GEORGIA DUDE (age 31)
See also his fuller biography on this site

I have told 3 people about my interest in orthopedic braces to date; all were women who I was involved with including my current wife. The first didn’t take it too well… she told me I was sick and eventually told me that if I wanted to continue the relationship then I’d have to talk to a shrink about it. So I went for it, I’d actually wanted to for a while anyways. Yeah that was pretty much a waste of time. He was like ”So, just wear some braces then. Who will it hurt?” He also kept trying to pin it on my mother and we got nowhere with that, I just couldn’t make a connection. Either way it was a fruitless affair… as was the relationship. The second one I told took it pretty hard too but eventually came around. She was kinda kinky in the bedroom anyways so she semi-accepted it. I eventually rounded up a thermoplastic KAFO (eBay) and we actually took a few trips out of town where she let me pretend though I never really felt like she truly accepted it. Eventually, due to other reasons that relationship ended. Finally I told #3 after much debating as I cared for her very much. It took so long to get it out she thought I was going to tell her something horrible about myself or even dump her. She actually responded with a bit of relief and sort of a “that doesn’t seem like a big deal” attitude. Phew!! Since then she’s been very understanding and accommodating, though she has a hard time understanding it (of course I don’t understand it either!). However she’s gotten a bit into it and can kinda relate to it in a bondage sort of way so it works. I’ve since acquired several braces including a custom metal/leather afo and I’m about to move on a kafo to match. She’s totally into having some “weekends away”; she knows she’ll not only get a night out but great sex as well! In fact if we weren’t so active and outdoorsy I’d probably go full time and have her blessings but we’re just not ready to give up so many of the fun things we share together. I do feel that if I was to somehow become disabled that I would be much more accepting of it and be able to happily get on with my life despite the disability. I’d never go out and hurt myself though. I have a ton of respect for other disabled people having felt just a hint of what they live with and would wish it upon no one. In fact I don’t really like seeing disabled people in public as it mostly brings feelings of guilt, it’s hard for me to admire the braces without thinking about the wearer’s suffering. Yet somehow I still fantasize about putting braces on every morning and leading my life as a disabled person. I’ve ultimately come to fully accept my feelings and have learned to live with them and even have fun with it with the help and understanding of my loving wife.

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DSW

I kept my secret from my last girlfriend for years, and once we got the internet and I discovered all the sites that helped me so much, she found out by accident. She was utterly devastated. I told her I'd try to stop but didn't, and later she stumbled upon my stash of orthopedic appliances and then took them all to the dump while I waas at work. Needless to say this caused a great deal of stress on our relationship. She made me feel dirty and disgusted with myself, because of her inability to deal with it. I eventually left due to other reasons, but this did play a part in it.

When I started dating my wife, one night I just came out and told her after about 3 months of dating. I figured better to tell her then instead of wait til a lot of time and emotion was invested only to have it go south over my desires. Much to my surprise, she was very receptive to the idea and I think was intrigued by it. She asked lots of questions and i eventually showed her some sites on the web so she could learn even more. I don't have to hide it from her at all. To her it's as much a part of me as my eyes and hair. We've been together for 7 years now and I feel very lucky to have found such a wonderful
open minded person.

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TOM

The short answer to your question is NO (ed - i.e. Tom has not told a significant other)

However, some in this group have experienced sharing this unique interest with a spouse/partner -- including me.

I have some suggestions based on my experience.

First of all before you try to share something that is very personal and likely sexual you could understand as much as you can about your own feelings about your desires. In spite of what many will not admit -- the desire to use for oneself or the desire to observe and interact with another who uses braces is based upon a sexual aspect. Of the scientific studies conducted, not just with braces but including braces, prosthetics; disabilities and the appliances associated with disabilities all point to the sexual aspect. Until you accept and are comfortable with your own desire -- you should not attempt to include a spouse in those desires.

Ask yourself why you want leg braces? What do they represent for you, is it the braces that you desire or the underlying reason that braces are used?  What sort of fantasies do you have regarding brace?

