Provocative discussions for the Aspiring Manager & Those going up the ladder. Eye-opening essays with a satirical touch from A senior manager with over 40 years of experience in marketing, manufacturing and managing companies + Counseling.
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Discussing everyday thoughts (9)
What after all is the concept of God for the average guy?
From what I can gather from the actions and conversations of people, God is the Creator of this world and runs this world. We are supposed to be one of his children or are we and have imposed the idea of being his children so that He is forced to treat us as His children and take care of us?
God is all that we aspire of and the highest Aspiration that we can conceive of; or at least so we lead ourselves to believe.
We would rather die hungry but build temples. We would allow ourselves to be impoverished but dress up our God in silk and gold. We shower the best foods on our Gods and hope that He will be pleased and in return offer us goodies four-fold beyond our expectations.
Everyone designs his God in his expectations so a plethora of Them roam this earth. How real are they? Do they have any basis in some real phenomena? Can anyone really prove it? We really do not have answers so the argument is unendable and enclosed within its parameters are all the ills, evils and kindness of the human race.
Humans are an ingenious breed. Once the Gods have been appeased, their importance is immediately placed on the practical balance of everyday affairs and if needed they are sidelined. Often we have no time to give them the obeisance we believe is due to them so we strike a bargain by putting them up at crossroads; this permits us to pay our daily prayer without side-stepping into a temple. It is another matter that this same God whom we pray to is left to toast under the sun, or be dry-cleaned under the rain and chilled in the winters. He is there finally to serve us and his place is where we need him at our convenience. If it has to be at the confluence of cross-roads then so be it.
The miniature versions soon become a nuisance and are immediately thrown under a tree or in a stream when they have served us. One does wonder what value we are giving to our Gods. See the number of Greeting card with the Gods adorning them to be crushed underfoot and/or thrown out with the common garbage?
Silence is Golden. Discussing the sayings. 8
How often do you go out, sit in your rocking chair and listen to birds and the trees and perhaps the butterflies?
I asked this above question to a group focusing on meditation.
One of the replies is: My inclination lies in Silence -this has been the place in which I have felt at greatest ease. Being an Observer, or Silent witness, conscious of my Real Self, is my way of life, and my Meditation lies on that path. This is a beautiful reply.
Silence is the best environment to be in. It is the strongest and most creative place. It is only in silence that others can speak to us. The universe is waiting for the din in our heads to quieten down so that it could put in a word or two. But we forget everything and focus on our ability of speech and we never have seemed to learn to stop. A little quietening down is absolutely essential both for growing and for renewal. We need also a little balancing act with ourselves to equate and see ourselves in reflection; ourselves as our own witness comparing and analysing so that we can know where improvement is needed. The flowers and butterflies are silent but in action at the same time.
Yes this is the enigma. Speaking in silence is the trick. The flowers, the cloud formations, the flowing water and the shimmering reflection of the lights of the cities in water, the he waves crashing on the beach and so many other activities that do their thing, communicate but never say a thing. How entrancing they are. There is something in these forms of happenings that attract our attention and gels with some part of our being. If it were not so, why would we want to collect butterflies and put the flowers in pots? This is speech of a kind. We can speak with the eyes, eyebrows, actions and movement can’t we? The same way Mother Nature speaks to us in various hues and modes. If only we would listen.
I am a practioner of silent action. Once when I was in the neighborhood park with my child who had learnt to walk recently and she was exploring the world of the grass, flowers, swing and other exciting things, an older gentleman sitting and watching us remarked that I rarely said anything to the child but that I simply followed her around. This is point that could be elaborated a bit. The thing is that I was totally focused on the pleasure of discovery that my child had created. I normally went to the park at a time when it would not be crowded. So we could open ourselves out in comparative aloofness. But although the appreciation of the gentleman came as a pleasant surprise, this is the truth: my child and I were communicating fully although without the medium of speech. I do not believe in over guiding, teaching or counseling. Better to wait for the right moment and make a remark based on the truth of my own experience, philosophy and experience. This has more impact than continuous lecturing.
Discussing sayings (7)
Dressing by women is a cross between their need to clothe themselves and their instinct to undress. – attributed to Confucius ( although I doubt it).
I am a believer. Look at his picture taken from today’s newspaper:
Does that leave much room for discussion? What I glean into their deeper consciousness, I would say that they have been wired by Mother Nature to mate and populate; thereby fulfilling Mother nature’s need for able bodied humans to keep her Creation going forward.
The converse side is the need to protect oneself from too much attention and of Mother nature herself; she being so unkind as to buffet us with cold winds and blazing heat whenever her whims take her.
To my understanding the question has been stretched rather. The females would have by now realized that with minor changes of lines they are all the same. They are really killing the goose by over exposure. Soon nobody would be attracted by their charms even if they stood on a platform and danced naked. So how does it serve them? Even in the short run, in the jungle of today’s city culture wolves are behind every door-post and corner.
No I think they simply don’t know what they want. They want attention and appreciation but insist on controlling the admirer. Who ever heard of a tiger being controlled when unleashed? I think there is a case here of over valuation and then misery that follows in its wake.
Yesterday I was watching a French movie. A young boy of a single mother had just consumed sleeping pills and his distraught mother was blaming herself; while the boy was explaining to his teacher in the ambulance that he had not wanted to commit suicide but simply wanted to sleep as he had not been able to do so thinking about his girl. In the next shot his mother is shown explaining to him how much she loves him. It seems she had him when she was madly in love with a chef who later moved to New York on a lucrative job offer. She was to join him later as visas are difficult to obtain. But she could simply not put in the effort to pack her suitcase to make the move. The pain and distress she must have caused. She promised him that she would come but never did as she had found her love in her son.
Selfish and stupid wasn’t it? Then I am certain in my heart that she wanted to go but was not going to price herself so low as to go on her own. She was secretly waiting for him to come over and take her along. While the poor man secure in his thoughts that she would come never really understood the situation and never did. Eventually the drift became permanent.
What did she achieve by playing hard to get? Why hook a guy in the first place? I have not acquired enough wisdom yet to answer all these questions but I see for sure that she lost her man, gave him pain and created problems for herself and her son by depriving him of a father’s attention and direction and so much else.
Don’t they see the amount of anguish this business of undressing is causing? SAY “YES” TO LIFE
Life has a way of entering our lives before we have any say. We are conceived and put out to pasture and once out there what else can we do but say “yes”. The first few days and years we have no recollection of but from what we can see from the miracle of life and bawling around us, it is a time when we were carried, fed, cuddled and taken care of. Somewhere this memory has been nagging us and we as adults know that there is a better way to live this life.
The dream is to find the magical fountain that will give back those days without cutting out the adult fun. The spoil sports are the other adults. Why does it have to be that whenever people get together, the social dynamics can get complicated? And some do seem to find this fountain so it is worthwhile looking for it.
All of us have been in love. Remember those moments when the traffic always moved smoothly, spring was perennially n the air, the meal was always perfect and the object of our love was not only perfection incarnate but gave us all the cuddles and caress we could take? There was promise of joy and happiness in the air. More to the point in this state we are saying “YES” all the time. So it proves that this state is possible but then as we know life happens.
There is this little devil of selfishness & self-centeredness that acts as spoil-sport. Giving to be a joy has to be a two way effort. The world in the state it is, cannot take too much giving without wondering what the heck it is all about. Whatever the Christian Love theory may say, giving the other cheek does not work out very pragmatic in the end. Life is what we make of it. Well then, what is the pragmatic way?
I would say that we take cognizance that we have influence in a given small crowd; let us worry about this crowd. Let us also not forget that The Universe or The Lord if you refer to call HIM, put us here and we are serving a purpose. The first rule we should exercise in our life is to act without “calculation & pre-meditation”. The second being: leave, absolutely leave, the rest of the world alone. Another rule that I have found by experience is to be honest with yourself and your neighbor. Say your piece whatever it is. If you can’t afford it say so. If you want something ask it. No hypocrisy.
If you are living for “Appearance’s sake” then you are digging a hole which will eventually become your grave. This requires a bit of intelligent analysis of the situation, which means also that to say yes properly we should learn to also say no. People are selfish just as we are and out to grab whatever they can and we should not promote this attitude for as I would say it corrodes the soul of the receiver and makes the giver miserable.
I really don’t think these lectures are required. Adults will never make good teachers; there is too much of their own personal agendas involved in their lecturing. It is the children who have the answers. See their attitudes and their approach to life; sincere, always trying and learning new tricks and sharing. There is “newness” in their personal atmospheres and I feel this is the secret to it all.
Emulating them will give us the Key to the joy we are looking for and the YES will get incorporated in our lives without trying; but I warn you, the rest of the world will think of you as immature and unreliable and often “coarse”, especially when you deny them something. But then you are here to say YES to your life and not theirs! Have courage!! The Universe is with you!!!
Discussing the “Sayings” (4)
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Then we have this limitation of thinking that only the female of our own species is beautiful and attractive. The male of the species is considered dumb enough to find anything attractive that comes with her along. You don’t think so! You can laugh at me but then why do these car makers and sports people all have dancing girls with their useless antics around. It really sounds terribly immature as if the entire tribe of organizers have no understanding of human nature and they are not simpletons who are manufacturing paper bags by hand in a back room for the roadside peanut vendor.
