I recall that, in my early years in sobriety in Sydney, one of the guys with about the most sobriety used to say that he would rather have 20 years less sobriety and be 20 years sober. He eventually committed suicide and that has sometimes had me wondering if there was a connection between the two things. While I could instantly change my sober status if God and I let me get crazy enough to do that, it is clear that my age is something I cannot change. I can only do something about my actions and attitudes in the now. I saw a sign a few months ago that said that, while we all grow old, growing up is optional. And becoming an older timer is simply a matter of not drinking and not dying. It has been said that youth is wasted on the young, perhaps mostly because they fail to appreciate it. Aging can mean becoming wiser, emotionally mature and allows time for spiritual growth, but also means going over the hill in a few ways as we approach our body's use by date. Still we can try to do the best we can with what we have, making the most of each day.There is no ideal stage in life and we might as well enjoy where we are, living as well as letting others live as they choose. I am nearly 64 now and actually feel better than I ever have before, mostly as a result of being able to deal with an overeating problem I've had most of my life. I am now able to eat three truly sensible meals a day and avoid taking in calories between them. It took a while for this to start working a couple years ago bit it seems pretty simple and easy to me now, with no sense of self-deprivation. My doctor's only concern was cholesterol, and we just found that the Lipitor he prescribed cut that in half. He said that, health wise, I was odds on to go for another 30 years. I can't quite picture that, and have mixed feelings about it, but that was true of the age I am at now some years ago, and I have found that the five years since I moved here to retire have been the happiest in my life, so I see no problem as long as just try to enjoy where I am. I don't fear death. That would be like a caged bird fretting over seeing his cage fall apart, not relishing the freedom that will give him. Death is a messenger of joy for those living in bodies that are no longer worth living in. Scope for spiritual growth and finding contentment in life is unlimited, but my body has a use by date. I suppose that most of us have come to see it as a portal to another sort of life better than life in this world, but perhaps the problem is that it is hard to see how anybody could know for sure about that. But with the lives we have lived in sobriety, we have little reason to fear the fires of Hell and most would feel they have been there anyway. If it did turn out thatdeath is only dreamless sleep, that isn't such a bad thing either. I recall someone saying that "the reward for living a good and sober life is a good and sober life." |