I found that the more I knew about my own desire and feelings about the desire, the easier it was to share with someone else. Once I became comfortable with my desires, I found that the fear of others knowing about them diminished. Unfortunately, as a culture, we have generally been conditioned to think of braces, and the reason for them, as a negative aspect. Think of how your parents may have said to you something like, "That is a shame that he/she cannot walk . . . ." when you observed a brace using child or adult and pointed them out.  Without realizing it they were planting the negative image of braces to you.  Could you imagine how differently we may feel if as a child you parents were to say, "Look at that little cripple girl, isn't she fortunate to have braces." and they were saying this in a positive tone?  Instead of the March of Dimes presenting pictures of brace wearing kids in the `50's with polio and characterizing those children as 'poor' and unable to have fun that the posters revealed how the kids were so happy that they had braces on their legs and that having a leg that was shorter, smaller than their other one was desirable and considered a positive aspect.

The point I am trying to make is that many of us have been and some continue to be ashamed of our desire for braces. For those who are attracted to the braces user - there is a certainly a component of envy about the brace using person.

On top of the image that braces convey negative there is the next point that society has cast in that over all sex is something that should be hidden. Much of this comes from the dogma of some religions but is pervasive throughout society - although sex is used to promote all sorts of things - but the promotion of sex for sex is taboo!

Couple this with what most, if not all are experience - that seeing, being, thinking about, relating with disabilities and the appliances of disabilities is sexually pleasing. Oh, many will deny that what they feel is sexual and pleasant. I have yet to hear, in all the years I have moderated groups and talked to others who share this interest -- that the experience of  seeing, being, thinking about, relating with disabled persons and the appliances of disability is NOT pleasant and it hurts them!  Other than some frustration felt because of the inability to experience the desire that is the only negative aspect there is to it.

Unfortunately, so many of us with this unique interest, just like people with any other interest, have difficulty really defining what exactly it is that is the unique interest. One means of resolving that is to in fact talk to others, including spouse/partners about our feelings. Again, I draw upon experience, I have never talked to anyone who shares these unique interest who has said that the interest is not real. I have have met and talked to many who just will not admit they have this unique interest.  One, comes to mind -- he insisted he was not really interested in female arm amputees that he was solely joining an amputee BBS, collecting pictures of female arm amputees -- solely for the purpose of research in writing a book. Strange that after knowing this person who continues to say he has no personal interest in female amputees that he actively pursues his so called research and he has yet to even start the book!  What this is, is basic denial of his own reality.

I know that I and other here will tell you -- stop denying that you are attracted to braces or brace users and start embracing your desires so that life is good. If you truly are one of the uniquely interested - devotee's some like to call themselves then stop denying it and start enjoying it. Of all of the friends and spouse I have told of my desire for brace using women, none of them have rejected me, we still remain as before I told them.  What is important is that I have not lost any friends or the spouse because of my desire. 

Telling an intimate friend -- e.g. spouse/partner is vastly different and carriers more risk but with added risk there is virtually always a greater reward. What if telling a spouse/partner resulted in better intimate relations? What if you were so lucky to have a spouse/partner that had not revealed a similar desire to yours and now that you both know the relationship increased? 

In my own experiences, I have learned one must guard against forgetting that while a partner may accept your desire - it is very likely that it will NOT be a desire of theirs. Therefore, you must respect their feelings too and not overwhelm them with something that may be consuming for you.

So, did all of this help? Who knows? If nothing else, maybe it will prompt others to offer their own experiences and opinions.

ROGER

It is not easy to open up to spouses/partners, but it is absolutely necessary if your relationship is to be an honest one that will survive and flourish. Hidden secrets are not a good idea in the long run. Also, telling your nearest and dearest is normally a great weight removed.

Even if the partner does not "embrace" ones wish to "enjoy" braces one would hope that someone you are close to will, at the very least, accept how important it is to you and come to some sort of accommodation.

My wife of over 38 years (reluctantly) accepts I have my interest in leg-braces, but does not understand why. She would be unhappy if I bought braces to use myself. At times, she will use talk of me or others, but not herself, in leg-braces as a fantasy for me during our love making.

Incidentally, her mother had a stroke late in life and as a result was severely disabled and used a leather/ steel AFO for some years. She also remembers, as a young girl, having a friend's child to stay one night who used KAFOs and how this child was the centre of attention and pity. In my wife's mind, calipers are for REAL disabled people only. She would much prefer it if I was "normal"!

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INDIAN CRICKETER

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