The car maker who has put his entire dollar’s worth in designing a luxury car and given it a shape and shine to beat any natural beauty, then goes out to destroy his piece of art by surrounding it by bevies of ladies who I often find downright unattractive. I always wish they would go away so that I could see the car better.
I watch basketball, cricket or other sports because I find the action interesting but when I open the TV what do I get? First the breaks with commercials and then these skimpily dressed young females of the species trying to make the setting livelier. Somebody has definitely got the equation wrong. Do they really think all their viewers are morons who have only one pleasure in life and that is to gape at the opposite sex? They not only upset our viewing pleasure but insult our intelligence too.
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin D Roosevelt.
I read recently about a young girl of 15 having committed suicide by hanging herself because she was afraid that she would fail in her exams. The results have not even been announced. I wonder what values and demands on their psyche have been imposed by their parents and people around them for certainly they are to blame. It is horrifying to see semiliterate people wanting their children to excel as if to compensate for their own shortcomings. Can’t they bring up their children with a dose of love, respect and appreciation? What have these parents done to expect so much of their progeny? Why are egos and stupidity so prominent in their make-up?
One of the biggest problems humans create for them selves is that they live for others. What will they think is more on our minds then living out our own lives?
When people have nursed their egos all their lives, it is difficult to forget something that hurts their self-esteem, their amour-propre. When we have conditioned ourselves to like appreciation even if comes thru the achievements of our children, we are imposing on them a useless burden. We make many objects, actions and various habits a matter of pride that we feel gives us the separate and exclusive identity we crave in this crowded world. But this is restrictive in the sense that it fences us in and we then fight tooth and nail to remain within the fence rather than enjoy life. Take it easy. Patience. Nothing is ever the end. Do your best. Teach these to the kids first before letting them out of your sight.
Discussing the “Sayings” (2)
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller.
This is definitely something being said by a philosopher. And philosophers are known to be living in the clouds, rarely in touch with reality. The only one who understand their uttering are other philosophers. From where I stand I see nothing of adventure. It is more like a drudgery that never seems to end. What we had imagined and what life has finally become! Truth is I agree with this saying but I can’t for the life of me see most people having any inkling of what is being described in it. For example, the owner of the grocery shop where I shop; he has to stand twelve hours a day, routinely look after clients with no respite day-in-day-out. He goes home to sleep and to listen to his wife’s complaints or demands which are mostly connected with children, household problems, relatives and in-laws; although justified he cannot do much about them as both time and energy are at a premium. In another instance take my maid. Not enough income, large family as she cannot stop her husband from enjoying her. Then brooming and washing dishes since the time she was 14 and now she is 60+. Is this adventure or a sick joke?
Who wants adventure? Life is taken as it was offered. No attempt to change or “think” other wise was ever even hinted by their souls. The learning process and excitement went out of their character long ago. Are you prepared to share their burden? If not, they are not interested in anything and definitely not any philosophy!
Expect much from yourself and little from others and you will avoid incurring resentments. – Confucius.
And thereby deprive us of all meaning to live? Confucius may have been a great and wise man and I know a major portion of humanity lives by what he says but just imagine life without complaints, without anyone to blame and without scapegoats to carry the load. I mean where would be the spice in living so kindly? And truth be told, what about the negative attitudes of those around us, how do we ignore that? Seems something like an illusion. And this business of expecting much from myself is really mind numbing. Am I not a grand guy already? All I ask from others is a little respect of my space which is my right and some appreciation of all I do. Do you not see any virtue in my person?
Dead or Alive
Would somebody tell me how valuable I am? Am I more valuable dead than alive? You would of course say “alive”. Truly you would say I am asking a pointless and silly question. Very well, then would you explain to me why nobody could find time to visit Mr. X when he was alive but all turned out to pay him “respect”(sic) when he finally called it a day? Am I being silly then? Now my own time is not too far off. I was reflecting on my own life. I did the unpardonable by living by my principles and whims instead of the community’s and was rather stark in my annoyance if anyone crossed the line beyond reasonable limits. So today I have the pleasure of rarely receiving anyone from the family; even the ones who found me “super” when younger. They remember my indiscretions, my frank and outgoing speeches and think I am best kept at a distance which suits me fine (I suppose they are afraid I will contaminate the minds of their children).
The other day I was talking to my wife on this subject and I told her when my time comes would she have the guts to ask people to leave me alone in death as they had done in life? I would definitely want it so.
I do wonder why we give so much importance to death and make it such a grim and solemn affair. After-all the departed one could not care less and he could be in no way sad about the turn of events. There is this uppermost enigma in my mind as to why we reserve the eulogizing for the dead while the living ones get all the contemptuous glances and more? There is no love lost before death and after it there is nothing but it. If anyone is looking for proof of the basic elemental dishonesty in human nature one has to simply visit a wake. All their lives those who were dying to hear a kind word have to literally die to hear one!
My father was an intellectual and although he loved company of his friends and family and could easily become the life of the party, he was by virtue of his hobbies and activities happy to be left alone too. When he was younger he was the best placed in the family and helped all his younger brothers to get placed and sisters married off. In time the brothers established themselves and had families and responsibilities of their own. Time for gathering around my father shrinked from days to hours and then to minutes to less and less and by the time he was sixty very few had any time to visit him until and unless they had a problem only his genius could solve. My own bent of spirit is a little on the philosophical side and I took after him in more ways than one and I can say he was proud of me and contented enough to see me doing as well as he had done.
I have always made an effort to find time to be with people I tend to miss. So although my father was in Hyderabad and I was in Delhi, I spent at least 3-4days every month with him religiously. Then one day the ominous call did come. But at his age it was expected and a matter of time. I reached there immediately to take care of affairs and informed all my family who are mainly in the north of India that they should please do me the favor of not rushing down. For one I did not have the personnel and resources to host anyone; and more importantly I wanted to be alone. I told them they would be welcome to visit me and my mother when we are in Delhi in a month’s time. Knowing me they all did as told. We did not miss them and I am sure they were very relieved to avoid this troublesome trip.
I have been one of the lucky ones. I enjoyed exactly 47 years of a close life with my father and my brother. I pride myself in thinking that the delight was mutual. I took time out to spend as much of my days as I could with both of them. I may regret a lot of things but not the time with them. Now that they are gone I feel orphaned. But as it happens in life there are always compensatory comings and goings. My daughter came into my life when I was 58; when I had all the time in the world to devote to her. The last 3 and a half years I have been with her all the time. My wife is a full time employee so the mothering came on my shoulders and I loved it. It has been the loveliest part of my life. The laughter, the kisses, the clinging and the gamboling; nothing can beat it all. Only now that she is growing up and does not need my physical embraces so much I am already beginning to feel the distancing and a wistfulness creeps in. I get to hold her nowadays only when something disturbs her at night and then she slips into my lap and goes to sleep in my arms. How long will the title “Grandest Papa in the Whole World” last? Why do these kids have to grow so fast?
MENDING RELATIONSHIPS
A discussion began on the art of mending relationships. But being the cynical guy that I am, I was not convinced on the validity of the subject matter chosen for the discussion. For as crystally clear it can be, the first question is why did things in the relationship come to the impasse where they needed to be mended at all; secondly I am prone to ask rather insensitively if there was a relationship at all and if you are not better off without the relationship hanging around your neck.
It will be called improper but it has to be said that we are opportunists. Find me one earthling who will squarely deny that he was never tickled pink by the slips and misfortunes of others; what a sense of superiority it gives and in case of mishaps it is free slapstick comedy. We love to have a hearty guffaw at the expense. A certain level of insensitivity is often shown openly which can mar relationships. If we reign in our propensities to insult, spew venom and laugh at others it is because we know that it could turn out to be extremely injurious to our well being. But when safe we do let ourselves go. It is another matter the recipient of our amusement may be hurt to the point of retaliation; quite a lot of people do.
Well whatever the reason; inadvertently or willfully if some drama was enacted that resulted in a relationship to be torn asunder then the first question to be asked is what happened. If it was a planned move to break the relationship then there is nothing except good riddance to be said. If the instance was some of sort of accident then there is only one thing to do. Quickly apologise and rectify matters; if the other permits you. There is no reason on earth to convince a battered ego that it may have been an accident. Then one must face the fact that accident or not, the loss of prestige was real and humans don’t forgive so readily.
I even go to the extent of breaking willfully certain relationships that have been giving me a crick in the neck. I have often exacerbated an issue that effectively closed avenues for reconstructing the relationship. Often even when the other party tries hard to come over with a new gambit to start all over again, I just play deaf and dumb. There is enough precedence in life to support this attitude. There has to be some reason behind the sayings – Good fences make good neighbors - Treat every man as a gentleman until he proves himself otherwise. – Absence makes the heart grow fonder. – A snake is better left in the bush etc etc. Relationships kept for formality’s sake only give irritating rashes.
