1st of April.

My reflections for the theological commission on marriage and no sex before marriage.

Marriage – A theological reflection.

 

I have been thinking about this every spare moment, in a very busy time of year. I apologies for the delay in my reply.

 

I reflect on marriage, as an observer, not being married, and I don’t see marriage as a real option in the near foreseeable future. However I do believe in Christian Marriage. I happen to have the largest number of marriages in my parish this year, so I have had and continue to have the privilege journeying with couples as they prepare for their marriage. I hold marriage as a sacrament of the Church as an outward and visible sign of the inward and spiritual grace of God. I see that marriage is, as our liturgies remind us, a gift of God our creator, and a symbol of God’s unending love for his people, and of the union between Christ and his Church. I have a highly theological understanding of marriage, and so I should. I see it as my responsibility before God to prepare people for Christian Marriage.

 

Pastorally and within my own family, I have seen the painful breakups of marriages, the abuse that marriage can mask, as well as the great gift of companionship and love in marriage. Marriage as a rite is in my mind symbiotic with the dynamics and lived reality of a particular kind of relationship. One lives into the call and ministry of marriage like one lives into our call of ordination, of baptism, and of faith.

 

I don’t construct marriage as a non negotiable, pre fall state ordained by God, that all humans have to obtain to please God. I don’t believe even the scriptures communicate that. We have many un-married people in the scriptures that God seems to be well pleased with, including Jesus Christ and Paul. However, I believe that marriage is sacred because it reflects something of God’s desire and pleasure for us, as reflected in God’s very triune self, faithful, enduring, self giving, and eternally love.

 

I see marriage as a gift of God, which is to be honored by all. I believe that in the main we are created to be pro-creative (there are and always have been exceptions to this) and the union of marriage frames a particular kind of relationship that is faithful in focus, sexually, emotionally, physically and spiritually for, among other things for pro-creation to occur.

 

Yet Marriage in and of itself is communal in focus, and reflects something of our communal and loving nature of God. Marriage serves not only two people vowing faithful commitment for the mutual gratification and benefit of that couple, but marriage also serves the idea of family, for generations present and for generations to come. The idea of family grows with the inclusion of marriage. The idea of family from the scriptures, and from my own experience, often includes non biological elements as well, like in-laws, as well as adopted kids, (Check out the ancestry of Jesus for example of family that includes prostitutes and non Jewish people as part of God’s story). Families belong together. The Gospel is about restoring our belonging to God and God’s family.

 

Theologically Marriage is framed in such a family/communal context, within a community. Family and friends make vows in our liturgies of marriage along with the couple. As I understand it, marriage is part of family, although one can be part of family without being married. In the same way marriage is part of how God calls us to be family, but we can still be family regardless of our marital state. Grafted into the vine of the family of God.

 

Perplexing questions…

 

Was Mary mother of Jesus married to God and Joseph is sex and consummation is the exclusive marker of marriage?

 

Hosea the prophet and the Prostitute wife, is a marriage called by God to communicate something unique, of God’s heart? How do we respond to this marriage?

 

How much of our understanding of marriage is cultural and how much of it is divinely inspired?

 

Why is marriage so defined by sex, what you do when, and less defined by our life in God?

after this I posted this with a link to rowan williams the bodies grace...


your question about abstinence outside of marriage, and sex only
in marriage? I should address this...
if we approve the original then statement then I will just have to
admit that i am married to my bed, with the amount of wet dreams i
have had. I refuse to see my bed as a place i am married to, i buy a
new one every few years, which means i am married to a number of beds
out there.... how on earth does one abstain when one is build that
way, sorry if this offends those amongst us, but i believe in self
control, and there are appropriate and Godly ways of controlling ones
sexuality, self control is a fruit of the Spirit.  My issue is not
with marriage, I uphold the christian ideals of marriage, but managing
ones sexuality outside of marriage is not even dealt with, it is
excluding many by something that becomes a hurdle to ministry. while
we like to keep sex a private matter, this very professional standard
makes it a public issue for all who share in the  ministry of the
Church.  We wonder why our churches are lacking in Gen X and Y. From
my experience and that of my peers, from a young age our SRE teaches
taught us no sex before marriage, and now we have generations of
people that believe that is what Christianity is about, and want
nothing to do with it (all be it many are in faithful committed
relationships). It seems  that my christian family and friends have
more trouble in maintaining marriages. I maybe wrong, but i don't see
why this issue is such a big issue, in light of a good theology of
marriage and sex out there. There is heaps of theologians who have
studied into this area, and we seem to be still back at the "no sex
before marriage". It is more complex than that.frustrations and
confessions of a gen X priest.
Ben





24th March 2009

Well it is five to midnight, and i have had another full day, tomorrow is even busier. Scott was fired from work, which presents financial issues with the mortgage and property partnership. Our Lenten study went well, I spend considerable time with a number of people in pastoral care. and I am ready for sleep.  Good night.