 Features Editor and Staff Reporter _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Meet John. John is a typical high school senior in a suburban town. Of course, near the end of every year, there is prom, the greatest night of any young couple’s life. Now meet Jane. Jane is a typical high school senior as well, and Jane and John have been dating for three whole weeks. Jane is thrilled for prom, and every day she sits in class, anticipating the imminent prom proposal from John. John has no clue what to do. Every other boy in his grade has come up with the most creative and innovative way of asking out his respective date. Jimmy from 4th period hired a pilot to fly his plane over the school during lunch, spelling out his girlfriend’s name in the sky. Her name is Alexandria Cecelia Saskatina. How can John compete with that? John is left-brained and uncreative. Meanwhile, Jane is stressing about John’s hesitance to ask her to prom. All of Jane’s friends have been asked already. Not only is Jane worried about not having a date, but she is nervous that she will not have enough time to alter her dress, which is at least three inches too long. The dress that she is planning to wear to prom is her fourth choice; her first three choices are on backorder and stuck behind a giant volcanic eruption that has halted every flight from France. Meet Bob. Bob, John’s best friend, likes Jane. A lot. This makes things more complicated for John. However, due to current Man Laws, Bob is prohibited from hitting on Jane until after the standard two-week mourning period if and when John and Jane break up. Because of this newfound information about Bob, John’s relationship with Jane becomes even more awkward than it already is. John still has not come up with a plan to ask Jane to prom. Jane is becoming more insecure by the minute. It is the week before prom. Tickets are on sale, and still neither John nor Jane are certain about his or her date situation. When asked who she is going with, Jane replies with a quiet and embarrassed, “Uh, John, I think…” to which the reaction is a simple, “Oh.” While sitting in anatomy class, John stares at his half-dissected frog when suddenly an idea comes to mind. He is going to plant a note inside a currently intact frog. When Jane comes to class next period to dissect her frog, John will arrange for the anatomy teacher, Mr. Skinanbones, to assign Jane to that specific frog. When she cuts the frog open, the note inside will read, “I’d be so hoppy if you would join me for prom! Love, John.” It’s foolproof. While John is planning his epic frog surprise, Jane is in English class worrying about everything from the cost/availability of the limo to the number of people planning to be in their group. Today, Jane’s English class is watching Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.” Jane is desperately wishing that John would do something romantic like Romeo. She walks to anatomy, fantasizing about John climbing her balcony and speaking in sweet Old English prose. As her scalpel digs into the frog’s sternum, she looks into the body cavity to find an abnormality. A note from John, crumpled into the frog, is waiting for her. She screams, then faints and hits her head on the corner of the lab table. Not only is she going to prom, she is going to prom with a large, purple bruise on her forehead. On the bright side, it matches her dress. And so the asking, ticket buying, limo booking, and group finalizing is finished. Prom has finally arrived, and the awkwardness begins the second the group meets at Jane’s house. After the pictures are taken, they pile into the limo. Space is tight, so John and Jane are sitting almost on top of each other. Dying to fill the awkward silence, John begins small talk. “So, nice weather, huh?” says John. “Yeah, John, it’s sunny outside,” replies Jane. “Yeah,” says John. The conversational portion of the evening has ended. During the five-minute limo ride to prom, John thinks about holding Jane’s hand multiple times, but he secretly has a fear of public displays of affection. Jane, on the other hand, finds herself wishing John would somehow display his affection for her, perhaps by taking her hand. At the end of the limo ride, the members of the group dash into the hotel, flash their tickets and IDs, and hurry in to sit down to a delicious but over-priced dinner. Again, the conversations are short and awkward, but when the music starts and Jane and John began to dance, they find themselves smiling and actually having a great time. The night wears on, and prom ends. As the weeks and months pass, Jane and John grow apart, and they finally break up. Looking back, they know they will always have prom and the cherished memories of its overrated mediocrity. Was it worth the stress? Who will ever know? Oh, and Jane started dating Bob two weeks after she broke up with John. |