Welcome to the only REAL Barack Obama Jokes Website Don't be afraid to laugh at politically incorrect Obama jokes! Most of the Obama jokes on the Web are as mild as the softball questions that Obama gets from the smitten reporters and reporterettes of the press.Not here! *** Strange Lincoln - Obama Coincidences  1) Lincoln was elected in 1860, Obama was elected in 2008, nearly 150 years later. 2) Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminated private sector jobs. 3) Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy. 4) Each man's wife gained over forty pounds while living at the White House. 5) Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama hid his head up his behind. 6) Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater. Obama shot up while riding in a Lincoln made by Ford. 7) Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators. 8) Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly had an IQ of 67. 9) Lincoln was born in KENtucky, Obama was born in KENya - before both moved to Illinois. 10) LincOln and Obama each had a single letter "O" in their last name. 11) Andrew Johnson had no middle name. Joseph Robinette Biden had a silly one. 12) JOHN W. BOOTH and BILL C. AYERS each has 10 letters. 13) A Kennedy told Lincoln to take care of his health. Ted Kennedy told Obama to pass health care. 14) Lincoln and Obama were both more feminine than Hillary Clinton. 15) Lincoln was placed on the penny. Obama was not quite worth a penny. 16) Lincoln was not a Muslim. Obama was not an admitted Muslim. 17) Neither Lincoln nor Obama ever wrote a book. 18) Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression. Tip o'the hat to Gritty-Kitty 19) Lincoln and Obama were both the first President with a beard. Tip o'the hat to Joe 6-pack 20) Abraham Lincoln had no middle name. You're not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name. Tip o'the hat to Nathan *** Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. You took my favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen. Tip o'the hat to Denise *** If John McCain was a Maverick, then Barack Obama is a GMC* Pacer. (*Government Motor Company) Tip o'the hat to Mr. Myke *** Obama has ordered that the term "Islamic Radicalism" be removed from national security documents. It's being replaced with "Allahu Akbar!" Tip o'the hat to Carlton *** Military expert Barack Obama thinks that an Offensive Nuke is a dirty microwave oven. Tip o'the hat to Edd *** Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought 'em. Tip o'the hat to Vickie *** The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance. Tip o'the hat to Rosie *** Obama is looking forward to retirement, so that he'll finally have the time to actually read his new healthcare law. Tip o'the hat to Boots *** Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help. Tip o'the hat to Wanda *** Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare instead of ObamaCares? A. Because he doesn't. Tip o'the hat to Frank *** Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare when he is exempt from it? A. Shaddup. Tip o'the hat to Ron *** ObamaCare will provide taxpayers with plenty of bitter pills. Tip o'the hat to Nancy *** Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let's hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion. Tip o'the hat to Dave *** Q. If the Obama administration was a football division, what would the teams be called? A. The Stealers, the Bills, the Chargers and the Lyings. Tip o'the hat to Talbott *** President Obama has responded to our national debt spiralling out of control by calling for the creation of a Deficit Commission to find solutions to the problem. Coulter suggests The Deficit Commission's first recommendation should be "resign immediately Mr. President." Tip o'the hat to Ann Coulter ***
President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though." *** Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day? ***
Did you know that for security reasons Obama has an identical body double? The only way you can tell the difference between the two is that the real Obama's head doesn't cast a shadow.
Tip o'the hat to Rashid *** The Obama economy is so bad that at the next White House beer summit they'll be serving Natural Light. Tip o'the hat to Eleasha ***
Barack Obama, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence..
Then Obama said into the microphone, "Children, uh, every time I, uh, clap my hands together, a, uh, child in America dies from, uh, gun violence."
Little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said, '' Well, dummy, stop clapping!"
Tip o'the hat to Jimmy
(Believe it or not, variations of this Obama joke have actually been analyzed by Snopes.com in one of its "urban legend" postings. How weird is that? See http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bono.asp)
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Obama is proud of his Cash for Clunkers program. It basically let you sell your car to the government for gas money. Now there is talk in Congress about bringing it back as an add on to their univeral healthcare plan and expanding it. With that in mind, let's take a look at how the Obama Clunker program might work on its next go round.
Signs of an Obama Clunker
• You have to reset the car clock after you use the cigarette lighter.
Your clunker is so old that it isn't dented -- it's wrinkled!
Clunker Sticker: No Radio in Car - Stolen Already
Q. Speaking of cash for clunkers, what do Obama's policies and clunkers have in common?
A. They both backfire.
Barack Obama was trying to sell his clunker that had already been driven 310,000 miles, but he was having a mighty hard time with it. Joe Biden offered to help him out and turned the car odometer back to just 10,000 miles. Biden asked the President a few days later whether he had been able to sell the clunker. "Why would I want to sell it?" asked Obama. "There's only 10,000 miles on it."
