I've now been sober for half the time that AA has been around here in Australia. At first I did this so that I would have time to sort out my problems before getting back to drinking. Then it was to deal with a weird mental illness that I now know was alcoholism in hope that things would start getting better, as I had come to see that there was no hope in going back to drinking. Then it was because life was OK, and even pretty nice some of the time, if I kept doing the things I had found that I needed to do to maintain my sanity as well as sobriety. Now I do those things gratefully and happily to maintain I level of contentment that I didn't think was possible even a few years ago. Staying sober is easy in the sense that any idiot can do it, but it is far from effortless, never a completed process. It seems to me that the most important qualities for maintaining sobriety are honesty with self and persistance. Life in sobriety is a marathon, not a sprint, and nobody knows where the finish line is. We just keep loping along. I have always been a loner and live by myself. I tend to make rules for myself and generally obey them, making that into habits that become easy to maintain. One of those is that I figure that it is OK for me to go into one of the gaming lounges found all over here and put $3 into a slot machine, losing no more than that and getting out if I have had a reasonable run and have gotten at least my money back. Last Friday, before a meeting I go to in Burnie, about a 35 minute drive west of here, I blew $5 for no real reason and walked out of there asking myself why I did that. The answer was, "I wanted to show myself who's boss." I tend to make rules for myself and then the rebel streak in me wants to break them from time to time. Now this just seems to be one of the interesting quirks in my stillalcoholic nature, perhaps an illustration the saying, "If you can learn to laugh at yourself, you have a lifetime of entertainment." I have been retired for over five years ago but have found that my life is still busy and meaningful, doubting whether I would be able to find time for work now. My time in sobriety has at times been difficult and frustrating, but, looking back, it was wonderful. It began as an adventure and now is a life I am contented and comfortable with. It stillm seems hard to believe that it could get even better, but past experience seems to say that it could. |