Draft 3

T.J's Right Path

    When people strongly believes in something, it is when that person's thoughts become actions. However not all of the actions will be a wise one. One example would be T.J., a strong- willed boy from Whale Talk, by Chris Crutcher. Although he has a rugged appearance, he is the type of guy that looks out for others. Such people like Kristen Sweetwater, Chris Coughlin, Carly Hudson, Alicia, Heidi or even a baby deer can expect to be helped out in some way by T.J.     

    If someone is a guy  like T.J, then that person looks out for others, for any reason, they try to help a person in need. For example, Kristen Sweetwater is one of Carly Hudson’s friends. When Kristen was in trouble with Barbour, T.J was the only person willing to stand up to him. “Now I’m going to find Barbour” (Crutcher 142). Although aware that Barbour is tougher than him, he was ready for revenge for all the actions he had done. Luckily, Carly tried to stop T.J from payback on Barbour and possibly saved him from being beaten up. T.J was not proud of giving up because he likes to take care and look out for others.

    Being part of a swim team was something T.J was fairly interested in. And with every practice he goes to, T.J gives one hundred percent effort. Not only that but T.J also helped Chris with his swimming and time. Even though all the other jocks like Barbour gave no hope for Chris because he was different, T.J was there teaching Chris. “Now that you’re going to be a swimmer in the soft water, we’ve got to have a way to identify you; you know, like let everyone know you are a swimmer” (Crutcher 32). Being slower means that helpers need patience so helping out Chris was an action that T.J should feel exceptional about. Since T.J became good friends with Chris, Chris was able to trust him and open up. Giving his brother’s letter jacket was a way to show T.J he appreciates him.

    T.J’s kind heart allows him to stand up for humans and creatures. Anyone who has been bullied by Barbour or Rich can expect T.J’s support. For example, two deers were shot by Rich with T.J as a witness. Although he was not able to save the baby deer, it was the fact he tried. The deer was shot from right under him, where all its blood was stained on T.J’s shirt. As a remembrance of this event, T.J wore that same shirt to school. “The deer kicked a three-inch gash in my forehead, but i held on like  bulldogger and Rich couldn't gt a clear body shot” (Crutcher 37). Wearing that shirt was both a good and bad act to do. Wearing the shirt shows Rich he does not tolerate what he did which shows his kind heart. However, that same shirt shows a bad message to parents and sets off a bad example to those younger.

    An action is what people have control of yet, those decisions may not be the best. An example, of doing such mistakes is T.J, a boy with several words to say, and does not mind saying it. Rivals like Mike Barbour and Rich Marshall allow T.J has to get involved. Standing up for Kristen Sweetwater showed he was considerate yet careless to not think of the consequences. Helping Chris helped show his sensitive side. Anyone else would have given up on him, but not T.J. Although things did not end up too well with the baby deer, T.J still stood up for him showing everyone what person Rich Marshall is. When is comes to actions, the right path is not always chosen. However, the right people will help guide anyone to the right path.

Draft 2

T.J's Right Path avoid underlining this year - ok?  -Docraygen 9/18/08 11:34 PM 

    Being part of a swim team was something T.J was fairly interested in. And with every practice he goes to, T.J gives one hundred percent effort. Not only that but T.J also helped Chris with his swimming and time. Even though all the other jocks like Barbour gave no hope for Chris because he was different, T.J was there teaching Chris. “Now that you’re going to be a swimmer in the soft water, we’ve got to have a way to identify you; you know, like let everyone know you are a swimmer.” [Crutcher 32] Being slower means that helpers need patience so helping out Chris was an action that T.J should feel exceptional about. Since T.J became good friends with Chris, Chris was able to trust him and open up. Giving his brother’s letter jacket was a way to show T.J he appreciates him.

