Don’t Build Prayer into Your Life, Build Your Life Around Prayer

by Aaron Armstrong, bloggingtheologically.com 

Here Tony Anderson reminds us of who we are, and he's speaking as someone who's been there. Taken from theresurgence.com.

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When I ask men about their sexual behavior, most guys are surprisingly honest when anonymity is a factor. We’ve spoken about porn, oral sex, prostitution, lust, marriage, thoughts, immorality, intimacy, desires, homosexuality, masturbation, sexual abuse, incest, greed, and idolatry. I’ve eaten meals with pastors, executives, bankers, doctors, religious people, church planters, frat guys, students, entrepreneurs, traffickers, and average guys that work 40 hours a week and stay relatively pure.

THE MAJORITY OF US ARE SEXUALLY BROKEN

Most of us had absent fathers. 1 in 5 of us were sexually abused. Every one of us has learned the art of concealing sin. Around 80% of men in the church are currently using pornography. Some of us don’t need a girlfriend because we’re in full-fledged relationship with our hand or laptop. And some of us know the feeling of cold emptiness after leaving a strip club or a brothel. Some of you men know what it's like to go to sleep next to an empty shell of a woman that used to be your wife because your infatuation with photoshopped women has extinguished the intimacy. You’re no longer lovers, you’re roommates with children. Some of you are fathers that see your sexual sin manifested in your children, but you’re too fearful to expose it in your own life regardless of the damage its doing to your marriage and family. “What if coming out with this stuff makes things worse?” is the only question you’ve thought of.

I know where you’re at. I know what you’re thinking. And I know the lies you’re deceived by. I’ve been where some of you are.

YOU LOVE PORN...AND JESUS? 

A good friend of mine has battled sexual addiction all of his life. He’s a graduate of Bible college and is part of a healthy church. He’s got a lovingly invasive community and has had numerous Godly mentors pushing him towards Jesus for the last 7 years, but he still uses pornography every chance he gets—disabling the X3 watch on his phone and computer. If he’s alone for longer than 30 minutes with an internet connection, he begins searching for filth. He still habitually masturbates. He lies about his sin. He conceals his secrets. He manipulates Christian women into sinning with him, then he lies about that. He exemplifies the epitome of selfishness and a lack of self control.

But he also calls Jesus his Lord…Are you that guy? It’s sometimes confusing to me when men can be sexually enslaved while following Jesus, yet that’s what the overwhelming majority of them tend to be living. Can the two coexist? Are they diametrically opposed? Isn’t one the antithesis of the other?

STILL ENSLAVED 

I’m not going to quote your favorite authors or offer free accountability software. I don’t have a PDF to read or an invitation to a men’s conference. You’ve probably already tried those things. You’ve read books and made countless commitments, which you’ve broken. You’ve tried accountability. You’ve gone through a “freedom season.” You’ve confessed your sin. You’ve been rebuked. You’ve disconnected the internet. You’ve been kicked out of the house. You’ve destroyed the computer. You’ve memorized the Word of God. You’ve pleaded with Jesus to remove the thorn in your flesh. You’ve shouted, screamed, and wept. You’ve tried everything and you’re still shackled.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF IMAGE 

Just imagine for a moment that this is reality: You’re on a battlefield. It’s dark. Chaotic. Cold wind is whipping your face. The stench of death fills the air. Corpses of demons lie all around you and the field is soaked in blood. You can hear the sounds of armor and weapons colliding while sparks are flying. Screams pierce your ears.

You see chiseled, powerful beings radiating in white and they’re destroying shadows, gripping the throats of principalities and slitting them with iridescent blades. But you’re without armor. You wonder how you got to this place and why you came unprepared.

“

Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

”

Men that you recognize are rushing the opposite direction—spears aligned, ready to throw. Swords sharpened, shields fixed, helmets lowered they’re ready for battle. They’re calling for you to join them. They’re rushing for the the front lines—they’re unafraid. They know they’ve been given victory.