"If someone was trying to sell a car the way they're trying to sell this bill [the Obama healthcare insurance bill] they would be violating the Lemon Law." --Congressman Dan Lungren
Obama visited the local GM (Government Motors) dealership to see if he could land himself a "Cash for Clunkers" deal. Unfortunately, once he got there the dealer told Obama that he couldn't use his wife as trade in.
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Obama has decided to change the name of "Air Force One," the Presidential jet. He's going to rename it "Air Force The One."
Tip o'the hat to Robert
Under both ObamaCare and the Clunker program, bills are divided into parts and labor.
Tip o'the hat to Manny
Astronomers have spotted an object in space that they say is potentially dangerous, yet for a year it's just sat out there and has done nothing. For that, they've named the object COMET OBAMA.
Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D at www.wtma.com
And marine biologists have spotted the deepest living fish ever, near the ocean floor at the Earth's lowest point. They're calling it, the Barack Obama Approval Ratings Fish.
Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D at www.wtma.com
Bill Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack Obama go into a bar. Bill tells the barkeeper, "I'll have a B and C." Obama whispers, "What is a B and C?" "That's a bourbon and Coke," Clinton answers. Then Biden orders, "I'll have a G and T." Obama again whispers, "What's a G and T?" "A gin and tonic," Joe replies. Obama wants to seem like he's one of the guys so he tells the barkeeper, "I'll have a 15." Now it's the bartender's turn to ask, "What's a 15?" Obama says, "A 7 and 7."
Tip o'the hat to Paula
You remember the Reagan era, when Ronald Reagan was President, and Bob Hope and Johnny Cash were still with us? Well, now we have Obama, no hope, and no cash.
Tip o'the hat to Josie
Q: What is the difference between ObamaCare and a car battery?
A: The battery has a positive side.
Tip o'the hat to Karen
Exhausted and ill from the effort of enacting the Obama healthcare plan, an elderly Senator goes to the doctor. Doctor says, "I have bad news, good news, and bad news, Senator. The bad news is that you only have six months to live. But the good news is that there’s an operation that is 100% successful in curing this illness." "That sounds great, Doctor," says the Senator, "but what’s the other bad news?" The Doctor replies, "The Department of Health and Human Services says the first available slot is seven months from today."
Tip o'the hat to The Plainsman
In the washroom at the airport I saw a handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the President!"..........There's nothing like "hot air" and the smell of crap to give you that true Obama experience!!!!
Tip o'the hat to Kenneth
Q. What did Obama do when he caught Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid in bed with Osama bin Laden in the Lincoln Bedroom?
A. Nothing.
Tip o'the hat to The Plainsman
New bumper sticker:
Obama lied, the economy died.
Tip o'the hat to Ashley
Q. Why did Obama cross the road?
A. Actually, Obama promised to cross the road, but then he didn't.
Tip o'the hat to The Plainsman
If Obama had half a brain, his butt would be lopsided.
Tip o'the hat to Luke
President Obama is to statesmanship as an Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Tip o'the hat to Henry
Q. What is Barack Obama's favorite lunch meat?
A. Mao Tse Tongue.
Tip o'the hat to Meyer
The aliens forgot to remove Obama's anal probe.
Tip o'the hat to Elliott
If Barack Obama had been the Commander in Chief of the Sioux and the Cheyenne, George Armstrong Custer would have died of old age.
Tip o'the hat to Dwight
Q. Why was Obama staring at the frozen orange juice can?
A. It said "concentrate".
Tip o'the hat to Anita
America is the china shop; Obama is the bull.
Tip o'the hat to H. L. Mencken
Q. What would you get if you crossed Albert Einstein with Barack Obama?
A. E = MC Hammer
Tip o'the hat to Stanley
Q. Why did President Obama feel it was necessary for him to apologize to the world and to degrade the United States?
A. Jimmy Carter had laryngitis.
Tip o'the hat to Poetsarena.com
Barack Obama told Oprah Winfrey that he deserves to get a "good, solid B-plus" for his first year as President. He also claimed that Bo, the White House dog, ate the economy.
Tip o'the hat to Angela
Obamatopia: Where Soup Plantations are being replaced by soup kitchens.
Tip o'the hat to Herbert
Q. Why did Obama make a big contribution to SarahPAC?
A. Because he wants to face off against Sarah Palin instead of a real opponent in 2012.
Tip o'the hat to Willard.
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Popular Barack Obama Jokes
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist. Like any corrupt Chicago politician, Obama would frequently go the cemetery to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested that they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has as much right to vote as anyone else here!" Obama Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon. Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American. Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'I ♥ Obama.' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
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