Sorry Kids,

I let you down with our failure to rewrite Rockin' Barry O's last statement about the crazy mullahs in Iran. After a careful review I realized that the article was too long and well, just boring. I'm gonna let that one slide until I can figure a new angle on it. As a conciliation prize, Bludgeon & Skewer proudly present this adaptation of an article published today over at Politico. Brief, to the point and lots of MSM bootlicking. It took two of Politico's top reporters to compile 11 paragraphs of quotes from a Sunday news show to "write" the piece and they managed to find a less than flattering pic of ol' David to splash on the top. Here goes:

Washington  28 JUN 09

White House Lackey in Chief David "AstroTurf" Axlerod emerged from his secret closet in the Oval Office today to wow the fans on Meet the Press with insider info on Rockin' Barry O's take on the impending dismemberment of healthcare in the good old US of A. The Axe told the assembled MSM Talking Heads that the Prez would like to see a public option or a completely goverment run system or anything else as long as it included a trip to Disney World for him, Michele and the kids, but hey if the bill does not pass, no big deal, there's always cap and trade and what the hell, he's got the Triple Medical Coverage for life that all the Congress Critters have anyway.

According to the AxeMiester, "We've not gotten as far as we have by telling anybody the truth, Hell, we don't even know what the truth is.  I can tell you the President is terrified by bright lines in the sand and will not cross one. It's in the Koran, surra 21-3-2 "And there will come a day when Bright lines appear in the sand and the faithful will not cross them on pain of death" so you see, we're serious about the bright line thing" Token republican Mike Murphy nodded sagely and offerred the pithy statement "That's a huge concession!" This encouraged the other members of the panel to nod sagely as well.

Then the Axeman offered up his vision of the future of the healthcare " I think that congress will pass some kind of healthcare reform that offers a public option for those americans who are too broke or too lazy or too stupid to have healthcare already. Those are the people that put the President in office and he means to take care of them so they'll be alive to vote for him in the next election. Of course, since the whole crew is from Chicago, we'll be counting those votes after they die anyway. Once a registered democrat, always a registered democrat."

The panel proceeded to shuffle papers furiously as the last statement had not been on the approved script for the show, then moderator David "ModMan" Gregory chimed in and asked the AxeMiester "When it comes to a public plan, no ultimatums from the President?"  Axlerod 's brows began to furrow, his steely gaze shifting from members of the panel to his copy of the script as he furiously backtracked to the page he had just read and repeated all that stuff about the bright lines in the sand and smiled proudly. He then clarified his clarfication by offering some additional clarification, said the AxeMan, "The President believes in Public Choice, he's been very, very, very, very, very clear about that.....He's been clear about that when we're huddled up in my tiny secret office off the Oval Office, he's been clear about that in public and I've been very, very, very, very clear about that during this interview. The only reason we've been able to dodge and weave this long is the overwhelming majorities the Democrats hold in both houses and the fact that we are terrified of bright lines in the sand. The only time we'll get close to one is when we have to throw one of our constiuent groups under the bus, you know like the gay marriage crowd. But even then, we won't cross the bright line"

But the AxeMan's day was not done, after finishing up with the guys at Meet the Press, he went across the hall to ABC's "This Week" and jawboned with political hack turned news hack George "I used to work for the guy that Monica made famous" Stephanopoulos.  Instant focus group polling operatives advised the AxeMan to stay away from any further discussion of the "Bright Line" issue and to concentrate instead on the Senate side of the legislation as "This Week" had a substantialy different audience demographic than "Meet the Press". The AxeMan looked grim as he headed through the door, having to change the pitch line in mid stream is something only a truly skilled political hack can master and the AxeMiester is truly skilled.

He stared at poor Georgie and thundered "The Senate Bill will be Bi-Partisan by Definition! We have accepted 82 Republican amendments to it and they owe us 82 votes! And the Sudatenland must be returned to it's rightful owners!" George glanced off stage at the Axeman's handlers who were busy staring in shocked surprize at thier charge. Quickly recovering his composure, Stephanopoulis stated "Trading votes for amendments seems to be the new White House difinition of Bi-Partisanship" The Axemiester became more agitated and struggled to control his right arm and responded " We will no longer talk about political processes even thought the only reason I came here was to talk about political processes. Health care costs are growing so prodigiously that they'll kill this country before Social Security and Medicare can! That must not be allowed to happen! If the USA crashes and burns before 2012, who will vote for the President? We have to act before the trial lawyers pull thier support or Mr. Soros causes another run on the banks!" The AxeMan then stood up and strode out the studio, head held high, secure in the knowledge that he had done his job and inched Socialized Medicine further along.


Here's the link to the "real" story.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0609/24291.html


Check it out and do some rewrites yourself! More political activism and ridicule from you friendly nieghborhood Libertarian Community Organizer!