But not you. You’ve got your pants down around your ankles. You’re roaming in circles looking for the seductress that’s calling you by name. You can’t wait to fornicate on the battlefield.

And all the while, the kingdom is coming. The lost are being found. The sick are being healed. Demonic assignments are being cancelled. The veil is being lifted off of false religion and the persecuted church is exponentially growing in the face of opposition. Jesus is authoritatively mediating a covenant—the Spirit is interceding for the children of God, breathing life into dry bones.

You? You want an orgasm.

A REMINDER OF WHO YOU ARE

• You are God’s child 
  John 1:12
• You are a friend of Jesus  
  John 15:15
• You have been justified  
  Romans 5:1
• You’ve been united with the Lord and are one with him in Spirit  
  1 Corinthians 6:17
• You’ve been bought with a price…you belong to God 
  1 Corinthians 6:19-20
• You’re a member of Christ’s body 
  1 Corinthians 12:27
• You’ve been chosen by God and adopted as his child 
  Ephesians 1:3-8
• You’ve been redeemed and forgiven of all your sins 
  Colossians 1:13-14
• You are complete in Christ 
  Colossians 2:9-10
• You have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus
  Hebrews 4:14-16
• You are free from condemnation 
  Romans 8:1-2
• You cannot be separated from the love of God 
  Romans 8:28
• You are free from any condemning charges against you 
  Romans 8:31-34
• You’ve been established, anointed, and sealed 
  2 Corinthians 1:21-22
• You were washed…you were sanctified. You were justified in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God 
  1 Cor 6:11
• You are hidden with Christ in God 
  Colossians 3:1-4
• God started this work in you, and he will bring it to completion 
  Phil 1:6
• You are a citizen of heaven 
  Philippians 3:20
• You haven’t been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind 
  2 Timothy 1:7
• You are born of God, and the evil one cannot touch you 
  1 John 5:18
• You are a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of his life 
  John 15:5
• You have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit 
  John 15:16
• You are God’s temple 
  1 Corinthians 3:16
• You are a minister of reconciliation 
  2 Corinthians 5:17-21
• You are seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm 
  Ephesians 2:6
• You are God’s workmanship 
  Ephesians 2:10
• You can approach God with freedom and confidence – not because of your obedience, but because of Jesus’ obedience 
  Ephesians 3:12
• When you are faithless, he will remain faithful, because he cannot deny himself 
  2 Timothy 2:13

FIX YOUR EYES ON JESUS 

Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? (Hebrews 12:1-5).

You've been eating with the pigs long enough. Come home, son.

A recent survey suggested that one in two evangelical men and one in five

evangelical women are struggling with pornography. Other surveys bear out these

proportions. This means that when you look out on your congregation on a Sunday

morning, one in three people are struggling with pornography. What good news are

you offering them?

The chances are many of them think they’re the only ones who are struggling. They

may think they’re disqualified from Christian service by their sin, perhaps even from

the Christian family. They hide their guilt, terrified of being exposed. Yet at the same

time they may long to share their problem. What good news are you offering them?

Or maybe they’ve told someone and were met by barely masked repulsion. Or maybe

the person they told was sympathetic, but didn’t know how to bring hope to the

situation or how to offer accountability. What good news are you offering them?

Christians need to hear a positive Christian message on sexuality because they are

called to follow Christ in a sex-saturated culture. It’s not just the proliferation of

explicit images, but the slow drip feed of non-explicit material which nevertheless

assumes sex outside of marriage is not only a norm, but a moral good.

Unbelievers, too, need to hear the positive Christian message on sexuality. If they

don’t, then any call to repentance will lack content. Jesus repeatedly makes his call

to repentance specific. The rich young man whose heart is set on wealth is called to

give his money to the poor. The woman who seeks fulfillment in sexual intimacy is

offered living water.

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Paul warns us: “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather

expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret”

(Eph. 5:11-12, NIV). That means we need to avoid talking about sex in a way that

might titillate or provoke. But it doesn’t mean keeping silent. Our goal is to expose

sin as sin; to show that sexual sin is idolatrous (5:5).