I have a relation who is very nice and when we meet he has a lot of gossip about others; not always the good kind. So it is safe to assume that he would be speaking of me to others too and not always in very kind terms. This was confirmed by one of my cousin sisters one day. After that I deliberately, somewhat slowly though, started keeping a distance and pointedly made it clear that we are managing well without his attention. No harm done. We are still on each other’s list of invitees but we meet rarely. Both are quite content with this state of affairs. I have created this chasm with many relations who had outlived there usefulness. Every relationship dropped gives few more kilos of peace of mind. I put all my energies in supporting and nurturing my relationships that are happy ones.
Neighbors are the worst offenders. In the name of neighborhood-brotherhood, they impose, intrude and try more often than not to get more than what politeness may deem right. I remember when we had moved in to this neighborhood, a carpenter was working with us. In my absence a neighbor came and took him away for fixing his curtain rod. Not only no permission was taken but he did not pay the guy for his services; later on he tells me that he was sure I would not mind. How selfishly presumptuous!
Other incidences followed. Eventually I decided to tick them off at the first opportunity which arrived soon enough. They were clearly annoyed, told me in no clear terms that I should not consider myself very hoighty toighty and if I will be belligerent they will answer by being tenfold. I kept my cool and I told the old guy that he was my elder and he should behave that way. He kept on ranting his tune in his wild tone while I kept on repeating the same sentence - "You are my elder. Please behave that way." After about the seventh time he relented and walked off. Later he tried to become friendly again but I refused to accept his greetings and never responded to any overture. Things are now cool and contented between us.
There is a definite case of not fighting against reality and destiny. Make the effort to keep good relations but if they break nevertheless then let them slip into their natural equilibrium.
TIRED for Nothing.
My wife is one of the pillars of our country. She works so that people like me can enjoy a life of bliss. I am definitely one of the hangers-on; living away from the hustle-bustle of modern day life and inconveniences. I am so used to the calm and silences in my life that getting out of the house seems like being dropped in a cauldron. The down side of living as a hanger-on is that we have to go where we are lead. So outings are decided by the time availability of my wife and I am taken along for the convenience; after all somebody has to drive the car, hold the baby and the bags, give technical advice on goods and products and if necessary talk the shop-keeper down.
Now we are from the middle class. This means we cannot afford to go shopping in air-conditioned malls or other exotic locales; although I do remember going to one mall some time ago to have the experience. The place was full of young people with no place to go and the shops were empty. After a while I just wanted out of there. Coming back to my story, we go to one of the largest middle class shopping centers in town called the Sarojini Market. From a sleepy market it has now become one of the most crowded and vibrant but in its favor one has to say that everything we are looking for we find them there and also many things that irritate us.
Saturdays and Sundays are the only days we have free time. Unfortunately the whole town suffers from the same symptom. The shops are fine, even the crowd can be tolerated. What makes the experience tiresome is the walking area is full of well entrenched hawkers taking up the whole place and the shopkeepers displaying their wares outside the showrooms, taking up the walking area. Then the itinerant sellers with their wares on their shoulders keep coming on, they stand right in your path and ask you to buy their hankies, belts or tablecloths - the list is long. I feel like giving them one. To add to the melee are the beggars.
Dirt from spitting, garbage and the attitude that every corner is a dustbin if not a toilet forms part of the larger picture.
So the poor visitors who make the market hum are left struggling with 4 feet of space to wander in. It is shoulder to shoulder experience and the fear that your pocket will be picked. I go there because I have to but after precisely an hour or so, I absolutely demand a glass of cold coffee. This revives me for about twenty minutes. Then when the going becomes unbearable, we enter any of the showrooms that have created a haven by glass and air-conditioning. We pose at looking at their wares and obviously find nothing of interest. Revived then we go on again.
And I wonder why I am getting so tired in this surrounding. Is it the carbon dioxide in the air or just my sensitivity or something else? Of course the attitude of the people we end up interacting with is very “do-your-thing-quickly-and-go”; polite but couldn’t care less.
Then I chanced to read a passage in the TOI from the Karuna Wellness Centre. The writer says: “Stress is physically infectious. People under stress radiate stress energy to the surroundings through their chakras and auras. Consciously or subconsciously they transfer a great bulk of stress by being nasty and rude to others”. I find this explanation perfectly explaining the fatigue I feel. The relief I get on getting out of the market is palpable; as if coming out of a sauna.
The auras of others are not the only thing I feel. When you are used to cleaner environment and have spent a lot of time in beautifying your space, and you wish to live a “beautiful” life, you are annoyed and it shows when you have to tolerate the mess and dirt created by others – specially in public places. I have always used the condition of the toilet area as an indicator of the mentality of the owners and a very fine pointer to the environment and attitudes I will meet there. I have rarely been wrong.
I have often wondered why as a people we are so callous about the cleanliness of public spaces. Just look at this picture. This is the entry to the market of Greater Kailash 1 market; one of the poshest colonies or at least with a very rich class of residents. People from all over come here. This is where they park their stylish cars worth a few fortunes. But nobody complains so there is a tacit acceptance. When shall we insist on getting the best? Because as Somerset Maugham says: Those who insist on the best normally get it!
It has to be a collective effort.
Knowing thru Words
The big question is how does one learn about new phenomenon thru words, or even pictures and other previously known data or facts; more to the point is the question is it at all possible? When we read about new things all we have are words and thru the words we try to paint a picture in our mind. How reliable is the picture that we make? Even when we have pictures or diagrams to facilitate our picturising does it really do what was intended? The answer is a flat no. At best we can expect a very poor approximate. Even with very vast experiences and exposure, with very well written words to explain in detail, the feel cannot be obtained and that will never make the experience complete.
Everyone has sometime or the other seen lovely pics of snow laden countryside
mainly in calendars as the main picture for the winter months. It gets 8 degrees minus out there and a wind is blowing. Taking the chill factor the cold is like 20 deg minus. But here I am in Delhi; a resident from the warm plains of India. It does get cold here too but. Even if I went and sat in the refrigerator, I would not realize the way the cold gets into the bones; especially when it goes on and on and there is nowhere to run away from it. All I can do is compare it with the cold I have known and because I am from the desert region, more used to the heat at 30 to 40 deg C, even the 5 degrees of Delhi are enough to give me the shivers. Then we do have the experience of chilly winds coming down from the mountainous regions so we can easily visualize by stretching the imagination what is happening to the people in the picture. But what about the people further south living comfortably in the south of India by the sea side? Will they ever understand? Can’t see how?
It is a rare person who can pass thru the barrier of words to experience anything. I am not aware of anyone with this capacity. Words are self limiting. Adding to this limitation is the fact that in everybody’s memory any given word will pop up pictures which are different from individual to individual. What cold means to me may mean totally something else to the other guy who constitutionally can tolerate extreme cold dips and still be comfortable in a T shirt. Somebody who has not seen the seas can only compare the word picture of the sea shore and the horizon by comparing to a lake he has known. Even by a long stretch of the imagination he will never really realize the vastness. A picture would help and thank God for photography.
If the above discussion hasn’t convinced you then let me put up a question. If you are a land lubber, and I explain to you the intricacies of swimming with words, action and charts and throw you in the water, do you think you would be able to swim? Most likely not; most likely you would panic, take in water and get absolutely terrified and forget every iota of instructions given and scream for help and hate me ever after.
The only way to acquire knowledge is by going through the mill. I bring this subject up today because I see so much of the printed word which is available is an exercise in futility. Most of the time all that is being said is totally beyond the experience of the reader. It may only end up giving him the impression that he knows but in reality all it will do is give him a swollen head but no knowledge of the real issues. Experience cannot be duplicated by words.
In olden times, it was a sacred rule to pass on words of information and wisdom only to those who it was felt would appreciate it and would know how to make use of it for further self improvement or action. But today everyone is a “Wise Man”. His head full of info actually creating a screen that separates him from reality.
Take the subject of spirituality. I see words and reams of printed paper explaining everything in beautiful detail. Words like Truth is God; meaningless. The word Truth is open to millions of explanations and God even more so. Words like this “world is an illusion” – ask the guy who has to take a jam packed bus everyday to work what it means to him. Few people can speak softly to their children and love them unselfishly but they think they understand “COMPASSION”; not only understand they even think that they have been able to inculcate it into their very being. Others spend hours in meditation and read the Gita and other texts and loose their cool every time somebody crosses their path. But talk to them and you will see that they are fully convinced of their superiority and even critical of others less endowed than them.
Coming closer to earth, I have the same to say of most managers. They are well read and spout many theories. They can discuss everything under the sun but when it comes to the crux, they do not know how to handle an irate customer or even a disgruntled employee.
Be wary of words. Don’t let them fool you into complacency. The thumb rule is if you have not experienced it, you don’t really know. So go after the experience. It will teach you more in am minute than you can learn thru hours of book learning.
Listen and Be Damned.
I am tired of being told that to live a more efficient life I need to become a good listener. Open any book on self development, spiritual emancipation, marriage counseling or management science and the same advice glares at you from all sides. All the glitches are from poor listening if there is any listening in the first place. Not a single writer, philosopher or guru ever mentions the other side of the picture.
Tell me how will listening help? I am here to make my life easy; not yours. If I listen, I put myself in the unedifying position of wanting to better myself and do a good job. This would in turn bring in appreciation and then everybody would be gunning for me to do more. No sir! I just wish to bide my time and would like a lot of margin to hedge my bets. I love people with poor language abilities and even poorer interpersonal behavior patterns. In this situation I am always able to find excuses and faults enough to cover my intentions of not wanting to do anything in the first place.
