"What was it like growing up in Care? It felt as if all of my nightmares had come true. I wrote this article for Newham. I wanted to get across, how, what we experience as a very small child can stay with us forever. The little girl in the picture, is me. Yet, I could be looking at a stranger. I was already in Care when those Picture's was taken in 60's . I hate the way that my lovely long hair was cut off. I was told that the area was in Manor Park, so, I wondered, whether anyone has any idea where it was taken. Following on from this I wrote my autobiography, "At the Rainbow's End"! Just as it was doing well, about to head into W.H.SMITHS, the publishers were taken to Court, so my dream ended, before it begin.
 I did not just lose a business opportunity , money, the chance to tell my story. Only, not being one to give up, I've rewritten my book, added more to it, almost ready to find a publisher, now, that is something that I will think even more carefully over, even though, I found Avon in the Writers@ Artists Year Book.
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Sadly, the happy ending that I had hoped for regarding my brother Stephen was not to be, yet, it so could had been.
My story is not remarkable. Coming to terms with an abusive Childhood is a very difficult issue to tackle alone. I am learning who my friends are, more than anything else, how wrong it is to keep secrets from children, secrets, that you know will devastate them as they grow up, one day, discover the truth. Never think, they will never find out. Whilst, I still do not have all of those missing pieces, one day, I will fit them together, the truth will be out there for everyone to see. My Parents walked out the door, down to the pub, leaving their baby alone in the house, not, once, on many occasions. You may think, cause, I cannot get access to those memories, it's unimportant, that is so not the case. One day, I need to accept that this was not an mistake, a deliberate choice to leave me alone, not just then, for 18years of my life, as a mum, that is so hard to do. I keep wanting to make excuses for her, she's an alcoholic, yet, it has effected me a great deal. I am still struggling to come to terms with this, so much more. Basically, my life was lived out in danger, I have been fighting for justice, not just for myself, every child who has/is going through the system. I want to be that voice that makes an difference. Never again do I want to hear these words. "We will learn lessons from this"! It is not happening! These are empty words if their not carried through. There was no safe place to run to. I was completely alone......................
My Journey to Find my Brother Stephen. At the age of 16 I was told about Stephen. He was adopted before I was born. From that moment onward s, I begin my journey to find him, sadly, without any help from those who knew about him. Then, more recently, Matthew, discovered that I had Sister Susan, I was never told about. "Do you think we can find her"? "No, its like, she too has been hidden away.
I never got to grow up with my siblings or to experience Family Life. I cannot make up this loss, yet, I long to do so. I have appealed for information, no-one has ever come forward. Someone, holds the key to unlocking that door, the missing link, to the broken chain is around, somewhere. Stephen is my brother, my children's Uncle, Susan is my sister, their Aunt. Please, if anyone can help me, no matter, how small the information may be. Email me annsarasjoy@msn.com Thank you. Please take a moment to click on the link below, it is a video, that I did for YOUTUBE, about Stephen. S sssssas Sadly, I have had to write a postscript for Stephen. Not the one that I wanted to do. Just for once, I wanted a happy ending, here, it was never going to be so. Only, I just never knew, the outcome had already been made. In some ways, My Journey is over, for I have found Stephen, not in the way that I had always longed for. As a little girl, I used to always say, that, Social Workers only ever bring me bad news, nothing, has changed here.
A week ago, I was informed by a Social Worker that Stephen had been killed in a lorry accident, if that was not a shock enough, she then went on to say, happened, over 13years a go! What is even harder coming to terms with is the fact that, for all of those years as I searched for my brother, he was already dead. So, my book when its published will be in Memory of Steven. I have to make his life, count for something!
There are still so many un-answered questions. I am trying not to lose hope finding Susan.
Ann........
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| I wrote this poem, many others as it's a great way to express what you cannot say, face to face.
A Mother's failure.
I could hate you forever, never moving on,
or, be strong, as I carry on, accepting,my
life is no longer in your hands.......
 CRAFTY IDEAS. I really enjoy Knitting, making cards. If I can get an online business going soon. I will put an link to it on here., although, at the moment, my writing takes priority. What can be nicer than doing something that brings you, hopefully, others, so much pleasure, making some money at the same time?
I'm in the process of setting up a small online, to sell any hand made items I
think, may be of an interest to people, as I love to knit, have a lot of artitsic ideas
which I feel, may appeal to others, at the same time, I get to do something
Many people have walked through my life! Only, true friends, have left footprints in my heart! Ever since my teens, I have dream t about meeting "The Osmonds"! There was a time when they were the only friends that I had. It was not just about their music, more about the effect they had upon my life. I believe, they gave me the strength to carry on in my darkest days, shut away at a Boarding School, they were, still are, a shining light in my life. "A fan"!, Simply means," Friend"!, We may live miles a part, the distance between us is nothing. I have cried listening to Donny sing, his music touches my heart in places that others have not been able to reach. Having meet them a few times in concert. I can, honestly tell you that, are completely down to earth. Seeing, Donny in concert felt so unreal. I remember, when Chelsey was younger she asked me, "Why, do all these girls scream at Donny, when they like him"? So hard explaining that, its a feeling deep, down inside, its a love that grew between friends. In this fickle world of Show Business where Celebs come, go, not many stay grounded. Which says, a lot about the person. It was never just A PUPPY LOVE, I always knew, that I would love him, "UNTIL THE 12TH OF NEVER"! I am proud to call myself, a friend. The Osmond's
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Jay, Marie, Donny, Merrill, Wayne in front row, Next Jay, is Jimmy, Alan. My family's websites. Ben Barry Daniel www.celebratearcades.comJggggff C h James Ja  |