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We need to talk not only about sex, but also about grace in the context of sex.

Sex is powerful. It binds two people together in a deep and profound way. The two

become one. Indeed it is not sex per se that binds us, but God binds us through sex

(Mark 10:9). It is a beautiful and precious thing.

But when this power for good is misused it becomes dangerously destructive. Sex

gone bad causes intense hurt and shame. Many people in your congregation will

have sinned sexually—many before conversion, some after conversion. Still others,

too, will have been sinned against.

This means that to talk about the wonder of sex within marriage will provoke

deep shame in the hearts of some people. So alongside your talk about sex needs

to go talk about grace. And not just grace in the abstract, but the grace of God

in the death of Christ. Christ dies in our place, bearing our guilt so that there is

now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). There is no

condemnation for porn users, adulterers, sexual fantasists who are in Christ Jesus.

This is not being soft on sin. Quite the opposite. It takes sin seriously, so seriously

that the only remedy is the death of the eternal Son of God. Look at the cross and

see what God thinks of your sin—the death of his own Son is the only act that can

atone for what you have done. But in the act is grace and love and forgiveness and

adoption.

Over the last few weeks we've talked a lot about relationships, marriage, singleness etc., and resources have been mentioned about porn, masturbation, 'sexual immorality' etc. But I haven't posted anything, so after seeing this article pop up, thought I'd post a few things. It should be said that this is a big issue, and one through which many people in the church have either been hurt by others or by themselves. If you are struggling here, please talk to someone who you trust in the church (accountability partner, church elder etc.) and don't try and fight it alone. It should also be acknowledged that these kinds of struggles don't only affect men in the church, but women also. The statistics for those who have been affected in the church are staggering. If you have not had problems yourself in these areas (praise God if that's the case), then I guarantee you know many people who have. 

At the bottom of each of these posts, I'll include the links to the others. 

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So in the first of a few posts, here is Russell Moore, from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary: 

Fake Love, Fake War: Why So Many Men Are Addicted to Internet Porn and Video Games

You know the guy I'm talking about. He spends hours into the night playing video games and surfing for pornography. He fears he's a loser. And he has no idea just how much of a loser he is. For some time now, studies have shown us that porn and gaming can become compulsive and addicting. What we too often don't recognize, though, is why.

In a new book, The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, psychologists Philip Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan say we may lose an entire generation of men to pornography and video gaming addictions. Their concern isn't about morality, but instead about the nature of these addictions in reshaping the patten of desires necessary for community.

If you're addicted to sugar or tequila or heroin you want more and more of that substance. But porn and video games both are built on novelty, on the quest for newer and different experiences. That's why you rarely find a man addicted to a single pornographic image. He's entrapped in an ever-expanding kaleidoscope.

There's a key difference between porn and gaming. Pornography can't be consumed in moderation because it is, by definition, immoral. A video game can be a harmless diversion along the lines of a low-stakes athletic competition. But the compulsive form of gaming shares a key element with porn: both are meant to simulate something, something for which men long.

Pornography promises orgasm without intimacy. Video warfare promises adrenaline without danger. The arousal that makes these so attractive is ultimately spiritual to the core.

Satan isn't a creator but a plagiarist. His power is parasitic, latching on to good impulses and directing them toward his own purpose. God intends a man to feel the wildness of sexuality in the self-giving union with his wife. And a man is meant to, when necessary, fight for his family, his people, for the weak and vulnerable who are being oppressed.

The drive to the ecstasy of just love and to the valor of just war are gospel matters. The sexual union pictures the cosmic mystery of the union of Christ and his church. The call to fight is grounded in a God who protects his people, a Shepherd Christ who grabs his sheep from the jaws of the wolves.