I sincerely have not understood how listening could be of help to me. I live in my very private cocoon; perfectly smug in my little comfortable corner. I am aware of my faults and till date I have been covering them up quite well; or at least I think so. From what I can see, listening can only bring me a host of complications. I can site many examples. I would rather spend my time arguing it out (what would politely be called discussion) than really going about doing wonderfully all that I am capable of doing and gather praises.
My wife asks me to put out the garbage. But as she likes to talk long distance with her face mostly in the opposite direction with her face stuck inside some pot or shelf, it gives me the perfect excuse to feign as if I never heard anything and ignore the situation, hoping that she would do the job herself. If I am caught out there would be enough arguments up my sleeve to at least put up a show of indignation. You see I simply cannot make it easy for her. If I did so, the number of jobs that I would end up doing would only grow in number. Believe me, I am better off with my reputation of being absent-minded, partly deaf or weak in the head or whatever.
In the office, I always put up a good show of listening while my mind is flitting all over the globe. It is a good thing they can’t see my thoughts. Last evening I was called in by my boss. He wanted me to receive a company head at the airport; a job he was slated to be doing himself. Now I definitely do not appreciate being ploughed into this kind of secretarial duties. So I said nothing then, but an hour before the flight, I rang up the boss to tell him that I was 40 kms away on another job I had been assigned and docilely started asking him for advice on how to complete the job to his entire satisfaction. Now he was in a fix. Here I was asking for advice while he wanted to be angry and ask me why I was not on the way to the airport. Finally he did ask the question. I had already rehearsed my answer. So I showed surprise and replied that was it not in the morning that I was supposed to go to the airport. The boss fumed and knew that he been outfoxed and went himself eventually. So you see!
Now I am no junior either but my boss is one step ahead of me and does not let me forget it. He tries to ply me with work that he should be doing himself. My plate is already full and he knows it. So what; that does not stop him. Now you would readily have reckoned, the whole of my existence is to slip out of sticky situations. If I listened it would be the end of me.
The truth of the matter is that humanity does not want to listen. We live in a very self-centered world and are content to be there. Listening opens us to betterment and that is not really desired. What would happen to our personal agendas that in the normal course we dare not expose to others? Listening allows seeds to be sowed in the heart which will, of course, grow and upset the status quo no end.
Here I have just brushed the subject as far as we see in our daily existences. The truth is that NOT listening is the norm; even in other more truthful environments like spirituality, ashrams and religious societies. Life is lived like a charade with many lies being promoted and practiced because it suits everybody. I look at my own and the life of others around me. Believe me I am not really surprised. I don’t see anyone achieving their human aims by playing clean and fair. Lies, even evident lies are vehemently promoted and lapped up. To believe me all you need is to see some of the adverts on the TV, some of the truths propagated by religious leaders, some of the principles of schooling in practice, most of the medical principles advanced and found wanting and continued nevertheless.
Listening means peeping in corners we are really not keen on. It then insists that attention be paid, being alert and aware. Who in the name of heaven really wants all that? I am appalled at the idea that my “amour propre” will have to take a back seat. This wont do at all. Listening would mean throwing the science of keeping appearances in the dustbin and revealing ourselves in all our insincere nakedness to the world. Sorry this is not acceptable and that is that!
I am here to fulfill my selfish ends and am not averse to join in the drama. Once I have made my pile that will allow me to live out my life to my wishes, who would care about listening anyway?
Corporate lawyers and what they doThe other day I had the refreshing opportunity to meet a young man aspiring to be a corporate lawyer. As a career how true does it hold for the Indian condition?
Till recently, from what I can see, the Indian corporations had not been allowed to go international and therefore remained small or fairly large entities with a controlling structure firmly in the hands of a patriarch or a small bunch of a family. The whims and fancies of the chief resulted in the decisions that the corporation then followed. The mind set was feudal and the management even more so. Nothing was straightforward. What the corporation purported to be doing and what it actually did to make a killing were two entirely different things. The Chartered accountant who knew what was going on would paint the correct picture for public consumption. The balance sheet would show red or black as the chief decided the need of the moment demanded and that was that. A public company was even more rampantly badly managed as the share holders were the final losers. All companies were playing on the governments controls. The interest rates were high and monopolies were more the rule than the exception. The profit margins were high and clean business unheard of. In this scenario I would have failed to see a corporate lawyer making any headway. The companies would invest half their money in manufacturing or trading as shown on paper. The other half would be invested in other companies doing well for some reason or the other or in land. Fixed deposits would fetch up to 18% per annum. A profit that is difficult to achieve even by well managed companies today. Supplier’s payments would be delayed as long as possible so that interest could be earned on the amount and that would help the company keep financially afloat. All rules and laws were observed in the breaking more or less; the fear of the law taking speedily its course hardly being a deterrent. The legal system of India with its tortoise speed actually encourages breaking of economic laws. Businesses actually want to go to court. Keeping arguments sub judice is in their interest. This way they can continue holding on to funds that does not belong to them or supply substandard products and services at favorable margins. When the time comes of a settlement it is done out of court. By then, in the interweaving years which may be anything from 10 to 20 years, the company has doubled or tripled its capital base by earning interest on the blocked capital. It even tempts the corporations to edge over to take criminal risks. The activities are rarely illegal per se but highly unethical nevertheless. The corporate lawyer as I can see in the present context can only be a paid executive of the company doing nearly the same as any lawyer working independently. The only difference being that he becomes a specialist for that corporation’s activities. Still the question remains if he will ever get a chance to become an advisor and policy maker because that is where the actual fun is. Often the owners of the company play on the vanities of younger people to win their trust and promote them to director levels; they become unknowingly fronts for the owner and worse, get caught in the criminal net! The opening of the economy has brought a different culture. A culture of a corporation working by certain principles laid down by the board is not exactly new to India but now is becoming quite accepted. All the international MNCs that have opened shop are bringing a whiff of some unknown managing customs. Good for us! In this change of managing methods, there is of course a place for the corporate lawyer. But gain I ask a question. In India where the legal system remains out of tune to the exigencies of the time, how much can a corporate lawyer really do? And if he will not be allowed to do much, is there a career in it? A corporate lawyer is at best a management expert with knowledge of the law for the time being and for some time it will remain so. The answer is elsewhere. It is in the Law firms which are fast becoming a force worth emulation and aping. They act as consultants to corporations and also take their cases to court. The corporation’s prefer to pay them a consultancy and get expert advice and support rather then depend on untried employees with no chance to broaden their scope of experience in a small enclosed environment. The corporate lawyer is really coming into his own in these law firms. While we are on the subject, why not think International? With international trade growing and corporations from other countries active here and vice versa, here is fodder for the next generation as long as they are not influenced mainly by the vision of a high profile life as seen in the movies and TV serials coming to us from the western countries where the jet-set corporate lawyer is a power to reckon with. He not only knows the law but also assists the corporations to walk the fine fence of “just legal”. He carries a lot of prestige and even political clout as he holds a place nobody else can boast of in the hierarchy of the corporation. He is the only one who understands and often the only one privy to the complete picture. Of course the position then gives him huge corporate benefits such as limos and secretaries with his own jet and what not. If only life could be restricted to such glamorous visions! Beethoven’s Pastoral.
