DRAFT 3

Lauren Farello

17 November 2009

Period 2

Personal Promises

 

        As I embark on the college journey next year, I am confident that I will be a student of learning, both inside and outside of the classroom.  One of my goals in college is to remain open minded when it comes to different aspects of social life.  Inevitably, part of my college experience will entail meeting new people and developing new friendships.  Although I am excited and anxious for this, I have been warned of the dangers of college life, especially college dating.  Camille Paglia, in It's a Jungle Out There, cautions women that even though the rise of feminism has inspired independence, women will never be safe from all sexual dangers.  She comments on how men are beastly and how women need to use common sense when interacting with them.  Common Decency, by Susan Jacoby, also examines the dangers of date rape, but with a much different tone.  She argues that all men have the ability to uphold themselves in a civilized manner, but a few in the minority don't.  In order to prevent myself from becoming a victim of date rape and other potentially dangerous situations, I have established a number of guidelines to follow.  As I embark on an unforgettable journey into the world of college, I am going to abide by a moral code and a set of rules in order to stay safe maintain my sense of dignity and integrity.  

         

          In order to curb the chances of being in a potentially harmful situation, one precaution I will take will enable me to enjoy myself while still being cautious.  I am never going to hang out with a large group, at a social gathering or party, unless I am accompanied by at least one or two close and trusted friends.  According to Paglia, “A woman going to a fraternity party is walking into Testosterone Flats. . . She should arrive with friends and leave with them” (2001, 538).  I have always been taught to go places with friends, because strength lies in numbers.  I believe this to be true, especially in situations where I will be with people I do not know.  However, as easy as this seems to say, I feel it will be a bit harder to execute.  I have always been a huge advocate and believer of female independence and equality of the sexes.  I have a feeling I am going to want to do things on my own, without my friends, as well.  But I mustn’t forget the dangers of being alone.  “Feminism keeps saying the sexes are the same.  It keeps telling women they can do anything, go anywhere, say anything, wear anything.  No, they can’t” (Paglia 2001, 539).  As part of my dating and safety guide, I will make an effort to stay with few close friends in a large social setting.

         

          Dating in college will be one of the new experiences I encounter as I meet new people and create friendships.  Having grown up in a small town my whole life, I have known most of the students at the schools I have attended.  However, in college, I will know few students, and will not know much about them when I meet them.  Part of my dating and safety guide includes a rule that the first date should be in a public place.  According to Kelci Lynn, “As romantic as a candlelight dinner at your date's apartment may sound, it's not a good idea if you don't know someone very well. Meet somewhere very public during your first few dates” (2009).  Being in a public place with a semi-stranger is always a safer idea than being alone with one.  I would feel more comfortable in a place where others are present, especially with a person whom I do not know very well.  It is especially important to go out in public until a relationship built on trust can be formed.  Another method of prevention is stated, “Avoid secluded places (this may even mean your room or your partner's) until you trust your partner” (Date Rape). 

 

        A couple of ways to be safe are to go on the first few dates with a group or to go on a double date with a friend.  A double date would make me feel more comfortable, especially if I am not familiar with my date.  As long as I am confident that my friend and I will be there to support each other, in case either of us have less than satisfactory dates, I am fairly certain that we will enjoy ourselves.  One suggestion, in order to make the situation less awkward, would be to say something such as "I'd love to check out this new club with you, and some friends of mine are going on Saturday..." (Lynn 2009).  This is a casual way to bring up a date, and include the fact that there will be others present, upfront.  I believe that this would also be a safe way in which to go on a date because it would avoid an uncomfortable situation.  A social setting with a close, trusted friend would make me feel less worried about the dangers of date rape. It would be a good way to begin to get to know a guy.  In the back of my mind, I know that I will be thinking about Jacoby’s statement “Most date rapes do not happen because a man honestly mistakes a woman’s ‘no’ for a ‘yes’ or a ‘maybe’.  They occur because a minority of men- an ugly minority, to be sure- can’t stand to take ‘no’ for an answer” (2001, 545).  The chances that anything bad will happen are slim; however, it is still a possibility.  Therefore, going on a group date until I become comfortable with my date will hopefully be a good indicator of character. 