When these drives are directed toward the illusion of ever-expanding novelty, they kill joy. The search for a mate is good, but blessedness isn't in the parade of novelty before Adam. It is in finding the one who is fitted for him, and living with her in the mission of cultivating the next generation. When necessary, it is right to fight. But God's warfare isn't forever novel. It ends in a supper, and in a perpetual peace.

Moreover, these addictions foster the seemingly opposite vices of passivity and hyper-aggression. The porn addict becomes a lecherous loser, with one-flesh union supplanted by masturbatory isolation. The video game addict becomes a pugilistic coward, with other-protecting courage supplanted by aggression with no chance of losing one's life. In both cases, one seeks the sensation of being a real lover or a real fighter, but venting one's reproductive or adrenal glands over pixilated images, not flesh and blood for which one is responsible.

Zimbardo and Duncan are right, this is a generation mired in fake love and fake war, and that is dangerous. A man who learns to be a lover through porn will simultaneously love everyone and no one. A man obsessed with violent gaming can learn to fight everyone and no one.

The answer to both addictions is to fight arousal with arousal. Set forth the gospel vision of a Christ who loves his bride and who fights to save her. And then let's train our young men to follow Christ by learning to love a real woman, sometimes by fighting his own desires and the spirit beings who would eat him up. Let's teach our men to make love, and to make war . . . for real.

This post by Gloria Furman, wife of Dave, a pastor in Dubai, talks about what she admires in her husband, and how he shows Biblical masculinity at home. A challenge to all the men out there, including myself. Gloria blogs regularly at domestickingdom.com. 

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I live in a culture that admires a man’s earning power, and his fertility, and his ability to rule his domain with an iron fist.

While Scripture certainly calls for a Christ-like masculinity that provides for and protects his family, the Bible takes a wrecking ball to the culture-based ideals of masculinity that are celebrated around the world.

By God’s grace, I enjoy the fruits of living with a man who demonstrates biblical masculinity. This is the kind of masculinity that emerges from the gospel, points back to the gospel, and celebrates the gospel in my home.

Unashamed

The masculinity I appreciate as a wife is of far greater value than wealth-earning power. It’s a masculinity that is unashamed of the gospel which is the power of God (Romans 1:16).

The unashamed masculinity I enjoy in my home leaves a legacy that is more enduring than prolific fertility. It’s masculinity that fervently loves others from a heart that has been born again, born not of seed which is perishable, but imperishable. True masculinity is reborn through the living and abiding word of God.

The unashamed masculinity I love to follow in my home is far more impressive than macho pride. It’s masculinity that is willing to take the painful shrapnel in the battle against his own sin, rather than run from sin and hide in the comfort of silence. It is a masculinity that willingly exposes its life to the iron-sharpening-iron of open and honest male accountability relationships.

The unashamed masculinity that guards the hearts in my home puts away rash, cutting words that pierce like a sword. My husband’s Christ-honoring masculinity understands the power of words, and he uses words to bring healing to me and our children.

The unashamed masculinity I cherish in my home is such that fixes its eyes on Jesus and turns its eyes away from all the vain things of this world that hold a potent charm over other men. My husband’s Christ-honoring masculinity flees from promises whispered by a hiss.

The unashamed masculinity I need in my home is concerned that others find their delight in God. Nothing quite says, “I love you” to me than when my husband is willing to humbly stand up to the things I pursue that obstruct my everlasting joy in God. His loving masculinity reassures me of Christ’s atonement made on my behalf, and of the privilege I have to boldly approach the throne of grace.

Unashamed masculinity has less to do with how many horses a man owns, or how fast he can run. Unashamed masculinity is about what a man does with the gospel.

Where can you see this unashamed masculinity? You see it whenever a man has peered into the empty tomb and found new motivation to lay down his own life to spread the gospel into the souls of Casablanca, into the office spaces in Dallas, into the cafes in Geneva, into the shantytowns of Mumbai, into the barrios of Sao Paulo, and into the universities of Toronto.

My Unashamed Husband

My dear, godly, husband once explained to someone that he wasn’t able to shake hands because of the nerve disease in his arms. This person said, “That’s awful! Everyone can tella real man by the firm grip of his handshake.”

