Ground Zero Networks
Power without Focus is just wasted Energy More Stuff
The 10 Commandments of Computer Use:
1. Thou shall not use any company computer to browse the Internet.
In my experience 80 percent of the people within a company are afraid to use
their computer to browser the Internet, where the other 20 percent openly
partake in pornographic illustrations, and 80 percent of them work in the computer
department.
2. Thou shall not use any company computer to send or receive personal
e-mail.
No one follows this commandment. Everyone has an outside webmail account and
do not think you can see what they are doing. This commandment is so
disregarded that people that don't even know what e-mail is break it.
3. Thou shall not open any suspicious e-mail, because even with the best
anti-virus, anti-spam software, stuff still gets through.
Not only is this commandment ignored, but I've actually had users open virus
spam, and then send it to me stating that they couldn't help it because they
were too curious.
4. Thou shall not transfer files from home or between remote locations.
With the nifty invention of the memory stick, users can now transfer viruses
between home and work at a much faster rate, and more of it.
5. Thou shall not stick pictures of your children and or cats to your monitor.
This rule is in place because people that adhere cat picture to the computer monitor...well, it just bugs me.
6. Honor your network administrator and helpdesk personnel.
Umm, okay. Too often computer users take out their frustrations on the
company computer professional. This hostility is usually a result in misplaced
anger that can cost the user a permanent place at the end of the help desk
queue.
7. You shall have not bring in your home computer for repairs.
There is no higher offence than to ask your company computer staff to repair your home computer. If he or she does offer to repair such device, "do worry about it" means $125.00 an hour. .
8. You shall not covet your neighbor's computer.
You are forbidden to use any office computer that is not specifically assigned to you.
9. You shalt not swear falsely against your IT department.
Computer people are a sensitive lot and are easily hurt when accused of being lazy. And we never forget those that cause us unnecessary grief. Never...never.
10. Remember the Sabbath day.
Also remember that computer people need a day off too.
Geek Theology...
In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.
On the first day, he
toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days, bootstrap loaders
were simple, and "active low" signals didn't yet exist.)
On the second day, God's
boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the bit. This being volatile memory, the
bit reverted to a 0. And the universe wasn't. God learned the importance of
backups and memory refresh, and spent the rest of the day (and his first
all-nighter) reinstalling the universe.
On the third day, the
bit cried "Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a sign!" And God created
rev 2.0 of the bit, even better than the original prototype. Those in Universe
Marketing immediately realized that "new and improved" wouldn't do
justice to such a grand and glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most
Significant Bit. Many bits followed, but only one
was so honored.
On the fourth day, God
created a simple ALU with 'add' and 'logical shift' instructions. And the
original bit discovered that -- by performing a single shift instruction -- it
could become the Most Significant Bit. And God realized the importance of
computer security.
On the fifth day, God
created the first mid-life kicker, rev 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features,
and said "Forget that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply."
And God saw that it was good.
On the sixth day, God
got a bit overconfident, and invented pipelines, register hazards, optimizing
compilers, crosstalk, restartable instructions, micro interrupts, race
conditions, and propagation delays. Historians have used this to convincingly
argue that the sixth day must have been a Monday.
On the seventh day,
an
engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn't worked
right since.
Network Administrators Philosophy:
1. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity but not necessarily in that order.
2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with..
4. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
5. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than bad news. (Douglas Adams)
6. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. (2 Ass Jones)
7. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
8. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. (Also listed in the Hackerman's Code)
9. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test you will forget where you live.
10. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
11. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
12. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
13. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
14. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
15. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
16. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
17. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
18. Law of Dispersal Probability : Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
19. If it is true that we are what we eat then everyone must be fast, cheap and easy!!!!!!
I WAS BORN INTELLIGENT BUT EDUCATION RUINED ME...!!
Techno-Wizard or Geek
Computer people are unique in that they have
their own peculiarities, unlike others that work in technological fields, like
engineers, or physics, they're just crazy. Computer people have an odd passion
for computer hardware and software. Being passionate towards software is
particularly peculiar because there is nothing tangible about software. (That
is above the quantum level.) Software is nothing more than electrons passing
between circuits that display a visual mathematical representation of
probability. Software companies have built empires from the sales of uniquely
arranged electrons that can be manipulated by a computer user. It is the IT
department's duty to install, configure, and maintain, the uninterrupted flow
of the rearrangement of electrons. So this makes me wonder, what do computer
people really do?
If our jobs consist of managing and manipulating electrons, then shouldn't we
really be called quantum electricians? Or even better, quantum engineers?
Quantum engineer sounds a lot better than software programmer, or network
administrator, or helpdesk technician. In fact, I wonder how different my life
would be if I told people I was a Director of Quantum Electrons. Although, to
the technically challenged, Director of Quantum Electrons sounds like the same
voice as Charlie Brown's teacher as my true title. (You know, Wa wa wa wa wa
wa.) After all, I see confusion on people's faces when I ask them to
reboot. Many think I am asking them to changed shoes. So, titles can only
really impress those that know what they mean. So I ask myself, the fact that I
even think along these terms, does it make me a geek or techno-wizard…its geek
isn't it?