I've been thinking a lot about happiness....what makes a person happy, how long the feeling lasts and is happiness special because it is fleeting or do some people live in a constant state of bliss? I grew up in a house where children were to be seen and not heard....i spent a lot of time on my own and remember feelings of longing to be a part of a group or to be someone's best friend....to have someone to talk to....just to feel safe....I used to ride my bike around my neighborhood and see groups of girls playing or talking together and would wonder to myself "how do I become a part of that kind of group"? I was painfully shy and would never approach anyone so it was rare that I would make a friend.... My house, though extremely large and comfortable was not inviting to children.....my father was a psychoanalyst and saw patients in his home office in the afternoon so we weren't allowed to make noise and needed to avoid being out front because part of psychoanalysis involves the patient knowing very little about the doctor's personal life.....my mom was in school most of the time and we had a woman who lived with us but her job was to clean and keep order but not to play....or serve a snack so we didn't have friends over very often.....when something went wrong in my life (a bad grade, hurt feelings, a lost toy)....I would either "suck it up" or solve the problem on my own....I rarely went to my parents for help because children's problems like that were just not important.... When I had my own children I was overwhelmed with love for them....I honestly wasn't expecting that having not seen that growing up.....I did EVERYTHING humanly possible to insure their constant happiness and our house was and still is the place where all of their friends want to be ......My children freely admit that their childhoods were some of the happiest that they know of....BUT....maybe that isn't realistic.....because when things don't go well for them now....and I can't or (more recently) won't fix the problem for them....they kind of fall apart.....not permanently but enough that they suffer....when they get their hearts broken...I can't fix that, as much as I may want to.....and I have had to explain to them that life is sometimes difficult and often you have to suffer.....that for every moment of happiness there may be one or more of unhappiness and there is no magic solution for that.....two of them are absolutely incredulous that I can't wave a magic wand and make everything okay, perfect and easy for them....I'm happy that they think I'm capable of fixing things and even though it's unrealistic I wish I could take care of them and fix everything that comes along but I can't and that leads me to wonder.....did I do them a disservice by constantly being there or making their path so smooth....I don't know...I'm not sure what the balance is...I don't get a do-over and I'm not sure if I would change much if I did......

2.5.2011 Yesterday i finished my first 365 project! Today i woke up... and the thought that bothered me for a whole year: "i need to do a photo today" still bothered me. I said to myself that it was the end, but apparently, that thought grew into me too deeply. Thus, a whole new year awaits me! The experience i had from the first year is too much to put into words. I will try to be more creative, more challenging and will try all my best not to skip days in the new 365 project! wish me luck! ^^v ps. i know i overdid the dry brush. but the quality of the original photo was so horrible that better too much dry brush on it :/