'Questions & Answers' especially for new players and generally
those who are not familiar with the school facilities.
If you have any questions, please ask. The club and/or the school
will do our very best to answer them.
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Q. The club's website is awful. Even the 'Home' link doesn't work.
Can you not fix it?
A. It IS AWFUL, isn't it?
The website was designed by a club member who is a student (surely
no more explanation is required?). Anyway, he has passed his 'website
design' module and he is quote "not going back there".
The website was designed using a wonderful piece of software called
'DreamWeaver' but for those of us who must maintain it, it has
turned out to be a 'NightmareWeaver'. If anyone wishes to design/re-design
our website, you are most welcome. 'Please Heeeeelp' if you can!
Update 15-11-2005: website moved to new URL plus 'Home' link fixed and the
website slightly modified!
Update 07-05-2009: club website moved to Google Sites!! So much easier!!!
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Q. Some weeks ago the sports hall was flooded! What's happening?
Can the school do something about this?
A. The school is aware of this phenomenon. Tests have been carried out that
indicate the liquid is in fact 'rain water'. Unfortunately the roof of the
sports hall was only designed to withstand a 'category FOUR drizzle'
on the Blatchington-Saffir-Simpson Scale. But on occasions when the
rain is unusually wet there will be flooding. Additionally, the drains
and the levees at the school were only designed to cope with a
'category THREE drizzle'. On the bright side, 'there are parts of the world
that are experiencing severe water shortage'.
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Q. Sometimes there are some strange sounds coming from the roof area.
What is this sound?
A. The school is aware of the strange sounds, smells, mists, and
ghostly sightings. They advise that ALL players and spectators eat at least
one large clove of garlic before training especially when full-moon.
Additionally, for anyone who is particularly concerned, the club has
negotiated a special deal with a local tattooist whereby you can have
a cross tattooed on your forehead at an attractive 50% discount.
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Q. For some weeks only two out of three lights in the sports hall work.
Can the school do something about this?
A. The school points out that 2 out of 3 is just over 66 percent and
considered an "excellent pass" in any subject.
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Q. If ALL the lights don't come on it will be too dark to play
floorball. Can the school do something about this?
A. The school understands that floorball requires many skills and is
an evolving sport and hope that given time we will be the first team
with players capable of using sonar to precisely locate the ball (rather
like dolphins).
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Q. Can I drive to the school?
A. Yes. However there are speed humps and unless you drive a tractor,
please do pick up your exhausts/spoilers etc on the way out.
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Q. Is there any drinking water?
A. mmm yes, well NO. There are decorative drinking fountains but no water.
Please bring your own bottle of water. Alternatively, on wet days, stand
under a drip from the ceiling in the sports hall where you'll be guaranteed
a steady supply of fresh rain water.
Update Aug 2006: decorative drinking fountains are gone as is the
psychological comfort that one day drinking water might once again flow
through the pipes.
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Q. Is there mobile phone coverage?
A. Sometimes, depending on your network. However the signal will become
significantly weaker as you approach the sports hall/school.
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Q. Are there any sign posts to the sports hall?
A. No. Look for the darkest entrance to the school.
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Q. Is the sports hall easy to find?
A. NO, not without sherpa.
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Q. Where are the doors to the sports hall?
A. Look for double doors to the left of what appears to be a sports hall.
Once inside ask for directions (beware of archers). IMPORTANT: if you see
an 'ENTRANCE' sign then you're in the wrong place.
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Q. What if I get lost?
A. On clear nights use star constellations or look for seagulls flying
towards the beach (south).
NB The school buildings will give false compass readings.
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Q. Is there good external lighting?
A. Yes, during summer when the days are much longer.
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Q. Does the sports hall have lights?
A. YES, especially on dry days when water from the leaky roof does not
drip on the electrics and trip the fuse.
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Q. Can I do vigorous exercise in the sports hall?
A. Absolutely NOT. The fans in the sports hall do NOT always work.
Perspiration will cause condensation on the cold metal roof causing
random drips that cause wet floor and may trip the light fuse.
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Q. Can I turn the lights off and on?
A. Absolutely NOT. Once the lights are turned off they will NOT come on
again. NO KIDDING. Please do NOT try it before the game is over and everyone
has left.
Update summer 2006: the light switches have now been removed and the
lights are now permanently on. A brutal solution you may possibly ponder, but
'route cause analysis' is not part of the school curriculum.
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Q. What if I shoot the ball and it hits the switch and turns the lights off?
A. Do NOT shoot at the switch.
Update summer 2006: As already mentioned, the switches have now been removed
and the only way you might turn the lights off is if your shot hits the switch
at local national grid's electricity sub-station, whereby you will basically
be turning off the electricity to all of Brighton and Hove.
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Q. Are there any toilets?
A. Certainly. However the strong industrial detergents that are used
produce toxic fumes and require protective clothing, gas mask and goggles
to be worn before entering the toilet area. PLEASE ask for protective
equipment before entering.
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Q. Are there any changing rooms?
A. We are all god's creation.
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Q. Are there any showers?
A. Absolutely. There is a big sand pit that is used in a similar way
to zebras in the Masai Mara.
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Q. Is it OK to enter the school if the doors are open?
A. NO. Sometimes the alarm is set and the doors are open! Only enter the
school if you see others inside or there are cars in the car park.
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Q. Is it safe to enter any rooms?
A. Absolutely NOT. At best you will set off alarms in different parts of the
building and at worst you'll become a moving target for a bored archer.
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Q. Is there a skating rink in Brighton/Hove?
A. YES. Wednesdays 8pm in the sports hall on rainy days. The leaky roof and
the non porous synthetic surface is ideal for skating using ANY footwear.
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Q. Does the Club recommend any warm-up exercises?
A. Warming-up is important and helps avoid injuries. Here's a simple warm-up
exercise anyone can do:
