Day 108/365 A couple of days ago, I mentioned something about being broken. About being a broken person. And I'm fixing that, I've fixed a lot of it actually. But I also confessed something I don't think I've said out loud before... that I wonder, worry even... about what it is to live a non-broken life. Maybe worry isn't the right word. Living a non-broken life sounds pretty good actually. To be in harmony with my brain, my emotions, my life. But at the same time, when all you're used to is being broken, feeling broken-- is it so surprising that the idea of being whole is a little bit frightening? Most unknowns are frightening. In the past, I've been most creative during times of depression, during times when my anxiety was at its worst. In the parts of the cycle where I was more functional-- I stopped being able to write, to create, to imagine as well as I did when I was most broken. It was one of the trade-offs of good mental health for so many years. I could either be ridiculously creative... or at peace. I saw this quote and it took on a new meaning to me today. Because I have a history ... a penchant (albeit in the past) for self-injury, even suicide... it struck me that being alive but broken... how much power there is in that. All the wishes that would have gone with me to my grave are only pennies to the riches that exist in the dreams I have now... as a broken person... as a broken but healing person. And... if I can survive this far with my dreams in tact, then maybe it's time to start imagining how amazing things will be when I do find that harmony. Because I will have harmony. And I know that my creativity will stay with me. Because harmony and health and creativity don't have to be mutually exclusive concepts. I refuse to stop worrying that my uniqueness, that my creativity, that my imagination will abandon me when I'm able to stand and say, "I am well. I am whole." Because my dreams are worth more than that. And I trust that they will stay with me as I creep closer and closer to that peaceful place within me.

It had been announced on the news. In the next couple of days the world would be tortured by the apocalypse. A huge rain of meteors was going to crash on earth. There was no denial. People fled away, trying to save their miserable lives. Loads of people went by car, leading into accidents and more trouble. Other people here in town fled to the old, abandoned train tunnel. Not the smartest choise in my opinion, there's no electricity and the food supplies will run low. It's only a matter of time. I'm the only person left that still has to flee I robbed some stores, they won't need their goods anyways. I got myself a motorcycle, some guns and food. I will be heading for the metro station. It's inoperative since the rocks have taken out most of the electricity. And I think my chances are best in there. I'm taking my good friend porker with me. I hope I can find some more people down there that were smart enough to go there. But so far... I walk alone. A desc. video with more pictures is coming. I think that's needed when working on this scale. The crater in the road is IMO a nice add, but it can't really be seen in this picture so :) I really hope you guys enjoy.