Proof that Barack is the Obamessiah

Obama preached to the multitude by the side of the lake.

Obama created new states from out of the void.

Obama turned whine into Kool-Aid® for his followers.

Obama came to us carried upon a donkey.

Obama triumphed over the beast, the enemy of all men.

Obama was stoned and yet he has risen.

Obama's flock has millions of sheep.

Obama will reign over us from a house with many rooms.

You must have no other candidates before Obama.

Obama will raise voters from the dead. Count on it.

Pastor Wright and a Barack Obama arrived in Heaven at the same time. Saint Peter checked them both in and assigned them their rooms. "Pastor Wright, here is the key to one of our standard efficiency units. But for you, Mr. Obama, here's the  key to the finest penthouse suite in Heaven." "Why don't I get a penthouse too? I'm a minister!" Pastor Wright complained. "Think about it," Saint Peter replied, "There are plenty of ministers up here, but Obama is the first lawyer or politician we've ever seen."

Q. What do Obama Messiah followers drink?

A. Kool-Aid, of course.

Q. Why doesn't the Church of Obama Messiah light candles?

A. Obama wants to keep his followers in the dark.

Q. Why does Obama Messiah wear his hair so short?

A. So it won’t get tangled in his turban.

Q. Why will Obama Messiah remove the windows in the White House?

A. He'll replace them all with stained glass.

Q. Why didn’t Obama Messiah notice all of the terrible things Pastor Wright was saying?

A. He was too busy polishing his Halo.

Q. Why did Obama Messiah say that Americans are “bitter” and they “cling” to religion?

A.  The Devil made him do it.

Hillary wants socialism to go from the cradle to the grave. Obama Messiah wants it to go from conception through the resurrection.

Q. Why haven't Obama's followers demanded that his face be added to Mount Rushmore yet?

A. They're still trying to figure out how to carve a stone halo.

Q. What does the Obama Messiah say when someone sneezes?

A. I bless you.

‘Twas the night before Christmas in the White House

Not a creature was stirring, not even the louse

The stockings where hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that more money soon would be there

Obama was nestled all snug in his bed

While visions of unemployed danced in his head

Michelle in her 'kerchief, and Barack in Mao cap

Had just settled down for their long winter nap

When on the front lawn there arose such a clatter

Barack crawled from his bed to see what's the matter

Away to the window he made a quick dash

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash

When what to his watery eyes should appear

But an old clunker sleigh and eight sickly reindeer

Santa said not a word, but continued his works

Stacking up earmarks and lobbyists’ perks

Santa looked straight at Obama and finally spoke

Thanks to you, Mr. President, now I'm flat broke

It took my life savings to pay my tax bill

And what I have left is just next to nil

I can't even afford to light up Rudolph’s red nose

With a flip of one finger up the chimney Santa rose

Then Santa exclaimed as he flew through the rain

Oh, how I wish our President's name was McCain

Obama isn't getting Hillary Clinton a present this year because she hasn't used the one he got her last Christmas. It was a cemetery plot.

Mail your packages early so that Obama's post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Tip o'the hat to Johnny Carson

This Christmas is expected to be one of the coldest on record. If it's cold enough, Obama might even keep his hands in his own pockets.

Q. What will Barack Obama get for Christmas?

A. Your job, your car and your house.

Q. Why did the Supreme Court block having a Nativity Scene displayed at the White House this year?

A. Plenty of donkeys, but no wise men.

If Obama promises to be good next year, maybe Santa will give him a clue for Christmas.