Have you heard Beethoven’s Pastoral? It is piece of quiet melody with a lot of power. It takes you back to the slower times a few centuries ago when the choices were limited and so were the topics of conversation and the number of people you could talk to. People did not read and write and the conversation was limited to one’s very personal surroundings such as hunting, dogs, local skirmishes and gossips, the weather and stories. Life was slow paced and keeping one’s counsel was more the norm. Silence was known and appreciated. One can still get this experience if one can find a quiet spot in the lap of nature where mechanical advancements of the last 200 years have not made an appearance. In contrast we are today inundated with the incessant noise and the continuous bandying of words. Everybody has so much to say. Everybody knows so much and understands so little; this is the crux. We are surrounded by second-hand information and wisdom and we are actively perpetuating it as our own. The Media is serving us wisdom on a platter and there is always something to talk about. We quote great Gurus and sound erudite. It is all so superficial. It is the germ which goes into making of intellectual snobs. These are intelligent people, good with words and supremely nubile in connecting individual words to other related words in a continuous stream of sentences which is unending. It is also a word-wall which hides the real person. It is also a dead give-away to lack of depth; we see this in others and yet do not believe for a moment that we ourselves could be afflicted. I have noticed two trends. One how everyone talks assuming that the other is a total ignoramus, two how speedily faults are found in the statements of others; as if superciliousness is in fashion. We are so busy pouncing on words, we fail to give ourselves time to go behind the meaning of the whole sentence or paragraph.Of course, taken in isolation, any meaning can be attributed to any statement. The mind is playing with the words and not using them for what they are: vehicles to pass on the images from one mind to another. The result is a lot of conversation yet little is said. I have a firm belief, things should be said when there is a live "QUESTION" necessating or/and demanding an answer!Otherwise there is a lot of noise made, many words written which are not paid attention to and soon forgotten. I think we humans need to learn to conserve our energies in this domain.Of course there is this need to expand the mind and this can be done only by extensive reading and listening to others. To begin all this info and knowledge is certainly necessary.The importance cannot be estimated in words and figures. All begins here. But some people take this collecting of info as the wisdom itself and lose their way.So we need to be on our guard otherwise we shall be counting the trees and miss the forest. Another aspect of our lives is the extent of exposure an individual gets. What kind of lives do people live on the average? A very small world indeed! It is my experience that very few people are able to actually connect with most of the words and ideas represented. For most it will be a lot of beautiful sounding theories with little or no connectivity with their personal thoughts and experiences. At best it can be an intellectual exercise; what can be called “poetic gymnastics”.Your experiences when put into words cannot wholly transfer the whole images and pictures that are stamped in your memory; therefore even though you may be using commonly understood words, the end result is not always evident. You may even see the eyes going blank. Which brings me to another pet peeve; too much is being told! There is a limit to how much can be safely told and said. Wisdom and knowledge is gathered in stages. Every piece of info is now available in books and on the internet. I suppose everyone wants to be heard and feels that he has much to say. But there is wisdom also in considering if, the recipient is ready; this is a kind of knowledge which I feel should not be given out to all and sundry. They would not know its value. Rather if misunderstood and the chances are very high, they might even harm themselves. My belief is firm in the harm the unbridled use of the spoken and written word is causing. Take for instance Depression. Every morning morbid pieces of heart churning news is published in the dailies and often repeated on the TV with lurid pictures. In general it has a depressive effect. It also creates unknown fears; then why do we continue with it? And worse, we make it available 24 hrs, day in and day out. How will the knowledge that a plane went down in Russia, Britney is having baby or that a politician’s son has taken an overdose of cocaine help me understand the world and myself better and improve my life and sort? Recently I had a conversation with someone who was sad and thinking of suicide. She was maintaining her level of sadness by harboring and focusing on her morbid thoughts. Instead of trying to engage the mind elsewhere she was feeding her mind by delving on the subject in everyway she could. One of this was by listening to songs that would revive the sad moments. This is what I had to say to her: Because you are sensitive to "words", not to listen to anything with words in it. Specially love songs and such, as these would tend to revive dormant memories and sadness/nostalgia. Don’t listen even to instrumental versions of the songs that bring words to your mind.Stick to pure music and you will see this will bring a change.Words are there to help us see and go beyond our own limitations but every time we go out to disseminate info, I think we should also consider this question “Is it useful, Is there a need for it here, because the problem is in showing to others what they are not trained or ready to see? TOMORROW NEVER COMES
There was a song in the movie Yellow Rolls Royce, which affected me deeply. It says, “Let’s forget about domani, for domani never comes.” It should be made the theme song for procrastinators. Specially for people who leave everything for the last moment if not later. Our life-style and work culture till now has been of the laid-back style and we have quite got into the habit of taking things easy, knowing fully well that we will be able to find some way of passing the buck. Putting things off for later is an ostrich complex kind of behavior, which is really a sign of immaturity. It also shows lack of dedication or over-confidence in one’s ability to manage one’s time or worse it is a show put on for the undeserving to give an aura of time unavailability due to prior engagements. This attitude career-wise is self-inflicted damage. Do you really believe if you delay the execution of the matter, it will go away? Well, for argument’s sake, I will accept that certain situations do correct themselves if not interfered with but paper-deadlines don’t fall in this category. Do you really believe you can squeeze in more minutes in the day than the next person? If you can, of course you really know how to manage your time and are very aware of the time to be allotted to each activity and you really also know how to execute every job precisely and with focus. To you I would say this note is not for you. To the snobs who think that they can impress others by a show of being busy, I have only a word of caution; you are fooling nobody and eventually even those who are impressed at first, will know that you are bluffing and all your credits will go down the drain. The following resources will help you make the most of your time and bring you success in the work place: A) Assertiveness: This means getting your thoughts across accurately and properly. The actions are always preceded by forethought and research. But all this is to be packaged without aggressiveness. B) Communication: The ability to communicate well is of the utmost importance. This means not knowing only what to say, but also knowing how to and when to say it. Very few people take the trouble of improving their language and delivery skills. You ignore this fact to your peril. C) Time watching: Time allocation takes on a totally new meaning when you wish to stop the habit of procrastination. You have to steel yourself against letting yourself waste time or not keep appointments. When you make a list of the “TO DOs”, you have to work hard at finishing them. Personal feelings and emotional slidings have to be curtailed at all costs. If procrastination has become a habit, it has to be seen in this light and treated as a bad habit. Are you game? IF YOU DON’T MIND….
Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say”, which of course implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always pleasantly surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “if there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it”; rather his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation. The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this caliber, would he be your servant? I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me. Especially the way we take the opposite side of any argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow-up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find in each other. But today this has become the very opposite. People from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is – “scoldings and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise because we are in a position to do so? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behavior. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and be discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behavior then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for. We even take this style in the upbringing of our children. When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate & control everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time. It is only when disaster strikes that for a while we see our faults and reflect. But for the rest of our lives we are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “Greats & Gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world! The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness. Defocusing & Stepping Back
to see things better The age old advice to sleep over matters to gain a better perspective is a very important one. The mind needs time to mull over things and stepping back and giving it time to reflect is an important step in better management of life and self. The human mind and thinking process is easily contaminated by personal vanity and desires emanating thru it. Often we make issues inordinately personal and then we focus so hard on a single factor in life to the exclusion of all else, that we shut ourselves out from the actual world and live in a castle in our mind refusing to come out or even acknowledge that anything like a world out there exists. We become obsessed with our doings and our pride makes us think that if we did not act, nothing would happen; we see ourselves as the initiator. This state of affairs can only bring pain and disappointment. The mind by itself is rarely able to break away from its own centralised focus and wallows in its singular quicksand, getting deeper and deeper into its own vortex. Unfortunately, the cosmos continues to go on in its merry way and this leaves us sad, lost and depressed. It is at this stage or before this stage is reached, that it is necessary to break off the tentacles of these thoughts that we have encastled ourselves in, out of a sense of prestige and from strong desire. This is done by retraining the mind to defocus and re-enlarge its view. We need to stop the mind from turning on itself and going in circles; perhaps even stop its incessant thinking. Then when the mind is in a state of openness, let new thoughts and ideas at least be given a cursory hearing. Slowly the mind will deflect itself and realign itself with the world at large. New interests will take birth and all will be contentment again. In a general way most understand the theory of Karma from the point of what was “DONE”. A little introspection and quiet contemplation will reveal two things: 1) that the course of our lives is based more on the things that were NOT DONE; the decisions which were not taken. 2) that at every moment we are given a simple choice of saying “yes” or “no” ; this determines the course of our lives.
If our lives are in a mess or things are not going forward as we had hoped, all we need to do is look back and discover the steps we did not take when we should have and the steps that have brought us to this impasse. The course correction is then obvious and the best way to deal with the moment is by taking the path that we should have but did not take and do it as soon as possible with intensity and sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negate some of the effects of the past doings or not-doings. The truth is that deep in our hearts we all know where we are going wrong and where we have gone earlier. We are well aware of our lacunas but cover it with coats of appearances as if what the others “see” of us is more important than living our lives to our heart’s content. We put all our energies in keeping up the pretence of being on top of the world and look for magical solutions; if not solutions then at least excuses that will allow us to hold our head high and show to the world how well we are holding on in this unkind world. Mankind is terribly clever. Statements like – “Everything is preordained”; “If it is in our destinies it will happen”; “It is all in the stars”; “God wished it this way” and many others in the same hue serve us well to sit back and lament our condition rather than do something about it. Our minds can place arguments from old sayings and proverbs and other great minds to prove our point as if arguing and convincing our neighbor is the final answer to our woes. When the time comes for action we run to soothsayers, astrologers, and practioners of occult tricks and look for smart-quick fixes. Millions of work hours and good money is spent in poojas and practices to change the flow of our miserable lives. Tell me truly, do you really believe that your pooja down here will change the position of Saturn up there? If not then how do you expect a change to occur? The reality is that you have been given a non-negotiable state. No choice here; the parents, the place of birth, brothers, sisters, later the teachers, friends all these are already fixed. Before you know or understand what is going on decisions have been piled up on you and your personality formed by the dictates of others. After the harm has been done, you are expected to go out and make something out of this bad bargain and be successful in this world. It is obvious that lamenting or trying to wash the sins off in the Ganges won’t help. Asking help of the stars through appeasement won’t help either because they are the ones who put you where you are in the first place. So comes the big question; what can you do? First of all stop talking of past lives and often taking this as the perfect pretext towards our helplessness and as an excuse to the un-changeability of the course of our fate and lives. This is very convenient thinking and an oversimplification which suits mankind very well as it absolves them from the effort to make the necessary change and correction in their lives. Sit down and analyze your karmic path up to date. Study your own nature and note the actions and reactions that you are prone to. Work out the steps that you can take with immediate effect to alleviate or bring in the wanted change and go ahead & take the first step. This is psycho-analysis of a kind. You will realize soon enough what is wrong and why. Then the solution will become obvious in a flash and you will be free to start all over again with a new path opening out in front of you. Your effort is an integral part of your destiny. You will realize that you have been given some positive streaks in your nature which are your strengths and also some negative streaks which are your weaknesses. You are required to learn from life’s incidences and overcome the negative turns in your life by using your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmful possibilities that happen from your negative attributes. There is always a small period in our lives when we become “Important”. This is the time when we get into the self-important mode. We are in our eyes not only in control but, often, as we perceive the cause and effects around us, we are certain, even if the world may not wholly agree with us, of being the source of the happenings. In a microcosm, we are not part of the Creation, but see ourselves as part of the creator effect.
