A book on pragmatic thoughts on the bearing, rearing and educating of children
 Do we ever stop and think what a great Karmic responsibility it is to have a child and ensure that it is raised properly?
Life with Aruna, my daughter, has been one unending pleasure trip. I would like to share this with you all.
Through this book I also share my concern about children in general and the girl child in particular.
We need to become more aware that children should be brought into this world only if we are serious and ready to take on the responsibility of raising them properly, correctly and whole-heartedly.Once into parenthood, there is no wriggling out of it.
There is a definite need to spread the message that our tendency to see the female of the species as inferior is wrong, stupid and grossly unfair. The newspapers are reporting babies being found in shallow graves, abandoned or trashed everyday. And the ones that are alive, are second rate family members used as servants in their own homes serving their peers like their brothers. In this world of double standards, this same girl child becomes “desirable” as a wife and Mother by some and by most as an object of pleasure, commercially exploitable and traded like a commodity; never a person.
How did everyone miss the source of JOY and AFFECTION that she is?
I am looking for promotional support to spread the above message. The idea is to publish/print LOVE ME TENDER in India for distribution within India under a subsidized rate so that it can be made available to a greater number of people. The book is already available on Amazon.com and published in USA. But it is working out very expensive to pay for it in dollars and then pay for shipping and import duties + distribution costs within India. All this raises the price to a prohibitive Rs 1400 per copy or so. The author unfortunately does not have the financial back-up to launch a project of this nature. Please contribute. Every small amount helps. If you are in the media, please help us get the book some exposure. If you are a corporate, please back the project by advertising it. Contact email: mydaughtermyjoy@yahoo.com Contact person: PK Maheshwari We shall be only too glad to answer any questions you may have. Cheques would be accepted in favour of GUNAS and should be sent to S-164, LGF, Greater Kailash Part 1, New Delhi 110048.
From the author some excerpts:
The hurt and harm parents can do inadvertently or otherwise is needed to be recognized - even when they are concerned and try to do the best within the scope of their understanding. Very few humans, even the better ones, are able to rise above their preconceptions, habits and prejudices. Taking out their ire and often making their own children the focus of their desires is not an uncommon phenomenon.
People lead such selfish, introverted, limited and "me first" lives and it automatically extends onto the child.
The focus, I have seen is always on the parents. It is “Their” child as it was a piece of baggage on this journey of life. “They” know best what is good and bad for the child – how was this ever presumed? “They are doing their best – whatever that means!
I maintain that people should not be allowed to have children until 1) they have done at least a course in child psychology or/and Aptitude test. 2) Are financially comfortably endowed. and 3) Divorces not allowed when children exist.
It is unfortunate, that for everything like driving a car, we need a license, but when it comes to having children there are no rules or conditions. Every guy who can get married is automatically given the license to have children. Of course marriage is not a binding factor either. The number of children born for a moment’s romp and then abandoned is a mute testimony to the utter irresponsibility of humans and disregard for the hapless child.
The parents have to get out of their egos and not think of the child as "Their Possession". The child is not an extension or medium for the continuation of their dreams and wishes. I see all around me parents behaving as if they had done the child a favor by bringing him in this world and now it was the child’s duty to pay them back by making sure the parent got all he wanted from the child – no questions asked. Deplorable!
My focus here is on the girl child. She has always received a raw deal. Things have really come to a point where I feel voices need to be raised.
My focus here is on the girl child. She has always received a raw deal. Things have really come to a point where I feel voices need to be raised. This news item in the Times of India on Nov 18, 2007 speaks for all of us.
I am appalled at the insensivity shown towards the girl child In India and many other places in the world. In August 05 a daughter was born to me and my wife Manjula. My daughter has been a source of continuous joy and an unending source of affection to me. I have kept a detailed account of her growth in pics and added my comments on bearing and rearing of children as a father, psychologist and as a disciple of Sri Aurobindo and The Dalai Lama. This book is in essence the secrets of rearing that I have learnt from my daughter. This project has special significance for me. Many years ago I lost my younger brother on 31st Aug. Aruna was born on the 31st of Aug. The coincidence of the dates was astounding. So bringing up Aruna became my first priority. I took this as a special assignment given to me by my Creator.
Thank you. Pradeep Maheshwari More about me at: http://sites.google.com/site/pradeepmaheshwaris164gk1del/ Some more excerpts from the book:
My daughter at 16 months old was everywhere and into everything. This was a hot topic for debate. My reply then and now is the same. I think it is her natural curiosity and she should be allowed to explore. But everyone who sees me with her complains that I am not scolding her enough and that if she is not made to understand the correct ways, she will become uncontrollable and end up totally spoilt. My point of view is that she is too young to understand and that this can come later when I am in a position to explain the pros and cons of each action to her. Right now it is all play for her. More often than not she is aping me. How can I scold her when she has done no real wrong and surely no deliberate mischief? And why, even if I have something to say, why should I scold her? It will only kill her curiosity and stunt her persona.
Ali Pasha will now listen to your complaints
It is the parent's duty to learn as much about life as he can and then pass it on and apply it in life. Don’t bring up the child on "don’t do this and don’t do that" Help him explore himself and the world and be there for him when he needs an elder friend. Teach him the pros and cons of each situation and let him decide for better or worse. We need to teach them to think for themselves and NOT tell them what to think.
We just can't have enough of each other
Let’s not kill all incentive and stifle them before they get a chance to flower. The truth is that we stop and attempt to condition the child as it is or not convenient to us. The child is not here for our convenience. Period.
Note: there is no deliberate mischief in her. Just play and of course wanting to play at all the games she sees us playing. Her ability to ape is astounding. She is a keen observer and repeats every action she sees us do in one shot. Everyone wants to know why I am spoiling her. My question is am I? She needs to play and explore this world - right? And I am letting her do it. How else will she know what is OK and what is not?!!!!!
But I must say, having her in my arms or when she comes and envelops me in her arms or recompenses me with a kiss, the experience transposes me out of myself and my heart melts into chocolate syrup and blows up out of proportion like a Goodyear airship.
It is such a lovely feeling to be the chosen one. I have never been loved liked this. The smile and her tinkling laughter are worth it all. Not only hers, for that matter any child’s. Let us not become so staid that we lose all sense of the fun of life.
Aruna with no fear or stress of any kind in the form of scolding from her parents did things by aping us. She even started helping us by the time she was 15 months old by laying the table and then clearing the table. She is very organized and very orderly. She eats with us and at the appointed table. We did not have to teach her anything. She learnt it by trying it out and venturing out which we were just too happy to let her do. She was showing a level of intelligence and initiative that we as adults tend to ignore in children.
I wonder why these parents with no time for their kids ever have them. Seems they have children more out of tradition than love for a child. Or is it an accident that happened. I talked to many of them and they all replied that they were not really aware what child bearing would entail and one of them was candid enough to say that she was just raising them up as a responsibility thrust on her and did consider them a nuisance although with time she learnt to love them and be attached to them but as I could see it was more as an extension of herself. They knew fully well that all their capers would result in a child but never expected that it would be downright slavery to the little imp.
|
