull
Memories of a Hungarian Grandpa, the most spiritual man Dougie ever knew. Happy, golden, loud laughing and loud yelling, rough and gentle, fierce, and sweet. Grandpa.

You Can't Catch Me, Fatso!
When Grandma chased Dougie round and around the table they laughed and laughed. And then, the picture of pure innocence, Dougie said something terrible to Grandma!

Big Bully on the Block
Dougie was familiar with the words of Jesus who said the Golden Rule, but Dougie was angry, and felt that he needed to do to the big bully the same kind of thing the big bully had done to him.

Praying Mantis Surprise
Another practical joke, Dougie releases his strange-looking pet into a poor little girl's hair, a joke which earned Dougie more than a few bumps and bruises.

A True Pothead
His favorite place to go, in his favorite homes, was deep in the cupboards where the biggest pots were stored. Funnels and pots, pans and best of all: the colander!

Big Sister Big Meanie
He stood over her, and her eyes were wide. He knew the world was about to end, that he should run, that he should flee, and then she did something terrible, worse than he could ever believe.

Crushed Fingers and Prayer
The little boy felt very grown up as he leaned into the bushes to turn off the water, because he was a man of responsibility. His blind grandma never had a clue when she slammed the door.

PB&J Sandwiches at Rosie's
He loves them now but when he was a little boy at Rosie the babysitter's house, he dreaded her gooey, sticky, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Dougie's physics at work.

Catching the Special Butterfly
Although he had been told plenty of times NOT to touch the butterflies, when he spotted the most amazing butterfly of all he just had to capture the prize, and take it to church!

Cinnamon Toast and Cocoa
Grandma knew Dougie through and through, and provided the most decadent breakfast a boy could ever hope to imagine. The richest cocoa and the thickest cinnamon-sugar toast.

Pammy's Runaway Tricycle
It was tough being a big brother to a baby sister, because they never listened when you told them anything. It is especially rough when you are out on an adventure and your sister follows!

Hot Dogs, Sauerkraut & Baked Beans
Grandma fixed all manner of delicacies, both carnivorous and vegetarian, and her pies were the absolute best. But what Dougie loved more than anything was her simple cooking.

Crashing the Lawnmower
The Little Papa seemed quite proficient at crashing things, crashing about everything you can imagine, including, believe it or not, a lawnmower (with Mama's help).

Thanksgiving
Cultivated mayhem when a large family gathers about its paragon, its patriarch; yelling, laughing, arguments, loud yelling, a few screams, and the kids made noise too. Lots of loving food.

Christmas
Oh what a time of year was Christmas, family and presents and singing Christmas songs and gifts and good cheer and presents and Christmas movies and presents. And presents.

The Bloody Trampoline
Like two little monkeys jumping on the bed, it was inevitable that one would fall off and bump his head. Every child loves jumping on the bed, no matter how many times you say knock it off.

The Big Camper
Like a football field on wheels, the big camper carried them up the length of California, through Oregon and Washington into Canada. Despite the onboard 32 beds, the trip was exhausting.

Winter Trekking to Grandma's House
It was rare that snow fell in Quartz Hill, but one year proved a doozy of over two feet, which called for nine-year-old Dougie's most daring and intrepid feat, a trek to Grandma's house.

Vampires, Zombies & the Living Dead
At the drive-in movies, and on the little screen, monsters lurked everywhere, scary, bumping in the dark. A preparatory tool to prepare little Dougie for what really goes on in the world.

Too Many Spankings
Call it discipline or punishment or torture, Dougie received a lot of it, from his earliest days, all the way up until fourteen years of age! Did it make him a better person, or a rage-filled ogre?

The Peanut Head
Get out of the way! Look out! What is it? It's gigantic! Amazing! What's wrong with that kid's head? Can a skull be THAT big? But he's so short! That monstrous head on that little, little body!

Sleepwalking & Sleeptalking
A child wandering in the night, talking to phantoms. Was he viewing into another world? Or was it all merely just an over-active imagination manifesting in very lucid dreams?

Catching the Reading Bug
It is a vivid memory, looking at the letters, running them through his mind, connecting the letters, words forming, and the words stack up, and suddenly there is real magic happening.

