When I got to AA, I was full of resentments but didn't know it because I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I hated just about everybody for one reason or another. I eventually ran into a rather strange member in LA, a self-proclaimed mind reader, who diagnosed my case, saying also that I was burning up with anger and resentment, telling me, "Anger is a drug. Think about that." I did as I walked around thinking about what he had told me and happened upon a church he said he would like to meet me at, at just the time he wanted me to be there. We went to a restaurant where he wrote a list of ten individuals and groups that I had particular resentments against on the back of a doggy bag, and this prayer on another: My loving Father, In Jesus name I wish________ Your healing spirit, Health, Fullness of joy, No war in his/her heart, A grateful heart, Spiritual and material prosperity And sadness and forgiveness for whatever he/she may have done wrong. I immediately objected to the Jesus part as I said I was more of a Buddhist, to which his answer was, "IT'S MY PRAYER!" so I still say it, when I feel a resentment coming on, although now I'm a Bahai. He advised me to picture the resentees in certain ways as I say it, such as being blest head to toe or in a flash car full of money and explained that, in the last line, I am not saying that the person has done anything harm but just wishing that they would repent and be forgiven if they had. He told me to say it for each resentee several times day for two weeks whether I meant it or not, and I found that both my anger and resentments began to cool so I could get on with trying to stay sane as well as sober. The most useful thing I have heard about resentments is that holding them is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die. |