I just smiled to myself.

I’ve watched my husband find his strength in the joy of the Lord. He has a firm grip on grace. And I can tell testify that he is “a real man” by his unashamed passion for the gospel.

When he cares for our family, our church, and our city with the gospel, he grabs hold of the gates of hell and shakes them without fear and without shame.

That is the kind of gospel-centered masculinity that I thank God for, and it’s the masculinity that I want to celebrate.

I found this article on the Cordeo website, written by Peter Mead. Cordeo exists to multiply believers "after God's own heart," and they offer a variety of training programs and events for people in full-time ministry or thinking about going into it. 

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One of the most common questions I get asked goes something like this, “are you saying that I should only read my Bible when I feel like it?  What about the times when I don’t feel like reading it?”

The common thinking on this issue is that you should be self-controlled and disciplined, do the right thing and don’t worry about the feelings, they may follow.  I don’t agree.

This kind of advice reveals a stoic notion of how we operate internally.  First let me deconstruct a bit:

What is wrong with advice that seems to work, sometimes?

The advice seems to work sometimes, but it is only sometimes because in reality the stoic understanding of internal operations isn’t true.  So some people will respond to the reading with genuine and good feeling, but others won’t.  This is what to expect of response-creatures like us.

When people take the advice and genuinely apply it, I see real problems.  To dismiss the feelings altogether and just “do the right thing” typically leads to two destinations.  Either the person succeeds and then can fall into pride thinking their own determination is highly spiritual.  Or they discover that pursuing something spiritual in the power of the flesh isn’t a recipe for spiritual growth and they grow more frustrated at their own lack of will-power and discipline.

So what advice would I give?

I tell people to take the state of their heart seriously.  If there is no appetite for God’s Word, this is a real problem to be faced, not a temporary and irrelevant matter to be by-passed.  View this as a warning light flashing on the dashboard of your life and don’t pretend it isn’t there.

My approach when I sense there is an issue of appetite and desire is to follow advice Ron gave me years ago – be brutally honest with God about it and pray out loud.  Somehow I find I can’t get very far into a prayer where I’m telling God that His book isn’t very well written and everything else is more attractive and compelling to me…before I know it I find myself feeling convicted and broken before the cross.  As a close friend sometimes puts it, when there is sin you should feel bad!

Then in broken repentance I find I want to respond to God again and so open my Bible in order to hear from Him and respond to Him.

So am I saying only read the Bible when you feel like it?

No, I’m saying we need to read the Bible whether we feel like it or not.  However, the solution isn’t a gritting of the teeth, but a recognition that the lack of appetite and desire is a serious issue, an indicator of a spiritual problem.  Consequently it is better to take the state of my heart seriously, rather than dismissing and by-passing it.

I find that in my marriage there are times when I don’t feel a lot like spending time with my wife.  The solution?  Simple.  Buy flowers and a card, present with the words “I love you” and hey presto, all is well.  Uh, actually not.  She has this amazing ability to discern when I am going through the motions, but my heart is not in it.  The solution to a hard heart toward my wife is not personal discipline, but exposure to her character that I might respond to her beauty again.  Instead of ignoring the feelings, or lack thereof, it is much better for me to recognize that there is a problem and then humbly spend an evening together so that I can respond.  I do respond because she has a beauty that captures me.  The solution to lack of feelings is neither to ignore the feelings, nor to avoid the person.  The solution is not a self-oriented “effort,” but to take the feelings seriously and then look to the one to whom I am a responder.

Two people may look like they are doing the same thing.  Both are reading their Bibles.  But if we could look at the heart we would see a difference.  One is reading out of duty, a diligent determination to do the right thing, a disciplined approach that is supposed to result in a level of personal spirituality and holiness.  The other is reading out of desire to respond to the God who loves them and is drawing them to Himself.

One is reading with gritted teeth.  The other is reading with open heart.  There is a difference.