May 17, 2012 Things went well today for Dad but I suddenly feel exhausted and would like nothing more than to just put my head down and cry. What's wrong with me? May 16, 2012 I am lucky to have a husband and a brother that understand how much I have grown to dislike driving. Thanks, Michael and Butch for your willingness to drive Ms. Sugar... The odd thing is that I have not always felt this way about driving. Not sure what changed. Dad is having his pacemaker put in tomorrow. I hope the procedure goes well and that the pacemaker in conjunction with meds will give him a better quality of life going forward. By the way, it looks like I may be driving myself to the hospital. I've renewed my interest in trying to get Mom and Dad on tape talking about their past. Easier said than done though. May 11, 2012 I am trying to work on my performance appraisal for work and I just can't get into it. Blah, blah, blah... Sigh... I am feeling better about my dad. His options going forward are not all that great but he will be getting a pace maker next week and some fancy drugs. I have to remind myself that he will be 84 this year which is in itself an accomplishment. I went to the doctor a few days ago and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. He increased some diabetic medication I am on and it seems to be doing the trick. I just need to resist the temptation of all the candy in Traci, my boss's cubicle. But get this, he asked me if I still had my uterus. Geez, he's been my doctor for years. You'd think he'd know. Looking forward to Mother's Day with the family on Sunday. With all the health issues out there, it almost seems a bit bittersweet that we are getting together. It has been a long time. May 4, 2012 Feeling a bit droopy-eyed today. I think I am psychologically beat and it doesn't help that my only exercise this past month was walking around DC. I am also really worried about my doctor's appointment on Tuesday as my schedule has been so out of whack lately that controlling my blood sugar hasn't taken the priority it needs. It may be time to pay the piper and accept the unpleasant results of not taking better care of myself. I have also been on the verge of tears now for about three weeks as I've absorbed the news about dad. I just haven't indulged myself and at some point worry it is all going to spill out. Sigh... Despite all this though I am not all gloom and doom and am looking forward to the weekend. I went out at lunch today and took care of a few errands - deposited a check and bought April a birthday gift. Life goes on... May 3, 2012 Butch took on the difficult task this morning of telling Dad what the cardiologist relayed to us yesterday following his cardiac catheterization. What resonated most with me was Dad's question of why none of this was discovered sooner. A very big why because I had the same question a day earlier. Dad seemed to accept the bad news concerning his long term prognosis but I imagine it has given him a lot to think about. He will have some big decisions to make about treatment options following his appointment with the cardiologist next week. And I think he realizes there is more urgency to put his affairs in order. I suspect he is also realizing that there is a chance he may die first as he expressed concerns about Mom's physical frailty and lack of financial resources. Butch also did a fine job with his update about Dad (dated 05.03.12) Hi, I just send the updates to be sure everyone knows the latest. I have the feeling that you already know from your various family contacts. There seems to be a network in place that works. Dad is home. There are no action plans at this time beyond making an appointment with his cardiologist for next Thursday. The cardiologist will go over the diagnostic images with dad and explain the meaning and implications. I explained to dad this morning as best I could what the cardiologist told the Pedits gathered in the waiting room last night. I will repeat is so others that heard it can fill in on what I misunderstood or did not hear. The 3 supply arteries to his heart are severely blocked. All more than 90%. I think the values were 98,95,94. Therefore the cardiologist could not do any corrective activity. The pacemaker was not put in as at this time it is irrelevant. Dad basically has two treatment options. 1. Bypass surgery. He will need a triple CABG. They will not be able to use minimally invasive techniques. So that means a split breastbone. The risk of complications are high. Dads age combined with failing kidneys. His renal function is diminished 40%. The stress could result in stroke, renal failure leading to the need for dialysis upon recovery and or not coming out of the anesthesia. He also had arterial build up in his femoral artery and above. 2. Drugs. Forgo the surgery completely and take drugs to reduce clotting. I think no real prediction was made on the efficacy. The implication seemed to be that dad would essentially be living from day to day with little better odds than if he takes nothing. After I explained this to dad he seemed to get it. He will need to decide if he wants to risk the complications of surgery against taking the drugs. Right now it is not clear what has been communicated to mom. Dad would prefer she not know all the gory details. He worries about the additional stress it will cause her. He feels she is very weak and fragile right now. Mom is pretty bright on medical stuff and I sure she already know the implication of the doctor deciding to not go forward with the pacemaker. butch. May 2, 2012 The last three weeks have been pretty stressful and I find myself longing for a normal routine week and a chance to do yard work. :-) I spent nine days in the DC area for a work related conference followed by a few days of gallery hopping with Michael (which I thoroughly enjoyed). Also, Dad has been in and out of the hospital with heart related issues that have turned out to be fairly serious, which has meant some long days in hospitals. The arteries in his heart and his femoral arteries are 90-95% blocked. He needs a heart bypass but his chances of surviving an operation without serious complications are really grim. Facing the mortality of one's parents is sobering. But it also makes you re-evaluate your own life and the realization that we need to live our lives to the fullest. I can understand Michael's frustration with feeling "stuck" here.  