Sniffing the Bean
Some things just seem funny. Especially to boys. And Dougie loved to delight his sisters with awfully funny objects appearing from his very nose. Some magician, Dougie, and his magical bean.

Dinosaurs in Church
Most of the family agreed, church was no place for dinosaurs, but this sad fact only broke poor Dougie's heart, because God made the dinosaurs too, didn't he? Didn't they deserve to learn about Jesus?

Duzzy Love Me?
If in a lifetime you meet an actual soul mate (and that is never promised), consider yourself fortunate, even if that soul is of an entirely distinct species from your own, and you are a child.

Godzilla and the Army Men
The men are brave, resolute, and they know they are sacrificing much, because this is the gravest danger the world has ever faced, and they mean to defeat it, this big lizard, this Godzilla.

Squirt & Other Cowboy Falls
Dougie, throughout his boyhood, considered himself quite the cowboy. Or, at the very least, a very proficient fall guy, getting thrown from anything with four hooves.

Grandma and the Scorpion
A lot of people, women, men included, flee the other way when a deadly scorpion raises the deadly pirate's flag of its tail. Not so Grandma, as she'd faced The Woman and lived to tell about it.

The Giant of Catalina Island
Boom! Boom!! BOOM!!! What could that infernal knocking be? A dream about a shark banging into the bottom of the boat? Or was it more likely the Catalina Giant, more reclusive than Bigfoot?

The Runaway
Sometimes enough was enough, and a boy had to make a stand, even if that meant running far, far and far away from home. But such an action took careful planning and preparation.

First Grade Jitters
Horrors of horrors, the grinding institution of public school. The wisdom preached from the front of the room rarely impinged upon the flashing images in Dougie's head.

Wrestling with the Dentist
Three dentists lugged a stainless steel syringe into the room, with a deadly 3-foot needle jutting from the tip. "This won't hurt a bit," the dentist said. Dougie went all Kung Fu on the room.

Danny O'Day, BOO!
It's true, clowns are creepy, but what is even creepier to a kid than a perpetually grinning ventriloquist dummy? Danny O'Day was Donna's Christmas present, but Dougie had other ideas.

Dada and the Vanishing Sock
A boy's life is full of disappointing things like x-ray specs, scampering skeletal fingers and giant floating ghosts, but one thing that did not disappoint: invisible thread.

Walking to Grandma's House
If there was one walk he could make today, even unto this day, it would be up that long driveway, if only it could be Grandma that opened the door.

Pammy Gashed on the Big Hill

Premonition of Imminent Disaster

Missing Mama

Drive-In Movies

Uncle Julius and the Monster Man

Kung Fu Indian Training

Grandma's Big Fingers

Pammy's Crocodile

Running with Scissors

The Fort

John 3:16 & The Lord's Prayer

Waiting for Mama

Playing with Fire

Motorcycle Crash

www.DouglasChristianLarsen.com

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WARNING: NIGHTMARES AHEAD
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This is a separate section, devoted to a few recollected nightmares that the Little Papa experienced in his early life. The thing about nightmares, and dreams, is that they are recorded the very same way that experiences are recorded, and are just as real as if they really, really happened. Our dreams, and nightmares, color our waking thoughts, our recollections, our planning strategies, and the way we look at the world.

Nightmare: Light Bulb Hand
Grandma Larsen loved fruit, and she constantly demanded that her grandchildren eat whatever fruit she happened to be eating, dates, apples, pears, peaches, nectarines ... and, gulp, light bulbs?

Nightmare: Souvenir Baseball
A child's greatest fear is that when Mama goes away, that she might not come back. Fairy tales, Disney, and an instinctive knowledge that the world is not safe can lead to a doozy of a nightmare.

Nightmare: The Coo Coo Bird
For some reason, a cute, cartoon bird that makes a little boy laugh and laugh when he sees it on television is just not quite so funny when he finds it standing in the hall late at night.

Nightmare: The Long Crawl
Dougie knew the difference between a nightmare and being awake, didn't he? At least it felt like he was awake. Tap, tap, someone at the window, and Dougie is frozen, he literally cannot move.

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“It is never too late to have a happy childhood.”

- Tom Robbins

The Little Papa Today (not so little anymore)