This is the time when our vanities are ballooning. We are still young as far as a life-span goes. At the age of youth in the twenties, it is easy to see ourselves as giants with infinite capacities for getting things done. We can take it all on. The body is strong, the mind is full of certitudes and nobody is immune to our charms. Then we decide what has to be done, and soon we get it done. We are almost mystified by our own image, although at the back of our minds a small question mark haunts us; why does not the world see us in our true light? It is galling. Here we are, ready and willing, with all the knowledge and strength to put everything in the right order, if only people would listen! Then, there are those who are luckier than others. Who are born with a silver spoon, well in this category we can include even those with a brass spoon with silver plating. They come into a world, which is already structured, and whatever they see or touch is theirs. Even when they stretch their five senses to their limits, they can only see themselves at the center of things and of course, in full control. They can manipulate everyone and every instance. They continue to grow into this environment and gradually realize their potential for creation or mischief as their nature leads them. Soon, they are alienating themselves from everything. But they do not know it yet. Whenever they come across a person or situation they do not like, they simply cut it out. They can well afford to. To the whole world they come across as self-centered, arrogant, and closed personalities but they could not care. Even the world has to grudgingly acknowledge that they are good and able and if circumstances so need, a bit of groveling up to them is ok. This, as we all know is a straight path to perdition. The truth is we are only a small cog in a big wheel in a very huge machinery. Try to imagine the immensity of it all. For once, just for an experiment, go out in to the night, alone, and watch the firefly. There may be hundreds, but focus on one. Then think, how many nights have come before and how many will come later. How long does a fly last even in this one night? How long do you have to sparkle? Come out of your cocoon. Listen to the world around without having to comment or direct anything. Let the world run itself for a moment. There will be withdrawal symptoms but tolerate them just for a while and then you will know peace and really see! The world that did not matter uptil now, will suddenly start to matter!! Conditioned and stamped.
Personality development classes promise a new you after about 10 sessions. The entire curriculum is based on the belief that “We are masters of our destinies”. It is a very invigorating thought. In reality it is a good ploy for making money but that is another story. A little scratching of the surface nature will show how deeply we are “conditioned” by our earlier days with our parents, teachers and families. Later on we pick up other innumerable fixed ideas from the many theories being expounded around us. Simple things but effectively that can make or mar our lives. We put on so many mental gags over ourselves and then would rather be martyrs to our cause than speak-up or do what our inner being is urging us to.
How much of us are intelligently controlling our lives? Are all our acts premeditated and objectively thought out? Is our “intelligence” our master or something else? How often do you say or have said that “It slipped my mind”? If the answer is –often- then it is clear that some other process rules our actions and gives direction to our lives.
The other I paid a visit to my cousins. I saw a good example of mental gags in action. I felt that their one year old grandchild was undernourished. So I brought up the subject on what she was feeding the child. The question was couched in a form that made it look like as if I was asking for her advice. After all she has brought up 5 children of her own. I was surprised to hear that she was feeding the child mainly on diluted buffalo milk. I made my surprise show and asked her why she was depending on the buffalo milk being supplied by a milkman who was himself buying the milk from unknown sources. In India it is well known that milkmen dilute the milk with tap water which can be highly contaminated with industrial pollutants in the cities. The dairy owners boost their productions with unqualified and uncontrolled use of steroids given to the buffaloes. It is a well known fact that milk is being doctored to increase quantity with questionable ingredients. The reply that I got from my cousin sister was even more shocking than the piece of news of using buffalo milk. It seems they had asked their pediatrician and he okayed the use of buffalo milk on the ground that milkmen are known to dilute it and the diluted form of the milk is okay for the child. Use of buffalo milk in even our grandfather’s times was not advised for kids. It was always cow’s milk.
I could simply not understand what was motivating them. They seemed to have put a lock on the door of their own intelligence and going solely by the intelligence of the doctor who it seemed to me was more influenced by his village life lore than his education in a medical school. Additionally he advised the boiling of the plastic feeding bottle for 15 mts each time which I would say would permit some amount of leaching from the ingredients used to manufacture the bottle, the paint on it and the nipple. What did I do in this situation? Nothing! I did not think it polite to correct them and disturb their status quo. My comments would most probably be taken as fault finding. After all I was not having any Diploma to back my assertions. Yet next day I asked my mother to talk to her niece and advise them to change some of the practices.
Another nephew of mine had the same problem after he returned from a stint at his grandparents. The nephew asked me my opinion considering the fact that his child was not growing as expected. In this case I spoke up and virtually ordered the nephew to change the regime. Modern medicine formulations offer us many ready made remedies and preparations and I advised him to change to more nourishing products. Within a month improvement in the child’s responses were seen.
Life shows us how much and how often we are wrong and even points out our faults but we prefer to put in all our efforts to mask these and continue on with a brave face. So many instances of error yet our beliefs are eternally as strong as ever,
How does one show anything to someone who cannot see or/and refuses to see? Recently I was called by a diplomatic mission to teach English to a set of women who were wives of the senior attaches. But the senior most person’s wife would not let me run the show. She had decided that the most convenient way to learn the language would be by practicing grammatical exercises like she had done at school. Every attempt of mine to introduce them to the “living language” with all its figurative connotations and idioms failed miserably. She would just clam up in class after terming it all “DIFFICULT”. Finally I had to ask them to find another teacher. It was like trying to make a myopic person see the horizon when his focus was off kilter beyond two meters.
So I come back to my question? Are we in control or are there many other factors at play? Most of us are strongly set in our ways and traditions and act by habit rather than conscious intelligence.
I have said in other instances that we live by what is convenient. We follow the path of least resistance. We opt for soft solutions to difficult problems and complicate life further. Quite often when our conscience and intelligence is telling us otherwise, we fall prey to our “conditioning” and take the easy obvious path. Quite often we are simply blocked by our ego and refuse to accept that there might be alternatives to our way of thinking or even a different way to the approach we have opted for. We become possessive of our thoughts.
Are we really in control of our destinies?
Have you made your statement?
Many of our decisions are based on thoughts that arise within us influenced by our need to be recognized. It is our vanity at work. Once when I was a lot younger I was asked this question – What is the difference between Pride and Vanity? But that was then and I was completely foxed. The teacher then took the trouble of explaining it to me that that pride was what we thought of ourselves and vanity was what we wanted others to think of us. Since then I have always kept a close watch on my thoughts about myself and would try to fit them into either “pride” or “vanity” category. It is quite a difficult task if we are sincere about it.
This leads us straight to the subject under discussion. A few stories will explain my point better. Let us use these stories to understand and put us on our guard.
Here is a young man; comes from an established industrial family and the only son. It is not difficult for him to think of himself as a cut above the rest. Then he goes to USA for his MBA. Eventually he returns home and joins his father to run the organization. He is allowed to run his own companies that he is allowed to form. His father had already a staff around so he was expected to use the same. This created a subtle two layer clash of interests as his father was keeping a strict control over the running of the company and the staff was not sure who to follow. The knee jerk of the son was to try and control more of what was happening in his companies. So every now and then he would call his executives and instruct them in detail about everything and confuse the issue; even going to the extent of dictating the letters on behalf of his executives and crossing the “T”s and dotting the “I”s as how situations should be managed in the field. This was not only annoying but time wasting as often he would keep his executives locked up in his office for hours in so-called meetings. He was, as I saw it, making a statements galore; some for his pride and some for his vanity. It was needed for his pride to show that he was running the show and not just a puppet around there; and for his vanity he needed to make sure that his executives recognized his talents, education and grasp of the situation. He would go to great lengths to show-off his inside knowledge even of the details of the field even though he never left the comfort of his office. An awful chasm would be created in what needed to be done and what the boss thought should be done. The poor executives were literally sandwiched in between the directives and at the same time under the pressure to show results. The mess his personality was in, soon began to show in the results of the company’s balance sheet; a first class blue-print for fiasco.
So on further analysis what essentially needs to be understood is the question : are we making statements or doing things that need to be done?
One very good formula to separate the requirement based actions from the statement based actions is by asking the question: Am I trying to impress others with this action? Am I keeping at the back of my mind what effect it will have on others? A little introspection will do.
Let us say you go to the doctor for some pain in the back. Nobody knows about it and you are stoic enough to keep it yourself. There the doctor takes x-rays and advises rest and medication. You do all these and come to office the next week, refreshed and happy and when asked where and what you were up to, you smile and tell them that you had a holiday as you felt the need for it; and that being that. This is a requirement based activity and nothing of statement-making comes into the picture.