April 12, 2012 Sometimes we moms just have to brag. I never imagined Sean would be part of a featured presentation at an Apple Store in Chicago. I wish I could have been there. Things are still busy at work as we prepare for our Member Meeting but I am starting to feel like I have more of a handle on the part of the meeting specs I am responsible for. The last of my hold-outs has provided their meeting details - 2 weeks late but at least it is something. I keep telling myself to stop worrying but I guess that's what I do... April 10, 2012 I remember when Michael and I used to make out in elevators. Happy times... I went to the doctor this afternoon for my diabetes check-up. My A1C level is really high, which is not good. The doctor increased the dosage of my medication. I have a second appointment in early May. If my A1C doesn't improve, I may have to start using insulin. I am feeling really motivated!  April 8, 2012 Happy Easter - another beautiful day today. A bit windy but clear and sunny. The picture I am sharing is a squirrel's nest. I took it in our backyard. I actually saw a squirrel go in it yesterday. Butch and April were over yesterday morning and trimmed a couple of trees for us, which I thought was pretty darn nice of them. Made me feel a bit like that older relative you go help out. :-) BTW, still coughing. April 1, 2012 Another sad day. I went to a visitation this afternoon for a co-worker who lost her daughter unexpectantly. Open coffin, which I must admit creeped me out a little bit. I can not even imagine losing my child. But this is two work related memorial services in two weeks which is really sobering. I am feeling better but still coughing. I am hoping by next weekend I will be all better. Oh yeah, Happy April Fool's Day... March 27, 2012 I am still coughing and feel tired nearly all the time. Big, big sigh.... Very busy at work with the Member Meeting now less than a month away. Lots of loose ends, I am working a few hours, sometimes more every night just trying to keep my head above water. Also trying to tackle Sean's taxes, which I find very challenging. Missing lots of receipts. No clue how to depreciate equipment. Even bigger sigh... March 22, 2012 Have been sick since Sunday with some respiratory thing - low grade fever, coughing. I have coughed so much my throat is raw and I can barely speak. I tried to get a doctor's appointment today but there were no openings. They did say they would call me back if there were any cancellations. Not feeling optimistic. Just feeling very tired. [Update - managed to get an appointment. I have a virus and just need to let it run its course.] The weather has been incredible lately - in the 80's the past few days and breaking records. One plus about being sick is that I have the window open and can hear the birds outside. I am glad that Michael and I got most of the flower beds cleaned out because the plants are going gangbusters. Lots of daffodils in bloom. I didn't get to a few beds closer to the back of the yard so am hoping I will feel well enough this weekend to tackle those. March 14, 2012 Seems ironic that I spoke earlier about getting one's life sucked out of them. We received news at work today that a coworker died this morning. She was hospitalized last week, had a series of strokes and did not recover. She was someone I thought of as incredibly smart but also someone who seemed very insecure despite her intelligence. I will miss her. It is hard to get your mind around something like this, the finality of it all. It makes you realize that each day we spend with people we love or care about is precious. March 9, 2012 I was going to write about getting my life sucked out of me but I'll save it for another day when I am feeling more philosophical or depressed, whichever comes first. Instead, I need to share that I learned a new word today - portmanteau, which is a word formed by combining two other words together. Some examples:
And the list goes on and on. Now if I can just find a way to use the word portmanteau in casual conversation... I think of all the times in a lifetime, especially during a crisis, people say "God, please let ...." thinking somehow that it might actually affect an outcome. I have come to believe though that we have only ourselves to rely on. What happens to us isn't orchestrated by some supernatural being. That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight Losing my religion Trying to keep a view And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough March 4, 2012 Michael and I watched Hugo last night, What a great movie. Come dream with me... I made another crock pot meal today for dinner - this time chile. I didn't really think it tasted much different than when I make it on the stove top but I rather like that I can make the dinner entree Sunday morning instead of spending a lot of time on it Sunday afternoon when I'd rather be doing something else. Michael has renamed Sundays "Crock Pot Sundays." :-D March 3, 2012 I couldn't find my phone Thursday night. After searching my car, the house and my desk at work, fearing the worst (that a stranger had my iPhone) I had AT&T suspend my service. Last night I