The Great Escape of Fred The Frog December 8, 2010 By Small Town Living LIFE WITH THREE TODDLERS AND ONE PRE-TEEN BOY AND AN INCH-LONG FROG IS NEVER DULL! FRED THE FROG’S WATER WAS LOOKING PRETTY CLOUDY .. (MIGHT HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE ENTIRE PACKAGE OF FROG FOOD THAT ISZABEL HAD DUMPED INTO HIS BOWL TWO DAYS EARLIER!) THAT FROG IS NARY AN INCH LONG .. AND GOING ON THREE YEARS OLD!!! I MEAN REALLY! DOES ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY PURCHASE THESE THINGS EXPECT THE DAMN THING TO LIVE LONGER THAN YOU DO!!! ISZABEL AND I DECIDED TODAY HE REALLY NEEDED HIS WATER CHANGED. SOOO .. WE WENT INTO THE BATHROOM AND SHE CRAWLED UP ON TOP OF THE TOILET SEAT TO HAVE A FRONT ROW VIEW! I STARED INTO THE BIG BLACK GAPING HOLE WHICH WAS THE DRAIN .. AND HAD A FLASHBACK OF THE TIME YEARS AGO WHEN I WORKED AT THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE IN D.C. AND MY OFFICE MATE GURLFREN WENT ON VACATION AND ASKED ME IF I WOULD ‘TAKE CARE OF HER GOLDFISH’ THAT SHE KEPT ON HER DESK. SUUUUUURRRRRE! NO PROBLEM! WELL .. DIDN’T I JUST CHANGE HIS WATER THE DAY BEFORE SHE GOT BACK .. AND AS I FILLED THE BASIN (YESSS!!! IT WAS PLUGGED UP!!!!) .. BUT I FAILED TO NOTICE THAT LITTLE OVERFLOW HOLE SLIT AT THE TOP OF THE SINK!!!. AND AS HE SWAM HAPPILY AROUND .. HE DECIDED TO TAKE ’THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED’ .. AND ‘SPLISH SPLASH’ … HE DISAPPEARED INTO THE ABYSS KNOWN AS THE D.C. SEWAGE SYSTEM! I IMMEDIATELY RAN OUT AND ‘REPLACED’ HIM! YESSS! SHE DIDN’T ‘RECOGNIZE’ HIM. I THOUGHT ALL GOLDFISH LOOKED ALIKE! .. .WELL .. YOU KNOW .. ‘GOLD’ AND ‘FISH’! AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIME I ‘BIRD-SAT’ FOR A FRIEND’S COCKATIEL .. YEP! SENT HIM RIGHT OFF TO BIRD-HEAVEN BEFORE SHE RETURNED TOO! WELL! THIS MORNING, I WAS DETERMINED ‘FRED’ WAS NOT GOING TO ‘DIE’ ON MY WATCH! .. I MEAN AFTER ALL .. HE’S NOT AN INCH LONG .. HOW HIGH CAN A FROG THAT SMALL JUMP?? I NOW KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT DUMB QUESTION .. AS HE LEAPED TO THE TOP OF THE BOWL .. ISZABEL SCREAMED … I CLOMPED THE LID DOWN ON HIS LEG WHICH WASN’T ANY WIDER THAN THE “I” IN THIS SENTENCE. BETWEEN TRYING TO KEEP ISZABEL FROM PERFORMING A TRIPLE AXIS NOSE-DIVE OFF THE TOP OF THE TOILET SEAT … AND TO PREVENT AN INSTANT AMPUTATION OF FRED’S LEG .. NOT TO MENTION THAT IT SCARED THE BEEJEZUZ OUT OF ME TOO TO SEE HIM HOP SKIP JUMP .. AND MOSTLY… LEAP … WHEN I LIFTED THE TOP OFF HIS LEG .. WITH THE ADDED BONUS THAT AT THIS VERY MOMENT .. ISZABEL, WITH HER OWN FULL CHORUS ORCHESTRA COMING OUT OF THAT TINY THROAT … TOOK HER “GRANDE JE-TE’ SWAN DIVE’ OFF THE POT .. AND I WAS ’SCREE-AFFING’ SO LOUD IT DID NOT SERVE ANY CALMING PURPOSE TO ANY OF THE THREE OF US (ISZABEL, FRED OR ME!!!) (SCREE-AFFING IS A COMBINATION OF ‘SCREAMING AND LAUGHING’ UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS AT SAME TIME WITH THE END RESULTS OF ONE WETTING THEIR UNDEROOS!) WELL .. FRED WAS FREE!!!! AND LEAPING ALL OVER THAT BATHROOM FLOOR. I THINK ISZABEL AND I BOTH INVENTED THE NEWEST RAGE IN DANCE. I’M HERE TO TELL YOU .. ‘BREAK-DANCING’ HAD NOTHING ON US!!!! MY MAIN CONCERN AT THE TIME WAS FOR NEITHER OF US TO SEND FRED TO HIS GRAVE BY ‘STOMPAGE’ .. BUT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT .. FOR HIM NOT TO LAND ON ONE OF US!!!! WHILE HOLDING ISZABEL TWO FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH ONE HAND .. I GRABBED THE ENTIRE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER WITH MY OTHER HAND … AND ‘GOD BE WITH FRED’ I COULD ONLY HOPE I DIDN’T SMOTHER HIM TO DEATH! NOT SURE HOW MANY LIVES A FROG ACTUALLY HAS .. BUT FRED WENT THROUGH THREE OR FOUR OF HIS PERSONAL ALLOTMENT THIS MORNING! BUT THE GOOD OR PERHAP BAD NEWS IS .. (DEPENDING ON YOUR VIEW POINT AND LOVE OR UN-LOVE OF TINY AMPHIBIOUS CREATURES ) … FRED LIVES .. AND ALL HIS BODY PARTS ARE STILL IN TACT .. BUT I’M SURE HE IS SCARRED EMOTIONALLY FOR HOWEVER LONG THE REST OF HIS LIFE MAY BE! P.S. FRED CAN LIVE IN HOG SWILL FOREVER IF IT’S UP TO ME TO CHANGE HIS BOWL AGAIN! ( Frannie Meshorer: Frannie spends part of her time in Kentucky at Freedom Valley Farm where she and her husband enjoy the quiet life, and part of her time in Ohio where she finds herself experiencing a very busy life that is far from quiet with her adorable grandchildren and …yes, Fred the Frog.)

This is also not hi-tech. It’s a foldable rack inside the toilet cubicle. Kinda nice, I think. I also saw a toilet cubicle equipped with a seat for toddlers. This enables daddies to put their toddlers inside the seat while conducting their business with nature. This was also taken in Tokyo Disneyland.