In contrast I will tell you another story. A lady manager of a bank was required to go to inspect the veracity & genuineness of a client who had asked for a loan for a car. At first glance the address was from a lower middle class neighborhood and that too in an area not known for its nice ways. So she asked me to go along with her. There was really no way our car could go inside the colony. We left it out on the main road and went in. The streets were not more than 10 feet wide and cluttered up with shops spreading out all over the road. The client had asked to buy a Swift Maruti which had been launched recently and was quite the rage of the lot considering themselves as avant-garde. Here too, in this case, the buyers were relatively young people, quite evidently buying a swift more to make a statement than anything else as they were quite happy using a motorbike for ease of maneuvering in traffic. I could not contain myself and did ask where they were going to park the car. On the street outside they told me candidly. I kept my peace after that as it was really between the bank and them and of course the neighbors when they would find their way blocked by the wide-bodied swift.
Innocuous things like buying a tie, pen, lipstick or dress can reflect our deeper thoughts. Are we buying because we absolutely want to because the product appeals to us and complements our life-style and our comfort zone or there are other untold motives like making sure that others would notice how classy, super-selective we are? And often it may come to pass that nobody bothers at all and all the money spent and trouble taken comes to a disappointing nothing.
So when you take decisions just reflect also upon the reality factor; if you are doing something for making a statement or really and objectively it needs to be done. The yardsticks that we are judged by are small, very tiny actions and doings that give us away. When our actions become obvious statement-making ploys, we are only inviting derision and sometimes even trouble.
Missing the movement.
Traveling from point A to point B in your own vehicle can be quite an education in Delhi. We see other drivers behave in a manner which boggles the imagination. But I do not wish to simply repeat what had been said often by many writers and most drawing room conversations. I wish to put forth a point which I find hard to comprehend and illustrate. So in spite of the fact that I may sound a little dry and mathematical, I will make an attempt. First to make the point which is that even though we are in a moving traffic we calculate our position and movement vis-à-vis others and take decisions as if every other person was stationary, will remain so and is an idiot to boot? Let me now attempt to illustrate.
At the cross roads, the light is red. When it goes green, you see the guy on the right cutting in front of you to go towards the intersection on your left. Why did he come to the right at all? This is a mystery. We can only guess from the visual treats given by other drivers that the guy was in a hurry to overtake everybody even if it meant it would land him on the wrong side of the road. Then when the time comes to move he shoots off towards his destination – totally oblivious of the fact that others will move too. How do you explain that? And of course, the guy on your left wants to go to the extreme right. And he will cut right in front of you if he has to; you, after all you are most probably there to just watch the smart Alecs zipping about.
Now why did this guy land up on the left side of the road when he wanted to go to the right? We can only presume that he did so because that was the only gap available to him at the starting line and a good pole position can mean everything in winning a motoring race. Then we have to also consider that his vehicle is designed as a racing wheeler while all the others are on the road to just see him jetting off. He has calculated well that others are all stationary because they don’t know better and will remain that way. He is the only one with any sense to get on with things.
Just the other day a motorcyclist came from behind on my right, zipped in front of the car at right angles and stopped at my left to talk to another motorcyclist waiting for him there. It was a beautiful little movement, deftly executed. My heart went “bump” but my head wondered why all this real ability of perfect timing and control is being wasted on such a useless and risky maneuver. Every time I read about a two-wheeler being rammed by a bus or truck, I think of these hard cored bike enthusiasts who are constantly risking their lives just to slip in front of the next vehicle. I am sure it is not just a matter of being in a hurry; there is definitely a lot of pride behind all this. I am convinced that in getting ahead of others gives them a high; always forgetting that all this is for naught as they would all meet again at the next red light.
The same style of thinking and behaving can be seen in other walks of life. In our calculations we always forget that the world is in constant forward movement. We are just too warped up in ourselves. Yesterday at the petrol pump the lady ahead of me would not move her car even after the petrol had been pumped in. She had to first get back her change back and then make the milometer readings in her diary and all this she was doing comfortably as if there were no other motorists on the road. Requests to her by the pump attendants to move ahead a little so that the other cars can take their fill was not having any effect on her.
I find it hard to digest that anyone can be so blind and blinkered. Soon they will be outpaced and left to fend for themselves on the sidewalk while the rest of the world zips past. While these oldies were busy winning pointless skirmishes, the battle-front moved elsewhere and soon even the skirmishes vanish from their lives. There is nothing left but memories and a lot of moping to do.
But luckily we are small cogs in a very big machinery and somehow or other we manage along helped by friends, family and the momentum of our own lives. Like in driving, the saving grace is always the consideration shown by others, the restrictive paths which keep us bridled in and we get by or are pushed along.
Promote yourself.
I have observed that there are at least five distinct levels in human interactions; be it professional or personal. All these levels have very separate styles of behavior codes, language abilities, dress codes, philosophies and attitudes. Aspiring professionals who are aiming to rise and change levels or wish to interact with people of levels different from their own, need to understand these factors and change their disposition accordingly to be accepted otherwise they will miss opportunities and never be equal to the peer group. In today's environment where we are interacting with people from different cultures, this subject has taken on a very important facet. If you have not taken this factor into consideration for your plans of your advancement or even business operation, then you will face critical hurdles to reach your goals. To be brutally honest, you may miss out totally. The problem is that it is not easy to find guidelines as to how to go about this change. It also follows that nobody really wants to offend anyone by pointing out the irritants and very rarely do we have the acuity and precision in our observation to make note of things by ourselves. Then it is also a fact that we have our amour propre to live with. Very few individuals would be ready to accept that it is their own behavior patterns that are clashing with others and if they are failing to make the grade, it is perhaps their own fault. The situation begins like this: We are brought up in a particular group and we learn everything from this group with rarely any exposure outside this group.Later as a final product we have learnt only the habits of our own group and are highly knowledgeable and mobile with a certain amount of command within this well known structure of our group. The big question is how to know and learn about other groups and what is liked and disliked. You have only two possibilities. Either you are born and brought up within the group you aspire to be in or you get into this group as a junior and soon, as fast as you can, learn the patterns of the group. Luck can play a big part if by some quirk of fate you can get within your intended group even at the periphery, the job becomes considerably easier. Watching particular movies can help if you take them as audio-visual education. But all this would make sense only if you first wanted a change. Normally we are very comfortable in our skins and we try every trick we know to impress and we do it with absolute confidence; never realizing that we are only alienating ourselves from our goal in the process. Let me give some instances. One dead give away to our social status is our language and how we deliver our speech. Properly schooled people are trained very early to enunciate clearly, delivery their speech slowly, speak softly, let others finish their sentences, listen and enjoin in conversation only if necessary and other such fine points. In contrast, we have those who mumble, speak fast, loudly and use a dialect which is particular to their own set and see nothing wrong in cutting people off. This may be unacceptable to many. You would have certainly noticed how many of us tend to interrupt others; for instance you are talking to your manager and another executive comes and starts speaking to him as if you were not there. And often worse, the manager listens to him. This happens so often in shops and public places that I wonder what happened to the basic etiquette of allowing the other to have his say. A moment’s wait won’t be the end of the world. Now this behavior maybe normal in the everyday scheme of things, but at the senior level it will offend. Most often people expound with great panache supremely confident that they are making a mark with no second thought that their hold on the subject matter is not extremely solid and their language is not sufficiently polished to express the matter properly either. What can you do with these people? They make it so difficult to communicate with. Even if someone wanted to be paly with them or take them under the wing, it is difficult as they simply do not understand; the language barrier is so great and they often worsen the situation by becoming argumentative. I have often encountered the backlash: “Uncle-ji you do not understand!” There is very little to say after that and the relationship effectively ends there. Dressing is another feature which needs to be attended to. One has to understand the difference between leisure wear and official attire, public dress and homely attire etc. The tastes of people and their cultural bends are easily shown by their choice of colors and cuts. Most people would say today that they do not care and they have their lives and will live the way want to. This is fine by me. Only the point here we are making is that it cannot be so when you are entering a group on which your livelihood or networking depends. The solution to this enigma is that you find a sincere teacher who will point out the flaws in your mannerisms and explain to you the fine points of interaction meaningfully directed to you personally, preferably in private. Books and lectures may open your eyes but they rarely help you change your long ingrained habits. This needs persistent hammering and you will need will power and courage to stand up to it.
Saying thine part
Have you noticed how some people can speak their part only in outbursts of some kind? They would be otherwise nice, sane people going about their lives in a circular routine that they have built around themselves. Yet, under their calm exterior there is always some undercurrent of judgmental thoughts flowing quietly which, keeps them perpetually irritated about something or the other.
I have noticed this in myself when I am driving. The need to focus on whatever others are doing is so strong to avoid collisions because in Delhi one drives by the rule that if there is space one has to go in and fill it up or worse if you have a bigger car, your self-importance gives you the right to go ahead first. This creates a situation where you have to drive with one eye on the rear-view mirror and the other three eyes on the left, front and right. Of course there is also this continuous analysis that is humming inside the brain. And every now and then, the perceived stupidity of the other guy vents itself out in expletives.