discovered and used Find my iPhone. It is the most awesome service ever. It shows a map of where your iPhone is located, which luckily turned out to be at home. I tore my car apart this morning and found it. All is well in the world again. March 1, 2012 Ugh, came home from work early today with some kind of abdominal distress (if you get my drift). I think I may have picked up a bug or something at Webers yesterday when I was there for a seminar. It's hard to believe it is already March but happily it means Spring is right around the corner. I must admit we got off pretty easy this winter - no big snowfalls so far. It seems timely to repeat a few weather predictions made at year end. And a few weather predictions for 2012. The old river man (aka Michael) predicts that February will be bitterly cold and that there will be 16" of snow in March. He also predicts that he will be stand-up paddle boarding by the end of March (providing he has the appropriate footwear). Butch (aka John) predicts that we will only have two snowfalls exceeding 3" in January and February. The crocuses will be blooming by mid-March and we can anticipate a cool Spring. Mmm... Rather hoping Michael's snow prediction of 16" in March does not happen. :-D February 27, 2012 I finally used the crock pot I bought last year for something other than keeping a meal warm at work/family gatherings. I made beef short ribs on Sunday with Michael and Butch as my food critics. The meat was fall off the bone tender so now I am looking for some other tasty looking recipes to try. May try a pork or chicken dish next. Butch also scoped out the dead tree in our backyard and thinks it may be something we can handle ourselves. I hadn't realized that a lot of the branches had fallen off already. And Sean and Rose are apparently sprucing up the place they are moving into - looks like they painted their living room walls over the weekend (as reported on Twitter). So a lot of "nesting" going on this weekend - cooking, painting.... February 23, 2012 We went to Paradise for dinner. I had my new fave mu shu chicken and Michael had orange chicken. And then Michael put gas in my car and reversed it in the driveway for me. The idea is if the "winter storm" that's on its way dumps lots of snow, it will be easier for me to get out of the driveway in the morning. Dinner $33, gas $36, reversing the car in the driveway, priceless. February 20, 2012 Hah, I was playing with my "new" phone and I think I hung up on someone. I didn't recognize the number (701 area code which belongs to North Dakota) so I didn't feel comfortable calling back. Oh well... February 19, 2012 Busy, busy, busy... I finally got Sean's old iPhone activated. I am hoping there won't be too much of a learning curve using it but it seems pretty similar to my iPad except, of course, you can make calls, which I guess is the primary reason to have an iPhone. I also bought a new hairbrush today. The handle on my very old brush broke off last week which made it pretty difficult to style my hair while blowing it dry. And I finished our tax forms. Hurray! And a call out to my sister - thanks for being you. You are a dear friend. February 17. 2012 Sigh... My days of feeling "special" at Burger King are over. My favorite employee was terminated - apparently she was unable to produce the papers she needed to remain employed there. So no more food ready and on the counter before I even ordered. What a shame - but the bigger shame is that I never bothered to learn her name all those months she worked there. We never really even had a conversation - she would make eye contact and nod from her spot in the kitchen. We are still having mild winter weather. Last weekend it did get pretty cold and we had some snow but it's back to being above freezing. No complaints from me. And lastly, I am so, so glad it is Friday! February 15, 2012 Michael made dinner last night which was a nice treat. We shared a big bean burrito with chips from the Ann Arbor Tortilla Factory. Very yummy and the only effort on my part was lifting the fork to my mouth. I am hoping to finish our taxes this week and get them in the mail. I was going to use Turbo Tax but then decided it was silly to pay a fee when they were pretty simple to do this year - no energy credits, etc. From what I can tell so far we overpaid Uncle Sam and underpaid the State of Michigan. February 14, 2012 Happy Valentines Day.... This past weekend Michael, Tricia and Butch celebrated birthdays. We went to Weber's Saturday night for Butch's birthday and had a nice dinner. Webers has "almost" redeemed itself - the service and food was decent but certainly not in the "wow me" category (in my humble opinion). Michael and I stayed at home all day Sunday, kept warm in our sweats, and had comfort food for dinner - spaghetti, salad, warm garlic bread, topped off with chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert. Michael proclaimed it to be the perfect birthday as no effort was required on his part to get dressed to go out in the cold or be sociable.  