Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He's deciding which of his names (Barack Barry Hussein Obama Soetoro) to put on it.
Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. The ink isn't dry yet.
Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. Hillary Clinton won't give it back to him.
Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He wants to surprise us at his swearing in.
Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He accidently smoked it.
Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.
Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It got shredded with his Rezko mortgage records.
Racist Jokes about Obama
1. If you have ever chuckled at his middle name, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
2. If you ever ridiculed the assertion that tire gauges lower gas prices, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
3. If you ever laughed at the claim that he campaigned in 57 states, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
4. If you ever suggested that the "Vero Possemus" campaign signs had something to do with possums, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
5. If you ever downloaded the video of him bowling a 37 in front of reporters, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
6. If you ever shared the video comparing him to Paris Hilton, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
7. If you ever cracked wise about his cocaine use, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Dubya's alleged cocaine use is politically correct.)
8. If you ever made fun of his big ears, you may be guilty of Obama jokes. (Joking about Perot's big ears is politically correct.)
9. If you ever said that the look on his wife's face could curdle fresh milk, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Cindy McCain's face is politically correct.)
10. If you ever noted that his pastor acted like he was on Def Comedy Jam, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
Golden Oldie Obama Jokes
Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Q. Why is Barack Obama jealous of Hillary Clinton?
A. She the one with the cojones.
Q Why is Oprah supporting Obama?
A She has a history of supporting frauds.
Q. What made Barack help a Chicago slumlord to victimize the poor?
A. The check.
Q. Why does Barack want higher taxes?
A. Cause he won’t be the one paying them.
Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.
Giving money and power to Barack Obama is like giving liquor and car keys to a teenage boy. (Tip o’ the hat to P. J. O’Rourke)
Q: Why are there so few real Barack Obama jokes?
A: Most of them are true stories.
Q. What's the difference between Pinocchio and Barack Obama?
A. Obama's nose doesn't grow when he lies.
Q. Candidate Obama has been telling us, “Yes We Can.” What will President Obama tell us?
A. “Yes You Will.”
Q. Why does Barack Obama support our servicemen?
A. He doesn’t.
Q. Why did Barack Obama decide to be a lawyer?
A. He didn’t want to have to work for a living.
Q: What is a lawyer gone bad called?
A: Senator Obama.
Q. What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A. Deductible.
Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.
Q. Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A. It stands between him and the First.
Q. Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.
Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat cake.”
Barack Obama says, “Let them eat arugala.”
Robin Hood took from the rich and gave to the poor.
Barack Obama takes from the middle class and sticks it to the poor.
Obama Is So Pretty
Obama is so pretty that the new symbol of the Democrat Party will be a unicorn
Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him
Obama is so pretty that the White House Rose Garden will need to triple in size
Obama is so pretty that his anti-matter version is James Carville
Obama is so pretty that his supporters think that he's smart
Obama is so pretty that he wouldn't ride in Ted Kennedy's car
Obama is so pretty that he would be a 10 if his Daddy owned a liquor store
Obama is so pretty that he would even look good in a Hillary pantsuit
Obama is so pretty that when he goes to Iraq he has to wear a Burka
Obama is so pretty that he gives John Edwards makeup tips
Obama is so pretty that his mirror on the wall was struck speechless
Obama is so pretty that he can wear white after labor day
Obama is so pretty that Michelle carried him over the threshhold
Obama is so pretty that the Navy won't name a submarine after him
Obama is so pretty that he knows Victoria's Secret
Obama is so pretty that he never has that "not so fresh" feeling
Obama is so pretty that he never farts
Obama is so pretty that he won't give Hillary Clinton his phone number
Evan Bayh Obama Jokes
Why should Obama have choosen Evan Bayh for VP?
The name Birch Evans Bayh III makes Barack Hussein Obama sound almost normal.
Bayh is married to a former Miss Southern California beauty queen. Obama is married to a woman who wants to be queen.
Bayh doesn't use drugs so Barack's stash will be safe.
Bayh was born with a tiny silver spoon in his mouth. Obama had a tiny silver spoon on his neckchain.
They both have secret pasts. Obama's past is secret because he shredded the records. Bayh's is secret because nobody cares.
Biden Obama Jokes
Q. What ever happened to Joe Biden's old wig?
A. It was chased away by a dog.
Q. Why did Joe Biden get a hair transplant?
A. To hide the mark of the beast.
Q. What's the difference between Obama bin Biden and Osama bin Laden?
A. With Obama bin Biden you get two for the price of one.
McCain versus Obama Jokes
If John McCain is elected President of the United States then the French will immediately surrender to us. If Barack Obama is elected President then the French will immediately invade us.
Here an interesting fact: If you add John McCain's age and Barack Obama's age together you'll get the number of times Obama usually says "uh" when answering a question.
The age disparity between the two candidates in the upcoming election is significant. John McCain is 71 years old. By contrast, Barack Obama is 322 years old in dog years.
Q. Why did John McCain cross the road?
A. There was an Old Town Buffet on the other side.
Q, Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
A. To help the other side.
After Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in 57 states, John McCain should have sent him the name of a good Alzheimer’s specialist.
John McCain rolled up his sleeves and went offshore in the Gulf of Mexico looking for oil for American drivers. Barack Obama responded by going to the shores of Hawaii, taking off his shirt and oiling up his torso for American soccer moms.
Barack Obama's camp claims that John McCain was cheating in their first forum appearance because he actually gave straight answers to the questions. Politicians aren't supposed to do that.
Any candidate that John McCain picks to be his vice president will necessarily be a younger candidate than he is. Any candidate Barack Obama picks to be his vice president will necessarily be better candidate than he is.
It's a hard election for conservatives this year. They'll have to hold their noses tight in order to cast a vote for John McCain. But they'll have to hold on even tighter to their wallets if Obama gets elected.
The sad fact is that if John McCain is elected President he might not last another four more years. A sadder fact is that if Barack Obama is elected President then America might not last another four more years.
