I am only just learning that there is, in fact, a threshold for what creative things you can say about yourself in about a paragraph's worth of words.  I should attempt to write a generic "for all use" paragraph that I can simply cut and paste into all relevant mediums, including resumes, playbill biographies and my myspace profile. Here we go:

Arlene is half of one thing and half of another and hopes one day in the future we are all some beautiful caramel color and also one giant religion.  She hopes that that religion is agnostic.  She can't not deny the existence of a God but otherwise finds very little value in or derives satisfaction from other doctrines or beliefs. 

Arlene enjoys being the proud owner of long brown hair and dark brown eyes.  Arlene uses contacts but plans on getting laser eye surgery eventually.  Sometimes she wears glasses (when she isn't busy losing them) and they are the hot geeky kind, a la Tina Fey.  Arlene is neither overweight nor really ugly.  But as she likes to put it, she only puts about as much effort into her appearance so that when people look at her they don't go "Ewww."  She's okay, that Arlene.

 Like all products of a Postmodern world, Arlene's interest are so varied and constantly changing it would be pointless to list any here.  Something that will never change:  Arlene has a love, an obsession, a passion for food that rivals the Italians.  And yet Arlene has enough self-control that she can actually refuse pizza and donuts.  In fact, she does this regularly.  Some think Arlene is a freak. 

Arlene also loves to travel, but cannot afford it and would rather not talk about it right now.