    T.J’s kind heart allows him to stand up for humans and creatures. Anyone who has been bullied by Barbour or Rich can expect T.J’s support. For example, two deers were shot by Rich with T.J as a witness. Although he was not able to save the baby deer, it was the fact he tried. The deer was shot from right under him, where all its blood was stained on T.J’s shirt. As a remembrance of this event, T.J wore that same shirt to school. “So the other students are refusing to work in order to stare at T.J’s shirt?” [Crutcher 39] Wearing that shirt was both a good and bad thing to do. Wearing the shirt shows Rich he does not tolerate what he did which shows his kind heart. However, that same shirt shows a bad message to parents and sets off a bad example to those younger. THE QUOTE DOES NOT EXACTLY SPEAK TO YOUR POINT.  -Docraygen 9/18/08 11:42 PM 

    Your actions are what you have control of yet, your decisions may not be the best. An example, of doing such mistakes is T.J, a boy with several things to say, and does not mind saying it. Rivals like Mike Barbour and Rich Marshall allow T.J has to get involved. Standing up for Kristen Sweetwater showed he was considerate yet careless to not think of the consequences. Helping Chris helped show his sensitive side. Anyone else would have given up on him, but not T.J. Although things did not end up too well with the baby deer, T.J still stood up for him showing everyone what person Rich Marshall is. When is comes to actions, you may not choose the right path. However, the right people will help guide you to the right path.

Good arguments made in this essay. Avoid the second person in ALL essays. Correct your citations.

Draft 1

Indentation! -Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:10 PM When you strongly believe in something, it is when your thoughts become actions.Very nice opening statement -Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:06 PM  However not all of your actions will be a wise one.You mean his actions-Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:01 PM  One example would be T.J., a strong- willed boy from Whale Talk, by Chris Crutcher. Although he has a rugged appearance, he is the type of guy that looks out for others. T.J was willing to stand up to Mike Barbour for hurting Kristen Sweetwater. T.J. also stood up for Chris Coughlin when teased by Rich Marshall and Barbour along with trying to protect the baby deer from being shot.Intro doesn't explain what the essay will be about and you shouldn't start giving examples, that's what the body is for, plus there is no thesis-Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:05 PM 

If you are like T.J, then you look out for others. For any reason, you try to help a person in need.You can put these sentences together -Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:13 PM  For example, Kristen Sweetwater is one of Carly Hudson’s friends. When Kristen was in trouble with Barbour, T.J was the only person willing to stand up to him. “Now I’m going to find Barbour.” [Crutcher 142] Although aware that Barbour is tougher than him, he was ready for revenge for all the things he had done. Luckily, Carly tried to stop T.J from payback on Barbour and possibly saved him from being beaten up. T.J was not proud of giving up because he likes to take care and look out for others.

Being part of a swim team was something T.J was not interested in.I thought he was interested in the swim team -Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:21 PM  However, every practice he goes to, T.J gives one hundred percent effort.Very true -Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 5:14 PM  Not only that but T.J also helped Chris with his swimming and time. Even though all the other jocks like Barbour gave no hope for Chris because he was different, T.J was there teaching Chris. “Now that you’re going to be a swimmer in the soft water, we’ve got to have a way to identify you; you know, like let everyone know you are a swimmer.” [Crutcher 32] Being slower means that helpers need patience so helping out Chris was an action that T.J should feel exceptional about. Since T.J became good friends with Chris, Chris was able to trust him and open up. Giving his brother’s letter jacket was a way to show T.J he appreciates him.Fantastic point -Lane Krejcik 9/11/08 6:12 PM 

T.J’s kind heart allows him to stand up for humans and creatures. Anyone who has been bullied by Barbour or Rich can expect T.J’s support. For example, two deers were shot by Rich with T.J as a witness. Although he was not able to save the baby deer, it was the fact he tried. The deer was shot from right under him, where all its blood was stained on T.J’s shirt. As a remembrance of this event, T.J wore that same shirt to school. “So the other students are refusing to work in order to stare at T.J’s shirt?” [Crutcher 39] Wearing that shirt was both a good and bad thing to do. Wearing the shirt shows Rich he does not tolerate what he did which shows his kind heart. However, that same shirt shows a bad message to parents and sets off a bad example to those younger.