 

        When I turn twenty-one, I will be exposed to a whole new aspect of college life.   Alcohol seems to complicate social activities because of the number of things that could potentially go wrong when people are unable to control their actions.  When I become of the legal drinking age, I will practice a number of behaviors in order to stay safe and make good choices.  I promise to drink responsibly in the presence of alcohol, especially at social events such as fraternity parties.  I do not want to be one of the girls who drinks excessively and regrets ever going to the party.  As Paglia states, “A girl who lets herself get dead drunk at a fraternity party is a fool.  A girl who goes upstairs alone with a brother at a fraternity party is an idiot” (2001, 539).  This could simply be prevented by only drinking a small amount of alcohol at social events.  Drinking is a big responsibility that comes with a lot of baggage that needs to be handled carefully.  “If you're old enough to be drinking, you're old enough to handle it like an adult. Don't get yourself into a situation you didn't plan on due to alcohol” (Lynn 2009).  Additionally, an amateur mistake made by many trusting adults is when an individual leaves his or her drink accessible to others.  Dangerous males sometimes place an illegal substance in a girl’s drink in order to momentarily cause her to lose consciousness.   According to TeensHealth, “Drugs. . . can easily be mixed in drinks to make a person black out and forget things that happen” (TeensHealth)  This also can be prevented by always holding onto my own drink.  If I need to use the restroom, for example, I should simply acquire a new drink, not go back to my old drink.  I believe that practicing behaviors such as these will allow me to enjoy myself while still being safe.

 

        College is going to bring about a variety of new people with diverse backgrounds and ideas, as well as a myriad of new activities and social events.  I believe that because of these new experiences, I will expand my horizons and grow as a person.  According to Rehn, “College is the perfect excuse to discover many different types of people and relationships, so take advantage of this excuse and have fun!”  However, I plan to take the proper precautions necessary in order to avoid dangerous or potentially harmful situations.  The simplest way to do so is to make smart choices and become well informed.  I believe that awareness of the issue of date rape, especially on college campuses, is something that should be acknowledged by all students.  As Paglia states, “The only solution to date rape is female self-awareness and self-control” ( 2001, 541).  I promise to make sure I am aware of my situations and its surrounding in addition to being in control of my actions at all times.  

 

 

Reference List

 

Date Rape. TeensHealth. Nemours. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/date_rape.html#

 

Jacoby, Susan. 2001. "Common decency." In patterns for college writing, ed. Laurie G. Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell, 544-546.  Boston: Bedford/ St. Martins. 

 

Lynn, Kelci. 2009. About. College Dating: 10 Tips for Dating Safely. http://collegelife.about.com/od/dating/qt/datingsafety.htm 

 

Paglia, Camille. 2001. "It's a jungle out there." In patterns for college writing, ed.

    Laurie G. Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell, 538-541.  Boston: Bedford/ St. Martins.

 

Rehn, Rodrigo. 2008. Dating During College Keep Your Options Open. Articlesbase.

    http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/dating-during-college-keep-your-options-open-579916.html.

 

 

DRAFT 2

Lauren Farello

3 November 2009

Period 2

Personal Promises

 

        As I embark on the college journey next year, I am confident that I will be a student of learning, both inside and outside of the classroom.  One of my goals in college is to remain open minded when it comes to and willing to learn about different aspects of social life.  Inevitably, part of my college experience will entail meeting new people and developing new friendships.  Although I am excited and anxious for this, I have been warned of the dangers of college life, especially college dating.  Camille Paglia, in It's a Jungle Out There, cautions women that even though the rise of feminism has inspired independence, women will never be safe from all sexual dangers.  She comments on how men are beastly and how women need to use common sense when interacting with them.  Common Decency, by Susan Jacoby, also examines the dangers of date rape, but with in a much different tone.  She argues that all men have the ability to uphold themselves in a civilized manner, but a few in the minority don't.  In order to prevent myself from becoming a victim of date rape and other potentially dangerous situations, I have established a number of guidelines to in which I plan to follow.  As I embark on an unforgettable journey into the world of college, I am going to abide by a moral code and a set of rules in order to stay safe maintain my sense of dignity and integrity.  

         

          In order to curb the chances of being in a potentially harmful situation, one precaution I will take will enable me to enjoy myself while still being cautious.  I am never going to hang out with a large group, at a social gathering or party, unless I am accompanied by at least one or two close and trusted friends.  According to Paglia, “A woman going to a fraternity party is walking into Testosterone Flats. . . She should arrive with friends and leave with them” (2001, 538).  I have always been taught to go places with friends, because strength lies in numbers.  I believe this to be true, especially in situations where I will be with people I do not know.  However, as easy as this seems to say, I feel it will be a bit harder to execute.  I have always been a huge advocate and believer of female independence and equality of the sexes.  I have a feeling I am going to want to do things on my own, without my friends, as well.  But I mustn’t forget the dangers of being alone.  “Feminism keeps saying the sexes are the same.  It keeps telling women they can do anything, go anywhere, say anything, wear anything.  No, they can’t” (Paglia 2001, 539).  As part of my dating and safety guide, I will make an effort to stay with few close friends in a large social setting.

