I saw a commercial on television from NYSE Euronext in which an announcer says:

At the end of the ad there is text that reads nyse.com/exccelerate.

The first time I saw this ad (and another like it), I wondered idly "What are they trying to sell me?" and then forgot about it. I saw it again while watching The Daily Show with my wife, and asked her what she thought they were selling. "Lifestyle?" she mused.

I saw the ad again and decided to search to see what it was they were trying to do. Maybe it was intentionally vague, designed to drive people like me crazy, compelling us to search for their product or service, find out more about it, and ultimately pay them for it.

I Googled "nyse excelerate." The first few results had nothing close to what the ad said (or did they?). This confused me, as I though surely a major corporation's nationally advertised product or service would have at least a few hits on Google. Is this some scheme designed to get me to expend a lot of effort so that I feel obligated to buy something in order to avoid cognitive dissonance?

A few days later I saw the ad again, and noticed my mistake. It's "exccelerate," and not "excelerate." There are two C's. It's not just a stupid mashup of "excel" and "accelerate;" it's a really stupid mashup of "excel" and "accelerate."

This time I typed the URL given in the commercial into my web browser, sure in the knowledge that this time I would learn what the hell it is that justified however much money it costs to run ads during new episodes of the Daily Show.

[Update: A few weeks after I posted this, NYSE seems to have fixed the website.]

If you clicked the link in the second paragraph, you already know what happened... it didn't work! The page doesn't load! Firefox says The connection has timed out. "WTF?!" I exclaimed, stirring the dog from its sleep.

The URL gives a clue - entering in the text from the commercial leads you to http://www.nyse.com:42100/exccelerate/, which isn't a web server (I checked using both my computer and my phone just in case I had faulty DNS interfering)!

Finally, I Googled "nyse exccelerate." This time I found what I'd been seeking. The first link is to www.nyse.com/exccelerate/. Aha! You need the www in the address, the ads' text notwithstanding.

Finally at the Exccelerate website, I look for an explanation of what it would mean for me if I wanted to excel-- exccelerate my company (like newly non-bankrupt GM!). The site says:

OK, so basically they want me to list my public company on their stock exchange. Evidently this can get me some serious exposure (Solarwinds got "Online banner advertising on leading tech websites"!), plus they'll have a party where some guy might ride a horse indoors.

I could go on, but I'll just wrap up here with a brief recap:

• There is a series of vague ads running during The Daily Show, which are apparently supposed to convince me to take my company public and list it on the New York Stock Exchange.
• I thought about Googling "how many Daily Show viewers have potential IPO's," but decided against it.
• Not only did they make up a stupid word that combines "excel" and "accelerate," they made up a nearly-impossible-to-type stupid word that combines "excel" and "accelerate." Really, try to type it with both C's.
  
• If you search for "nyse excelerate" on Google, you get no relevant search results. If you get it right with "nyse exccelerate" on Bing, you get auto-corrected back to "nyse excelerate."
• If you type in the exact text in the ad into your URL bar, you don't get the flipping website! Why port 42100?
  
• If you finally get to the right website, you're presented with lies ("light-speed technology") and the assertion that NYSE can provide "Superior marketing and co-branding opportunities across multiple media channels" (i.e. what has been described herein).
  

NYSE Euronext, please contact me if you would like me to improvennate your website and exemplenable your marketing efforts.