Just
for reference I’m 31 years old, totally straight, and happily married
to a non-disabled person. Unlike most I can’t seem to recall a specific
moment from my childhood that programmed me to be fascinated with orthopedic
appliances. I missed the polio era by nearly 30 years so sightings have
been very rare for me indeed, it seemed to start around age 7-8 with
a mild fascination with bandages, then casts, I also recall being quite
interested in orthodontic braces. My interest seemed to increase as
I learned of the existence of progressively more complex braces. I do
remember my first significant metal/leather kafo sighting though I must
have been 10 or so and my bracing interests were fairly well developed
but I had no idea such complex braces existed until then. I didn’t
really know what to think but I recon it scared me more than anything.
He caught me staring and just returned a kind smile but I quickly turned
away in embarrassment and tried to deal with the flood of emotions.
I really did think I was the only person in the world with this bizarre condition and this really ate at me until age 14 or 15 when I finally discovered like-minded people existed via the Internet. Wow, what a relief!! If I was crazy at least there were others in my boat too! Really it turned into an amazing experience of self-discovery and acceptance, I finally felt free to explore my feelings. Of course the flip side of that was that my feelings became much stronger but at least I was working towards an understanding. I also started trying to obtain or make braces and like most went through a couple denial type things where tossed all of it only to give in again. As far as my real world experiences go I broke my arm sometime around age15 and got to wear a splint and cast for a couple months and loved every minute of it. Also I was getting into sports and started to work on a knee “injury” though it only got me some neoprene supports which yielded minimal satisfaction. Finally at age 21 or so I truly did hurt my knee…torn ACL. It hurt like hell! However the silver lining was a custom carbon fiber sports brace, which I still use during sports, and despite the severe pain of the ordeal plus nagging aches and pains to this day I still enjoy wearing it. I have told 3 people about my condition to date; all were women who I was involved with including my current wife. The first didn’t take it too well… she told me I was sick and eventually told me that if I wanted to continue the relationship then I’d have to talk to a shrink about it. So I went for it, I’d actually wanted to for a while anyways. Yeah that was pretty much a waste of time. He was like ”So, just wear some braces then. Who will it hurt?” He also kept trying to pin it on my mother and we got nowhere with that, I just couldn’t make a connection. Either way it was a fruitless affair… as was the relationship. The second one I told took it pretty hard too but eventually came around. She was kinda kinky in the bedroom anyways so she semi-accepted it. I eventually rounded up a thermoplastic kafo (ebay) and we actually took a few trips out of town where she let me pretend though I never really felt like she truly accepted it. Eventually, due to other reasons that relationship ended. Finally I told #3 after much debating as I cared for her very much. It took so long to get it out she thought I was going to tell her something horrible about myself or even dump her. She actually responded with a bit of relief and sort of a “that doesn’t seem like a big deal” attitude. Phew!! Since then she’s been very understanding and accommodating, though she has a hard time understanding it (of course I don’t understand it either!). However she’s gotten a bit into it and can kinda relate to it in a bondage sort of way so it works. I’ve since acquired several braces including a custom metal/leather afo and I’m about to move on a kafo to match. She’s totally into having some “weekends away”; she knows she’ll not only get a night out but great sex as well! In fact if we weren’t so active and outdoorsy I’d probably go full time and have her blessings but we’re just not ready to give up so many of the fun things we share together. I do feel that if I was to somehow become disabled that I would be much more accepting of it and be able to happily get on with my life despite the disability. I’d never go out and hurt myself though. I have a ton of respect for other disabled people having felt just a hint of what they live with and would wish it upon no one. In fact I don’t really like seeing disabled people in public as it mostly brings feelings of guilt, it’s hard for me to admire the braces without thinking about the wearer’s suffering. Yet somehow I still fantasize about putting braces on every morning and leading my life as a disabled person. I’ve ultimately come to fully accept my feelings and have learned to live with them and even have fun with it with the help and understanding of my loving wife. |