         

          Dating in college will be one of the new experiences I encounter as I meet new people and create friendships.  Having grown up in a small town my whole life, I have known most of the students at the schools I have attended.  However, in college, I will know few students, and will not know much about them when I meet them.  Part of my dating and safety guide includes a rule that the first date should be in a public place.  According to Kelci Lynn, “As romantic as a candlelight dinner at your date's apartment may sound, it's not a good idea if you don't know someone very well. Meet somewhere very public during your first few dates” (2009).  Being in a public place with a semi-stranger is always a safer idea than being alone with one.  I would feel more comfortable in a place where others are present, especially with a person whom I do not know very well, to be in a place with others.  It is especially important to go out in public until a relationship built on trust can be formed.  Another method of prevention is stated, “Avoid secluded places (this may even mean your room or your partner's) until you trust your partner” (Date Rape). 

 

        Another A couple of ways manner in which to be safe are to go on the first few dates with a group or on a double date with a friend.  A double date would make me feel more comfortable, especially if I am not familiar with my date.  As long as I am confident that my friend and I will be there to support each other, in case either of us have less than satisfactory dates, I am fairly certain that we will enjoy ourselves.  One suggestion, in order to make the situation less awkward, would be to say something such as "I'd love to check out this new club with you, and some friends of mine are going on Saturday..." (Lynn 2009).  This is a casual way to bring up a date, and include the fact that there will be others present, upfront.  I believe that this would also be a safe way in which to go on a date because it would avoid an uncomfortable situation.  A social setting with a close, trusted friend would make me feel less worried about the dangers of date rape. It would be a good way to begin to get to know a guy.  In the back of my mind, I know that I will be thinking about Jacoby’s statement “Most date rapes do not happen because a man honestly mistakes a woman’s ‘no’ for a ‘yes’ or a ‘maybe’.  They occur because a minority of men- an ugly minority, to be sure- can’t stand to take ‘no’ for an answer” (2001, 545).  The chances that anything bad will happen are slim; however, it is still a possibility.  Therefore, going on a group date until I become comfortable with my date will hopefully be a good indicator of character. 

 

        When I turn twenty-one, I will be exposed to a whole new aspect of college life.   Alcohol seems to complicate social activities because of the number of things that could potentially go wrong when people are unable to control their actions.  When I become of the legal drinking age, I will practice a number of behaviors in order to stay safe and make good choices.  I promise to drink responsibly in the presence of alcohol, especially at social events such as fraternity parties.  I do not want to be one of the girls who drinks excessively and regrets ever going to the party.  As Paglia states, “A girl who lets herself get dead drunk at a fraternity party is a fool.  A girl who goes upstairs alone with a brother at a fraternity party is an idiot” (2001, 539).  This could simply be prevented by only drinking a small amount of alcohol at social events.  Drinking is a big responsibility that comes with a lot of baggage that needs to be handled carefully.  “If you're old enough to be drinking, you're old enough to handle it like an adult. Don't get yourself into a situation you didn't plan on due to alcohol” (Lynn 2009).  Additionally, an amateur mistake made by many trusting adults is when one an individual leaves his or her drink accessible to others.  Dangerous males sometimes A method used by dangerous males is to place an illegal substance in a girl’s drink in order to momentarily cause her to lose consciousness.   According to TeensHealth, “Drugs. . . can easily be mixed in drinks to make a person black out and forget things that happen” (TeensHealth)  This also can be prevented by always holding onto my own drink.  If I need to use the restroom, for example, I should simply acquire a new drink, not go back to my old drink.  I believe that practicing behaviors such as these will allow me to enjoy myself while still being safe.

 

        College is going to bring about a variety of new people with diverse backgrounds and ideas, as well as a myriad of new activities and social events.  I believe that because of these new experiences, I will expand my horizons and grow as a person.  According to Rodrigo Rehn, “College is the perfect excuse to discover many different types of people and relationships, so take advantage of this excuse and have fun!”  However, I plan to take the proper precautions necessary in order to avoid dangerous or potentially harmful situations.  The simplest way to do so is to make smart choices and become well informed.  I believe that awareness of the issue of date rape, especially on college campuses, is something that should be acknowledged by all students.  As Paglia states, “The only solution to date rape is female self-awareness and self-control” (2001, 541).  I promise to make sure I am aware of my situations and its surrounding in addition to being in control of my actions at all times.  

 

 

Reference List

 

Date Rape. TeensHealth. Nemours. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/date_rape.html#

 

Jacoby, Susan. 2001. "Common decency." In patterns for college writing, ed. Laurie G. Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell, 544-546.  Boston: Bedford/ St. Martins. 

 

Lynn, Kelci. 2009. About. College Dating: 10 Tips for Dating Safely. http://collegelife.about.com/od/dating/qt/datingsafety.htm 

 

Paglia, Camille. 2001. "It's a jungle out there." In patterns for college writing, ed.

Laurie G. Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell, 538-541.  Boston: Bedford/ St. Martins.

 

Rehn, Rodrigo. 2008. Dating During College Keep Your Options Open. Articlesbase. http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/dating-during-college-keep-your-options-open-579916.html.