#96 485.3415 s A / mol:  

Mascara that is touted as 'all day wear' would be more accurately described as 'good luck getting it off.'

#1.166 37 x 10-5 GeV-2: 

Driving on the lake is fun, until you get stuck in the snow.

 

#4.669201:

You know the irony gods are bored when you get pneumonia before you have surgery.

 

#2.817 940 92(38) x 10-15 m:

If you send an anit-nausea kit (read: drug paraphernalia) to a friend with cancer, she will open the package in front of her mother.

 

#3.846 x 1026 W:

Fresh corn on the cob does not stay fresh indefinitely.

 

#0.118:

When you find the girl of your dreams, she will wake you up and ask you to leave.

 

#299792458 m/s:

The GPS is a handy device that will confirm you are lost, misplaced or not where you intended; without the bother of having to pull over and look at a map.

 

#9.80665 m/s/s:

If a roll of toilet paper falls into the washing machine, you will not realize it until after it has been washed with your black t-shirts.

 

#1.4959787066 x 1011m:

Pride is like a county fair, but with a good parade.

 

#1.61803:

A skillet handle that doesn't get hot when used on the stove, will get incredibly hot after a few hours in a 350 degree oven.

 

#2.71828182845904523536028747135266249775724709369995: 

Sometimes it is actually much worse than it seems.

 

#3.141592:

Did you really expect something profound when you started reading this?

 

#6.0221367 x 1023 mol-1:

If the only thing you like about your new job is the cool house you found to live in; you will have to move.