Gay pride is about family love, not sex

When we go to Gay Pride Festivals, the amount of concentration on sex can be truly sad. There are people dressed in exposing outfits and holding up crude signs. Some pass out condoms and other sexual paraphernalia. Others are openly cruising, making crass sexual comments about each other or grabbing each other's bodies as they walk by. Certainly this is not everyone, not by a long shot, but it happens enough so that a casual observer might very well be inclined to think that being gay is all about sex.

Someone needs to stand up and say, "Hey!! This is not what gay pride is about! This is not what people had in mind when they wanted 'gay liberation!' " When we think of gay liberation, we should know that it is not about the freedom to screw whoever we want. It is about the freedom to fall in love with and share our lives with another person of the same gender, without persecution.

Gay pride is not about being proud of our sex lives; it is about showing pride in who we are. Gay pride makes a statement that we will no longer be forced into silence and oppression, but be bold in demanding that we be given equal treatment without regard to the gender of our significant other. We speak out and let our presence be known, for the benefit of others who feel alone or have been abandoned by their loved ones due to the rampant shaming, ignorance, Bible-beating, and discrimination in our society. It is not for the purpose of worshipping sex, but for the fellowship, support, and understanding that occurs when we gather together. It is to let each other know that we are not alone in our pain and our struggles. We make ourselves visible so that politicians and others will be reminded of our presence and our rights, in the hope that other people won't have to go through what we went through just to get treated with some dignity and respect.

Gay Pride festivals and parades should be family-oriented. There are many children with gay parents, more than even our own community realizes. Pride festivals should be a haven for them, too, since they also have to deal with bigotry. Gay parents should be able to bring their children so that they can meet and support each other. Straight parents should be able to bring their children to teach them tolerance and debunk any misconceptions they may have about gay people. Any straight person who wants to learn more about us and who we are should be able to attend, and after doing so, walk away with a greater understanding of the hardships we endure and how they can show greater sensitivity toward us. It should be a supportive, educational experience for all who attend.

In short, Gay Pride events are not just for gays. We need to be careful how we present ourselves, partly because there are other people watching. Passersby and local residents will notice if it looks like we're having a street orgy. They will notice if we are being excessively loud, crude, creating disturbances, etc., and in these cases, we bring prejudice upon ourselves. If our events are a menace or embarrassment to the local community due to our lewd or disruptive conduct, then we should not be surprised when people living in the neighborhood feel resentment towards us and petition their local officials to shut down our events. (By the way, if people get arrested in other places for exposing themselves, why does it seem to be ignored at Pride events? Those people choosing to conduct themselves in such a way should be arrested, too.)

While some people are homophobic and hateful no matter what, there are others whose opinions may have been formed by their unpleasant personal experiences with us in the past. We can't abdicate our responsibility by lumping them all together. Some of them may have legitimate complaints. Can you imagine living close to a Gay Pride event, leaving for church Sunday morning with your children, and having to explain to them why there are people walking around with their private body parts showing? Or having to explain some of the obscenities they were discussing when they were walking by? How can we blame people for being homophobic, if they give us a chance and then we ourselves give them reason to believe the stereotypes?

We already know that when the media covers our events, they will single out the most outrageous things they can find to report. Outrageousness sells. While it would be ridiculous to squash personal expression out of a constant fear that someone somewhere will be offended, it does become a valid concern when we start exposing ourselves or behaving in a lewd manner as part of "personal expression."

Consider this example: People may think we're crazy for challenging gender roles and stereotypes by behaving certain ways or wearing certain clothes that are considered more typical of the opposite gender. However, many of those roles and stereotypes are completely irrational and need to be questioned. People need to have their ideas challenged by seeing women who can fix computers and men with brilliant fashion sense next to those who fit into more "traditional" gender roles. That kind of exposure fosters expansion of the mind. Hopefully, as a result, future generations won't feel their options limited by their gender just because their interests, talents, or taste in apparel don't happen to fit into the rigid molds created by society. There's nothing wrong with sticking out in this way by challenging common beliefs. As a matter of fact, gay folks have a great deal to offer humanity. We are on the cutting edge with respect to our understanding of healthier gender roles, egalitarian relationships, and greater social tolerance. Literally all human progress has been due to a willingness on someone's part to challenge the status quo, and people always viewed the challenger as a nut case.

In contrast to this, some of the behaviors seen at Pride events are lewd and disrespectful of ourselves as human beings. Do we really need to fuel the fire of stereotypes by letting them think of us as perverts? If some people view us as perverts already, how are we helping by acting the part? They're liable to cite examples and say, "If the shoe fits, wear it."

In the end, if we don't respect ourselves, no one else will. If we don't make our Pride events a place of learning, strength, and support for all ages, we can't expect respect from others to be quickly forthcoming. These events are our biggest and most visible event of the year. They are potentially our single most valuable tool for eradicating the fear and ignorance perpetuated by homophobic groups. We have the opportunity during our yearly visibility, to present to the general public a call for tolerance. That's what the original Pride parades and events were about! If we lose sight of that by allowing too much emphasis to be placed on sex, then we only have ourselves to blame for delaying the tolerance we desire.