I heard the click, it was an unfamiliar one. I had known the door knob was broken, typically it never latched. You could just push the door open and closed, but today was different. I ignored the sound at first. I didn't notice the full circumstances of the situation until the urge to smoke one more cigarette (my last) arrived in my head. I grabbed my last smoke, and lighter and reached for the handle. I turned it, which was unusual in itself. Usually I just pull the door open, but I had noted the peculiarity from earlier so I figured I'd give it a bit more initiative. At this point I realized turning the knob no longer pulled the latch out of the hole carved so imperfectly into the frame. No big deal, door knobs break all the time. My course of action was fluent; grab a screwdriver (have one handed to me under the door), unscrew the knob, pull the faulty (piece of shit) knob off, exit the room, and smoke a cigarette. Unfortunately, it didn't happen like that. After removing the handle and exposing the actual mechanism, as well as having a few busted components from the inside of the handle litter the floor, I realized I had more than a basic problem. Somehow the latch had become lodged in its corresponding slot. Easy enough, get some pliers, pull it out. Nope. That would have been too easy. Nothing I tried worked to remove this faulty door knob (piece of shit) from it's rightful slot. I wanted my fucking cigarette and the situation's blatant denial of logic didn't help. I was one-hundred percent trapped in my room as it stood. The thought occurred to me, but I tossed it aside in lieu of my... Last resort, take the fucker off it's hinges. This should fix this unexplainable problem once and for all. Then I could smoke my damned last cigarette. This idea was flawless; pull the pins out, pull the door out of my way. SMOKE CIGARETTE. I suppose this is where most people would believe the story ended, I pulled the pins out, the door came off without any problems and I smoked my last cigarette in peace after an unexplainable encounter with a fucked door knob, right? You'd be wrong to assume that. The door stayed there, on it's hinges, after the pins had been pulled out. All logic was thrown from the window. A small state of utter confusion overtook me. Every last thing I tried to remove this fucking obstacle/door failed, miserably. This was the first time I considered crawling out of my window, just so I could smoke my cigarette and gather my senses. I door breech kicked the door a few times. Nothing. I was trapped, and there was no reasonable explanation. How had such an event befallen me? I went from a civilized human being, to a caged animal without even knowing it. I grabbed my phone, I had given up on getting out through my door. I send a quick text to Ashley, she'd find humor in such a predicament. I sit on my bed. I contemplate crawling out my window, would doing so be admitting defeat? Had a simple situation such as a door knob breaking really been able to defeat me? My mom fiddles with the latch, which had so long ago proved to me it was impossibly wedged in it's place. Seconds later it falls to the ground, and my door falls off it's hinges. I finish my text to Ashley, utterly astonished at everything that past twenty to thirty minutes had taught me, in it's ever so subtle way. I walk outside, there's squirrels eating birdseed on the sidewalk. I start snapping photos of them until they eventually run off, away from our cat. My cigarette lays on the ground next to me, unsmoked. A few flakes of snow float down from the heavens. What a beautiful spring day.

... Well, I stripped the hell out of that phillips screw. Scott, those are the types of things you're supposed to tell me about when I ask you if there are any "gotchas." You're supposed to say, "ah, yes, be careful on those door handle screws; it's easy to strip the head on those." Any ideas? I tried a bunch of different screwdrivers on it. Had a small bit of luck with a tiny flathead but couldn't get enough of a hold to turn it out.