February 8, 2012 Michael and I received an unexpected gift the other day from Rose's mother. She sent us a small Hawaiian "Mele Kalikimaka" poster with a note. It made me smile. It also made me wonder how we were described to Rose's mother... I am hoping Michael can (or should I say will) craft an artsy card we can send her in appreciation. We are still having mild winter weather. I can't help but think that even if we end up paying later this month for this reprieve from snow and sub zero temps, we still got off pretty well. Certainly lovin' it! Of course, those that love winter sports are probably singing another tune. I happened to be at my desk yesterday when the doctor called and as I suspected there really isn't a definitive answer for my menopausal issues. This particular doctor is retiring in June so I am not sure where that leaves me. But maybe it is a moot point and just doesn't really matter. For now, I am just going to drop my pursuit for answers. I have enough other aches and pains to whine about. February 6, 2012 Butch and I went to visit the parents yesterday. For someone as impatient as Dad, it must be difficult living with Mom. Not that he is always easy to live with either. She has to take things a bit more slowly - like steps, getting in and out of the car, etc. It makes me wonder what our future holds as we age. Fortunately, the house in Hawaii is one level so at least there won't be steps to maneuver. :-) This weekend is full of family birthdays and we will be giving Weber's a second chance to make a good impression. We got pretty testy the last time we celebrated a birthday there. Keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out. February 3, 2012 Oops, I missed Groundhog Day yesterday although I understand he saw his shadow so we will have six more weeks of winter. Has the groundhog ever not seen his shadow? We always have six more weeks of winter - it's February after all. That said, we haven't had much of a winter anyway... I received a phone message yesterday that my ultrasound was normal. I wish I had been at my desk though when the doctor called so I could have asked questions. I feel so dumb about all this (and more). So my regular doctor might have had the right attitude all along, there is nothing to discuss or be concerned about (unless you are the dumb patient). So, so glad it is Friday. January 30, 2012 I spent last week in Baton Rouge for a conference. Long, tiring week, it was good to return home to Michael and my own bed. Not sure how Kathy does it week after week. I went in for an ultrasound of my ovaries today. Not sure when I will get the results but for some reason I am not optimistic that it will lead to definitive answers. I feel defective sometimes as I seem to have a lot of health issues to worry about at the same time. Not that this is a unique situation for most older humans. Michael is pretty smart I guess - he makes sure he makes his health his first priority. I get thrown off track pretty easily. Sigh... January 25, 2012 I am really tired. January 15, 2012 I was thinking about that moment in time when I first became aware of Michael. Spring 1968, sitting on the bleachers by Kalani's track, faded jeans and light blue shirt, paisley belt... [my memory of this moment 44 years ago could be a little off]. I don't know when he first noticed me but there I was in grey sweatpants several sizes too large and a sweaty T-shirt doing calisthenics. My first real conversation with him took place at a track meet at Punahou. We were sitting on the slope overlooking the track. This time I had on my track uniform - white tank top with red trim and red shorts. It would be interesting to hear Michael's side of this. January 12, 2012 I just heard from Kathy that Aunt Thelma is getting her leg amputated tomorrow. I have no clue what her health issues are but it is a scary thought. The last time I saw her (4-5 years ago?) she seemed to be in pretty good health - in fact my perception was that she was in better health than Mom despite being older. Getting old sucks! I am glad tomorrow is Friday - I am really looking forward to the weekend. No special plans but I am incredibly tired today. I had one of those nights where I didn't fall asleep until after 2:30am. In fact I finally gave up at 2:00am and read for awhile. I've noticed my blood sugar levels are all out of whack today as well. And I am craving Wendy's. :-) On a more positive note and at the risk of being "such a mother", Sean got a nice write-up in Comic Alliance - Sean Brings a Smile to Tetsuo, Totoro and More [Art] The article includes several of his sketches. Nice... January 9, 2012 There are moments in our lives that make us smile. Sean gave me a heads up today that he and Rose are planning to move into a new place together in March. We really like Rose so for Michael and I this is good news and I am really happy for Sean. He has found someone he loves. She is definitely a "keeper" in my view. Things are really hectic at work - I leave for Baton Rouge on the 20th and will be gone a week. Things are starting to ramp up for the next conference, which is in April and I have a few smaller meetings in the works so it's a very busy time. But busy is an okay thing. I have been trying to get back into an exercise routine. When the temperatures dropped I switched from walking to riding the bike in the basement. I've been having some issues though with my heart rate monitor that I need to resolve. Between Donna and Celina I at least have some videos to watch. I am catching up on Twilight right now. A captivating love story as in I want to bite your neck... :-)  January 2, 2012 Happy Birthday Mom. Butch, April and I went to lunch at the Red Lobster with Mom and Dad today to celebrate Mom's 81st birthday. I ate too much and should not have ordered a drink but it seemed like a good idea at the time. :-) The little girls that live across the street from us are really cute and amusing and I just bought 8 boxes a Girl Scout cookies from them. I simply was helpless to resist. I return to work tomorrow and I guess I'm ready to go back but it was nice having some time off. I did feel like I should have done something around the house - like paint our bedroom. But apparently it was not meant to be.  I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person. (Funny quote on an e-card) It doesn't look like I recorded my resolution last year, which ironically was to be a better daughter, sibling, mother, and wife. This year I just want to stop being afraid and start living my life more fully. |