Although I have been sober and reasonably sane for many years, I had not come to think of myself as emotionally mature. I recall hearing a guy say that he didn't have a happy childhood but he had a long one, and could identify with that. In some of my early meetings, someone read the Step 6 Promises and doubted they would ever be fulfilled for me. But then, a few years later, found that this had happened, although not in the ways I thought that might happen. It may be the same here. Changes have come so slowly that I don't feel all that different than when I was a newcomer, but the world and the rest of the people in if have gotten a lot nicer over the years and reality has become something I have no problems with accepting and just adjusting to a day at a time. I have gotten out of the center of the universe and just handle what comes my way as they come along. I have found some worthwhile things to do and am no longer very concerned about my own interests or how I am feeling. I've found that happiness comes when I no longer care if I'm happy. When I start to feel upset or uncomfortable about something now, I tend to look at my attitudes and find that they are not as rational, practical or positive as they could be. Reality had become a refuge rather than a threat. I can now sustain gratitude and not just take things for granted. I guess I live a lot of my life through habit now, mostly good ones that a pretty easy to maintain. When things don't happen as I might accept, that just adds a bit of spice to life. Life now seems almost too good to be true, but I accept that it is. Devonport, Tasmania, where I life, seems like paradise to me and I have have come to realise that, if my attitudes and outlook on life are really positive and sane, and I am leading a good and sober life, most places on earth might well seem that way to me now. I once though that being happy and content on an almost continual basis was impossible on this earth, but this has come true for me in the last few years. There are a lot of aspects of life were we all eventually go over the hill, but this is not the case for developing emotional maturity and other aspect of spiritual growth where there seems to be not limit. I used to think that I wouldn't want to be 100% sane as I rather enjoy my quirks, but now think it would be rather nice, but I guess we will always be " all here because we are not all there." |