Friend-What an important word in all our lifes...everybody has and loves their friends...Its pretty difficult to live without a friend really...if all that sounds a cliche to you,they sound to me too...but i just cant help it...the fundamental relationship on which this world(rather humanity)is built around is..of course friendship.. I would really be betraying myself if i say my mom is not my best friend..(actually she is)..but i am trying here to portray a person(rather incidents if u like to call it that way)outside my family who has had the greatest impact on me(outside my family as in excluding all brothers sisters and cousins)...personally i measure relationships based on their intensity(not on the incidents that take place or any other factor that you might use as a scale)...and hence when i say a person is my best friend, he/she has had the greatest impact on me... So this person whom i am trying to remind myself is a female(and obviously i am referring to a person outside my family)...and this is kinda ironical coz i dont normally speak to girls...yet i know this person for almost six years now...looking back i think its quite an achievement for me relationships wise.. There have indeed been people who have had greater impact on me..but these people have the obligation of an existing relationship that they cant afford to break..to put it in a nut shell..they have the obligation to listen to all the crap i say and help me do all the crap i do...but that doesnt take away anything from the bonding there really..it just reinforces the bonding with this person, the person who had no contact with me when my memory was developing,who had no obligation to listen to me,who had no commitment to help me out when i needed help...all these lack of moral responsibilities strengthens the friendship i have with this special person.. You might be wondering why i havent mentioned her name...But thats irrelevant..the name is just to address the person(and to give fodder to gossip machines)..its the person thats important..not the body but the soul(dont think i have got a crazy mind which thinks of philosophy all the time...its just the realisation-esp after spending an year at col watching hollywood movies :D-i have acquired)...if u did notice...in all my previous posts i have left out the most important names(he he...i know u didnt :P)... This person has been really special to me...I say this coz she is one of the few people to have inspired me..one of the few that i always(and will always)look upto..though she is never around me physically the memories that were created just keeps me going(ya...they are nice to look back...i always do that)...though she has never helped me a great deal(i say this coz i never ask help...like i kinda ask help only when i desperately require...and seriously all those help i ever needed...she couldnt have done it for me..they were tasks designed for some other people-and saying so i dont boast myself to be the most helpful one either)she has never given up on me...and i hope she never ever gives up on me... I first came to know of her in sixth(ya....was really young then...thats a very long time ago right??)...I was just beginning to study well(then,academics was pretty high on my agenda)and she shot up way above me-just like that...so it was like i heard that she was a genius...but i never saw her though she was only 2 rooms away(like in those days i seldom spoke with a girl).. According to her(coz i dont have a memory of this incident)i had first met her and spoke to her simultaneously after the half yearly exam in seventh(i supposedly spoke to her through a window it seems...but i surprisingly dont seem to remember the incident)..seventh was a surprisingly successful year for me at school(i studied then at avm)..i had made through to the quarterfinals of the BQC...had appeared on tv...and had beaten her for the first time(i think it was the only time)in acads...a famous mime at the annual day function..it was the year i became pretty famous at the school...i heard rumours that she was sobbing after the "defeat"(which she violently denies till date)...but anyway..we were only great competitors then...not great friends... My first memory of seeing her was in eighth...i had asked one of my friends to show me who she was(she was shifted to my adjacent class...and despite transitioning towards adolescence i was still quite nervous to speak to a girl)...he did...and that first image still rests in my mind..my instinct then told me that she was kinda special(dont know why)..i still remember that day...but my initial percpetion of her was that she was an egotist(you see her background-rich family and her academic record created that perception-it was like it created the same perception on everyone's mind)..but i kinda liked that so called ego...sort of admiration(ok...if you wanna call it crush-i dont care)..so gradually i began speaking with her....very gradual...usually i used my friend as a tool to talk to her...for months the talk was very much restricted to academics...i used to ask her test scores...nothing more nothing less...for the rest of the time when there was no academic talk i just used to stand in the corridor and used to admire her-all small things she did(ya...it was crazy i know..but i just did that...she never knew this).. and slowly my friend was no longer needed and when the topic of our talks was just removed from academics the year got over... Nineth was crazy...though we both belonged to adjacent sections i could never quite see her due to the presence of the library in between...but i didnt feel for it..it didnt affect me one bit(=>>it wasnt actually a crush...or it would have affected me)..but i did jump at the rare opportunities i got to meet her...test marks...english notes(primarily-our english teacher was bad-she never hesitated to help in this regard)...and some other topics...i used to have a friend in the other section adjacent to her class....would call upon him unnecessarily sometimes just to have a view of her face...and this was done without anyone noticing me doing this...i was kinda very cautioned about this..i didnt want any gossips circulating even then...but i was happy with the rare glimpses of her face...and so a year passed.. tenth...more responsibility this time around..we were back to adjacent rooms....but i refrained myself from standing on the corridor...i felt it was unnecessary...i did manage to get a glimpse of her almost everyday at the assembly and at