as some of you know, i'm a recent victim of domestic violence. i have gone through emotional abuse, sexual violence, physical assaults, harassment, stalking at the hands of the one i loved, and dealt with the cops and courts and him getting out of jail... my life has been thrown into chaos. my grades fell apart and i was put on academic probation and because of this (and because of the damage my ex did to my home) i'm broke as fuckin hell.this plus all the emotional trauma has made it hard for me to keep up with zines. this year, recovering or trying to, i've put out two issues of licking stars off ceilings... they are both really intense and personal and emotional and are part of how i'm surviving, part confession and the truth, part grief, anger, pain... they are my hearts and guts and the smashed up wall. i want to share them, put them out into the world, but i don't want to fall further into a financial hole. therefore, i'm charging more for these zines than i normally do. if you can't afford it, that's cool and we can work out a trade or whatever once i'm more financially stable and things are less fucked up emotionally and everything else. if you do have some extra cash, this would be an awesome way to support me. i know it's weird for people to ask for help these days, but the truth is i really need the money, i'm so broke and it's hard for me access my city the way i used to for fear of running into my ex, and i really want to put out these zines which are my guts and soul in a way that is healing and that pushes me forward rather than puts me further into a hole. if you've ever felt like doing something to support my art/activism and you have cash right now, then this would be the perfect time to show yr support. i don't want to feel weird saying that but i kind of do, but there it is. and again, if you can't afford it right now, that's totally cool. believe me i understand. <3 (and if you don't have paypal i accept cash too... just email me at lickingstarsoffceilings@hotmail.com for my address.)
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 licking stars off ceilings #20 this issue was really hard to write. i wrote it after my ex was arrested for what he did to me. it was the first time i confessed, for real, that my relationship was abusive. i write about the emotional abuse, being called a slut, the sadness and the hiding the truth from the people in my life. i write about the physical abuse, being afraid of losing my life, about the terror of living with intimate violence. i write about grief, losing him and still loving him. i write a little bit about dealing with the cops. and then there's stuff about coming alive again, about being allowed to feel things, about no longer having someone yelling slut at me all the time. i was rediscovering freedom and possibility. i also write about femme identity and the big bad word 'slut'. when i wrote this zine i thought i was coming along really well in my healing and that the worst was behind me. i had no idea what was coming. 38 pages. $6.00 |  licking stars off ceilings #21 this issue is about drinking and fucking and feeling and searching and nighttime and pain, pain, pain. it is about ghosts and dinosaurs, the pulse of poetry, quantum physics and possibility, everything i was or ever could be. it's me grieving, hoping, surviving. it's about all the fucking love inside of me for the man who did these unspeakable things to me. the confusion, the love, the pain. it's also about other lovers and other loves from times long, long gone. it's about really good sex with a long time lover of mine, sex when it is absolutely perfect and right. it's also about rape and being raped. the horrible disgustingness of that. and having this same body that has gone through that. it's about sexuality, finding sex on my own terms again, sex that i want and choose. it's about living in rape culture, being destroyed by it and realizing it doesn't destroy you. it's about spirituality, witchcraft, goddess worship and the bible. the Goddess Rising and new beginnings and taking all this pain and still surviving, even thriving. 38 pages. $6.00 |