I recently saw something about addiction on my TV in which someone said we lack the tools for everyday living in reality. I have come to see living by the 12 Steps as a matter of getting those tools, learning how to use them, and then, most importantly, hard wiring the habits we need in order to keep using them into ourselves. This seems to be a disease that tells
people they don't have it. Then, after we are finally able to accept that we do, tells them they are cured. I feel that the main reason I am still here after 35 years is that I never got to the point where I felt that I was cured and no longer needed God, the program and the fellowship we share. I am still getting to four meetings a week, admittedly something that is pretty easy to do in retirement, and like to travel to go to meetings elsewhere at least every year or so. I pray daily and like to take walks which gets me out into fresh air and sunlight and provides me with a bit of mobile meditation as well as exercise. I have a few constructive hobbies that I enjoy, and I try to live by the principles found in the steps as well as continuing to use them. I show up where and when I feel I should and try to do the next right thing a day at a time. I try to keep my attitudes healthy and practice wisdom to be found in the Serenity Prayer. I try to listen to my conscience, knowing that God can speak through it when necessary. I stay happy and content when I continue to do these things, knowing that reality could well start turning ugly if I fail to keep doing so. Doing that has become quite enjoyable if not a lot easier. A topic in one of my email groups was Another Day in Paradise. I was a bit surprised to find that those who put a lot of time and effort into working the program felt they lived in paradise whether they lived in city or village, mountain or seashore, forest or desert. I have sometimes said that I felt I got into recovery at just the right time, before I blew my resume and after I got out of Illinois in major attempt at a geographical cure by moving to Australia. What I read on that topic showed me that I would have eventually have found paradise in Illinois if I'd stayed there. It seems to be something we find on the inside that transforms the world we see around us into paradise, wherever it is. Finding real contentment in life seems to be a matter of getting out of the center of the universe and dealing with what is in front of me right now, as well as accepting everything about myself, the past and the world around me. There are times when this is easier said than done, and may also be something that can be overdone, something I still tend to do from time to time. I can be in the here and now to the extent where I become apathetic to what is happening in the rest of the world and accept myself to the point where I am resistant to change.
I would have lived in meetings if I could in my earlier days as they were the only places where my head would slow to tolerable speed and where I felt fairly safe. After going to an average of about ten meetings a week for my first three years, while trying to turn pro working for a rehab, I saw a sign that said, "Ships are safe in harbors, but that's not what ship's are built for." Many of us need to shelter in AA while finding ways to get onto the Steps and get used to life without alcohol before being able to function in the world outside of meetings. But a ship that sails out after refitting in port but receives no further maintainence will become a pretty dangerous place to be after a while.
For me the keys to maintainence are honesty, persistence and maintaining good habits like getting to meetings, prayer, meditation and trying to keep doing the next right things as I go through each day. If the reward for living a good and sober life is a good and sober life, there should be no problem with finding motivations and motives to keep going. As long as I keep doing what I do, I have no fears of getting crazy enough to drink again, with reality being something I have no trouble adjusting to. But it does seem to be a good idea to remember that there are no guarantees if I don't.
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