the "super-coaching" classes our teachers conducted...our "talking topics" diverged a little..and i was happy with the shift from the academics..i also remember an evening, we were chatting late in the evening..the sun was at a peculiar angle in the sky and it cut across right through the roof just enough to cast some rays upon her eyes...i saw the reflection of light from those brown eye balls...chocolate brown...thats the best pair of eyes i have ever seen till date(daniel craig comes a close second)... but all these..these admirations came to a halting stop after our annual day function that year..it was held in december(than the usual july) in the newly built auditorium...i had to sit adjacent to her coz both of us belonged to the adjacent classes and both were getting the proficiency...our conversation started about an hour before the show started...it went on despite all the happenings around us...when we went upstage to get our prices it was just a break in our conversation..nothing more...and thus for almost five full hours we spoke...and i primarily learnt a lot from that conversation(its perhaps the biggest i have had yet in my life)...and the fact that the audio effect in the auditorium sucked helped(like you couldnt watch a show properly even if you wanted to)..i learnt that she wasnt an egotist..and also other things that just created a sense of awe and an inspiration...soon all that kind of admiration i had was gone...i was beginning to see the soul hidden deep within her...kind of i was seeing for the first time a person who can be my inspiration and probably my best friend...our conversation was finally broken by the enigmatic pt sir(he holds a grudge against all academically strong students..he is going to get a beating from me some day)..and the rest of the day ripped off.. the rest of the year went away in a flash..i didnt have the kind of admiration i had for her before..i liked her company...and our talks now never had the focus of academics...i used to talk to her bravely...and till date she is the only girl to whom i have spoken with so bravely and for so long in person... soon we wrote entrance exams for our 11th and 12th and we both got the same school(destiny na..we both decided to move out of the present school and got the same school for further studies...all independently..)..and soon came the board exams...i remember praying for her to do well as well..and soon we were out of sight of each other.. the results came and i had a disaster while she became a state rank holder...i was hoping to catch a glimpse of her to congratulate her...but she wouldnt turn up...i phoned her father and i conveyed my regards...but he hung up without listening to me fully...anyways those were bitter moments(to me that is)..she got what she deserved and i was happy for her.. eleventh and twelfth flew by..i was so hung up between space and time doing all sorts of things....and due to strict rules of our new school we lost touch completely...the only thing between us,that too for the first four months alone of our school life was a mutual friend...that didnt help matters greately...but i did keep track of her academics...she was probably the only female's mark i saw at the notice board after each exam..i remember talking to her once amid shearing post-school traffic in early eleventh...couldnt even hear her voice...just gave her a thumbs up indicating all the best and went off.. two years rolled by...results had come...and by divine intervention i joined my college...and she joined a college which resonates with the abbreviation of the "mecca of engineering"...still no contacts...it had been close to six months since i saw a glimpse of her face.. October 25: A miraculous day really...all of a sudden i got her phone number from that mutual friend we had..i hadnt expected in the wildest dreams that i would get back in touch with her...i thought she was gone from my life...but she was back..and with a bang...there were days when we spent full evenings just messaging...we should have messaged close to 2000 msgs in a week(or so)...it was great experience..and we did get to know a lot about each other that we hadnt known in the last two and a half years.. jan21: finally met her after almost an year-at her college(EP :D)...had a small little chat with her for about half hour or so...she was in a real hurry(some crazy reason)...and finally i had completed one of the important tasks i had assigned to myself.. till date the bond hasnt been broken...there have been ruptures in the recent past..most of them the result of my mistakes..but as long as life goes on...the bond will stay i think... and honestly in my opinion i dont know whether she puts me in the place that i keep her within me...thats irrelevant anyway though...but after all its human to expect reciprocation of any emotion as such... we have had fights in the recent past...we have withheld ourselves from giving away info...but thats part and parcel of friendship i guess...the fights test the friendship... but one day i think i should go away from her life..may be for her own good...i dont know why...i think she is better off with me away....may be i am causing more harm than good...i havent answered this question yet..i just hope i will answer it someday... its crazy though...looking back...i have had a best friend!!!!and if at all i have a kid in the future, i will tell him.."son...i had a great friend when i was a kid".. @all other friends: You might be wondering why i put this friendship above all..its just the one simple reason..she is a girl!!!!thats all...that pulls down a lot of weight coz i am not even good at talking to them in general...the second reason is the crazy bond that we have developed over the years of intense competition and fighting...though i have been on the losing side on more occasions than one(may be the federer of the rivalry :D-its ok if its an astronomical hyperbole..i love federer's tennis...thats all),the competition was never slack...looking back i dont have a friend who has competed with me so fiercely except her..it makes it special you see.. and last but not the least...you are my friends guys...some of you are one of my best ever...its just those two reasons which pull down heavily..if i had somehow manged to hurt your emotions/bonding with me...sorry :( i hope this post didnt end up as a very personal account of a friendship...if it did i am sorry(again)... i hope everyone of you have a friendship as intimate as this... cheers, |