So coming back to our original premise, we need to consider the why and why-nots of the situation. The question is why some people speak their part only in anger; and this is not just anger, it is also laced with a heavy dose of indignation. Indignation presupposes that the person has been wronged and has been made to suffer due to the unworthy actions of the other guy. This also presupposes that some sort of judgment has already been passed. So, I can safely say that the person speaking out in hot flashes is not being pragmatic, he has not bothered to listen to both sides of the story and feels so strongly that he has been wronged that there is no space for discussions in the situation. The situation is exacerbated by the person’s need to not only prove his point but also teach the other malefactor a lesson even if it has to be drilled into his head. This I suppose is what they call road rage when it happens on the highway.
How we tend to work ourselves into lather for very often nothing is beautifully illustrated by a story I read many years ago. It was titled “Want to borrow a jack?” A motorist had a puncture somewhere out of town and was appalled to discover that there was no jack in his car. Now at the unearthly hour of 4 in the early morning where would he find the assistance needed and that too in the middle of the country side. Let’s not forget that this story comes from a time when cell phones were not invented. So although his head was brimming with anger against all the people who could have done this to him, he was cool-headed enough to look around. In the distance he noticed a light and decided to walk towards it. Soon it became obvious that he was approaching a farmhouse. This got him thinking. “What if the farmer does not open the door? He must surely be sleeping and will be upset at being disturbed at this hour of the night. But my need leaves me with no option but to knock at his door so to hell with the farmer. The farmer can always say no and that will be that and people are so unhelpful anyway nowadays. Etc, etc, etc.” By the time he reached the farmer’s door he had already worked out his case against the disturbance he was going to cause. If only the poor city-slicker had any idea that farmers get up rather early and are generally the most helpful kind of people on earth as they are deeply in tune with nature’s vagaries. Anyway this motorist knocks on the farmer’s door and the farmer opens the door. But before anything could be said the motorist blurts out:” Now are you going to give me the jack or not?”
Why are we in such a hurry to prejudge? Why do we feel superior enough to be judgmental with so much righteousness? The other day I was back in my old school which is an Ashram where the morning hours are for meditation and no other activity is encouraged especially in the meditation area and near it. I was sitting there; it was six in the morning. Just then an old lady comes, sees the latest newspaper daily around nearby, left by another ashramite and asks me to tell her the cricket score. So I pick up the paper and open it. After all if the old lady is more interested in cricket scores and meditation is not her forte, who am I to judge? But before I could do my good karma, an old teacher of mine passes by and immediately scolds me for reading the paper in the meditation area! Boy, I was so amused. It was so much like my childhood when I was being scolded for something or the other, never heard nor given a chance to explain. I left immediately and went to the sea beach nearby to cleanse myself of the indignation that this teacher had injected in my atmosphere.
I can understand the young bursting out but one would expect much more from people who have seen a whole lifetime on this earth. When older people behave in this immature manner I do wonder if they have learnt anything at all; especially from people like senior executives, teachers and those in positions of authority. Our courts would not be so filled with cases and divorces would diminish in numbers. Everyday skirmishes would turn into studious discussions.
Why can’t people, even if they have been apparently wronged, keep their cool and state their case without anger? Are they incompetent and hiding their incompetence under the banner of outrageousness? I am reminded of this saying by Isaac Asimov –“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” And I will leave it here for you to judge!
Upgrade or perish
As a consultant to industry, I have had the pleasure to meet many leaders who reached an enviable market position but then instead of improving and building upon it, let the company slide into oblivion. They often hit upon a good product and their foray into the market is successful. On the basis of this they create a small empire of sorts. But then the pioneering spirit gradually fades. The company head becomes more interested in spending the money he is making rather than worry about the company; after all the managers are supposed to do that. Only one thing would be amiss here. The owner does appoint managers but keeps all the authority of decisions in his own hands. So for every mishap, he has a scapegoat at hand and he is quite happy with the situation.
It is quite akin to the old “zamindar” mindset. Lord of the realm; the money raking in without effort. The children being busy enjoying themselves; the very property that was feeding them going to the dogs due to mismanagement and vested interests of the managers who were creating small empires of their own at the expense of their Lord.
I have seen small and big companies close shop with a regularity that can only mean a faulty mindset. It is only when the company would start losing money that they would start thinking of taking action. Mostly I found that it was the second generation which was at fault. Their fathers started something and the enterprise flowered. The only mistake the parents made was to leave the education of their progeny to other agencies like schools and colleges. The time they should have given to train up the second generation to slip into their shoes, they simply could not afford. So it happens with a regularity that the second generation inherits an empire for which they were not adequately trained to handle.
Management by the second generation is limited to action taken for sure in jerks and uncertain steps. It is more in the spirit of experiment than knowing what to do. When the fabric is old, patching up and darning won’t do. Whatever the action taken, it always is a case of too little too late when the company was beginning to take its last gasps and by then it would be too late.
India is full of such brands and their promoting companies that were household names in the 50-70s but today have disappeared. I had the fortune to be connected with quite some of them. Every time I would speak to them of the necessity to upgrade and improve upon their product line or diversify or take advantage of their market position with new approaches, I would get a singularly similar response. At best they would agree to some cosmetic changes but no more. In at least five cases I even found them new products and all they had to do was launch them but none of the companies had the courage or vision to do so. Of course I was dealing with the CEOs; otherwise read “owner”.
In short this boiled down to their understanding of their product which was selling fine, their times which were glorious with all and sundry bowing to them and the fact they thought their position was unassailable and would simply continue on into eternity. They were making money and their product line was in demand and there was no competition in sight. They had arrived and the forward movement of the industrial world would now stop there while they raced on.
It all depends on the individual and most do precisely what they should not. The moment they feel that they have arrived, they become complacent. They see them-selves only in neon lights. They refuse to worry about such things as self-improvement and upgrades. It never occurs to them in their arrogant befuddled state that products, technology and markets change. And so do people. They can only see themselves moving forward and none to beat them. After all, time and time again have they not proven themselves as top-class and top of the class? It is so surprising to see this smug lot, not willing to acknowledge that a new crop of more-with the-times people are joining the world every year.
Luckily too, life is not very long. 3 score and ten years pass in a jiffy. The sad part is that we never realize this part of life and never learn to be grateful. We live with arrogance and die preoccupied with what will happen to our goods and chattel built over with so much pain and anxiety.
Balancing Work with Life.
It is ever the same story. To live one has to work. Work means self-imposed slavery to a point. It would be unusual if you never felt like chucking it all and running for the open spaces but the bank statement at the end of the month is a rude reminder of realities. It would be simplicistic but true that “work” sucks the very life out of you leaving nothing for enjoying life with the means that are now available to you. What a vicious circle; you work for a living and then life is the only thing that that becomes an impossible dream.
This unfortunately is life and what life is all about. Shall we work just enough to satisfy our basic needs and use the remainder of the time to make something of our lives or take on the needs of the parent organization in all sincerity and put in every ounce of our little bit? You are not alone in thinking on these lines. Every individual thinks about it and some plucky ones even achieve it.
The question that we shall pose to ourselves is how we can balance the needs of our own personal lives with that of the job. Let’s first see what is keeping us back. There is first the need to adhere to certain time schedules. Since as far in the past we can see, office meant a visit to a certain establishment within certain given time frames. This fossilized system seems to hold sway even today. If the organization you are working with is not given to progressive thinking, there is little you can do about it and the only option left to you is to either jump in wholeheartedly or opt out.
Additionally, the entire infrastructure around us also operates on this fossilized system because without regimentation and regularity in operation chaos would result. Yet the truth stares in our faces and we are not prepared to make that quantum jump. We cannot budge the bureaucratic behemoth but we can take some initiatives peculiar to our own style of working.
The answer, many say, lies in pursuing flexible timings. As it is we are always on call and in touch through our portable phones. So being or not being in one place is not important anymore. Now we can send mails, documents, pictures and even moving pictures to each other without being anchored anywhere. I wonder if this connectivity has not increased the work load rather than free one from the stranglehold of the work place. So much so, that many take even their work on vacation; here I would be generous enough to admit that this often becomes a necessary evil that one cannot escape from within the organization.
A human person cannot work at one’s peak for too long. Breaks are needed. Repose is a medical must. This give us the recovery time needed, that is if we are not living under the illusion that we are Supermen, blinded by our own thoughts of indispensability and quite often the attachment to the fat purse that we need to prove our own worth to ourselves by acquiring sporting cars, expensive gadgets and so to speak “Live it Up”.
As an employer you would do well to take heed of the situation if one is developing in your establishment. You absolutely must create a “family” atmosphere that takes the sting out of the pressures that your work load brings down upon your employees. As long as your job is being done, don’t stress too much on clock-punching. You would also do well to think of the loss you incur every time an employee decides to leave – think of all the effort you would have put in to make that particular employee worth his bit of salt.
As an employee, you have to make technology work for you. Be sincere in your job and focus on the job when at work. Whenever pressures become too much, discuss this with associates; as clearly, it is better to unwind than spend a holiday in medical care. This would mean let go a little but better than pushing your body into a corner. You are important and a very special cog in the bigger picture. You are needed but don’t take this concept to extremes. Remember that the graveyard is full of people who thought they were indispensable. |
