Santa goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, 'Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?' To this the man replies,
' Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,'Wash Basin'.

Restaurant Manager: ' Why are you looking worried?'
Chef: 'There are lot of ants in soup and other cooked food. I do not know what to do.'
Restaurant Manager: ' Don't worry. I will annownce that today we are having Chinese Food festival!'

A Girl to her boy friend
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Mohabat ek se hoti hai, hazaron se nahi
A Boy to his girl friend
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
Mohabat agar ek se hogi hai, to hazaron ka kya hoga

There was a farmer who grew watermellons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermellon patch at night and eat his watermellons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: 'Warning! One of the watermellons in this field has been injected with cyanide.'
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermellons are missing, but the sign next to his read: 'Now there are two!!!'

Once a doctor went to a mental hospital. he was walking by a room and saw a guy holding his ear to the wall, so the doc went to that guy and pushed him aside and tried to listen so the doc put his ear against the wall and said i don't hear anything. that guy slaped the doctor and said i'm listening to this wall for 20 years i don't hear anything you just came and how the hell can you hear something.

A man walks into the bar really depressed.
The bartender asks him what his problem is.
“My dog just died and the damn vet charged me Rs 10,500.”
Says the bartender: “Wow, that is pretty high. What did the vet do?”
“Not much. I took the dog in there and told him, you got to help him Doc, this is the best dog I have ever had. The vet pokes at him for a few minutes and says, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.’ I said ‘Come on doc, this is my best dog, there’s got to be something you can do.’ The vet says, ‘OK, we can try one more thing.’ He goes over to this cage and grabs this cat and brings it over to the dog and swings it around the dog’s head. The vet says, ‘sorry but he’s gone. That’ll be Rs 10,500.’ I said, ‘What! Rs 10,500 to declare the dog dead?” He says, ‘Yeah. Rs 500 for the office visit and Rs 10,000 for the CAT scan.”

Scene: A woman comes to Ajit for suggesting a name/s for her kids .
Woman: Sir , mein apne ladke ka naam kya rakhoon?
Ajit: Iskaa naam Peter rakh do!
Woman: Mera doosra ladkaa bhi hai , jo iskaa twin hai. Mein uskaa naam kya rakhoon?
Ajit: Uskaa naam Repeter rakh do!

Mike is causing trouble and Ajit and Robert are discussing it.
Robert: Bass !!! Mike humein jeene nahin dega !!
Ajit: Koi Baat Nahin, Robert, Usey CHAMPAGNE mein bhigo do, SHAME usey jeene nahin dega aur PAIN usey marney nahin dega... ha ha ha

Robert: Boss, is peter ke bacche ne hamare saath gaddari ki hai.
Ajit: Robert , usay revalving chair me bita dho, patha chal jayega ki 'chakkar' kya hai..

A Young couple moved into a new house. The wife was attractive but aloof. Being unable to hold out any longer, the eager neighbour once spotted her hanging her washing, and said " Behenji, your cow has eaten up my marigolds."
"That can't be true," protested the pretty neighbour. " We don't have a cow."
" I don't have marigolds either," replied the smart aleck, "but I don't like so much distance between neighbours."

Young lady: “My husband is always telling me to go to hell. I would like to know if I could legally take my children with me.”

Santa and Banta opened a restaurant and placed a sign outside the restaurant - Closed 4 hours a day.
Simply because they knew numbering up to 3 only.

Mrs Santa travelling by a DTC bus with her nine childern who occupied seats all over the bus. An irate lady passenger admonished her: ' Behenji, apnee raizgaree sambhall leejiye.' ( Please collect your small change.)
Mr Santa snapped back: ' Aisey lagta hai abhee aap ka note toota nahin.' ( It appears your currency note is still intact.)

Banta Singh saw an exhausted Santa Singh running up to him.
What happened to you Santaji?"
"There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today."
"Oh really, what happened?"
"I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive!He almost got me!"
"So, how'd you get away?"
"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"That"s scary Santaji. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all over the place."
"Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"

1. Santa singh comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

2. Santa singh bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Santa singh got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"


5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Santa: They were 4 best friends..!



6. Banta to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Banta: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.




. Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!


9 . Santa with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"



10 . Santa falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."



11. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Santa ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.



12. Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!

13 . Santa's Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Santa: Why are you praying for that?
Santa's Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

Santa is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

**********************
Banta calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says Banta and hangs up.

**********************
Our Santa was filling up an application form for
a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS
etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He
was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought
he wrote:Yes

**********************
Santa proposes to a woman. She says; yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting
crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile,
checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and again barefoot!"

**********************
A Santa goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks
the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a
thermos flask."
The Santa then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The Santa says, "I'll take it!"

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His Santa's boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object
with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"

He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Santa replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

**********************


Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh
replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would
take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get
developed." All the surds became happy at this very simple solution but
an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

**********************
Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.

**********************
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

**********************

hat do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-Beer Singh ('T' silent!).
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.

**********************
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning
storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
**********************

Once santa singh was travelling on a train. He
felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to
wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he
felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the
station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he
went to wash his face, and suddenly he screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

**********************
Banta singh is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Banta
says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took
the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours
the Banta figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Banta
is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy
the clock."Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
**********************
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor
asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a
shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally
picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But ..what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

**********************
Santa Singh( a Sardar from Jalandhar.. they are the one who smoke, despite the religious ban) tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest
pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

**************************
Banta sees lot of guys running on the highway.
Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're
doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

************************************************** ************
Banta came to Madras and wanted to do
shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told him that
the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for
half the price.
Banta went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor
told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can
give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.
Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar
bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally
vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo
free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

**********************
Banta buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
Banta says, "I want my $20 million."The man replied,
"No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million
today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the
next 19 years."
Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it
and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that
day and the rest during the next 19 years.
Banta, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my
money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million
right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

**********************
Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with
the tip of his index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh
replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my
face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth
and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth
straightened.
So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this
is going
to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my
other ear
before I pulled the trigger.

**********************
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were
returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Sngh was occupying the
lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most
berth in the train.
When train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son
requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice cream to
which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a
South INdian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE
requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if
Santha Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa
explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife not giving berth to my child".

**********************
A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks
it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

**********************
How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

**********************
Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.

**********************
Sardar,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the
desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,
because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of
the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the
radiator, the British took the seat, and the Sardar took the
door.

After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm
confused, why did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese
responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid."

Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the
seat?" So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the
sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."

Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the
door.The Sardar quickly responded to this question,
"Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

*********************
Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" came first...