This affable loser, who was the 'afro-kid' at his high school, came to Melbourne town with the aim of shaking fings up, and making his presence felt straight away. Latching onto the wounded wings of Rob Ashton, he begun by taking on the football club, where his look-away handpasses and helicopter punts caught the eye of Barry Price resulting in a runner-up best and fairest. This was a considerable effort considering that when he runs he resembles the dinosaur Rex from the Toy Story movies. About this time, Pat decided he was sick of his old yet more relevant nickname 'Buttsy' and decided from now on he would be known as 'Yahtzee'. Everyone knows that making up your own nickname is conceited and a subtle form of self-promotion, but this didn't stop the Butts, and just recently he has attempted to change it again, to the confusing and awkward title, 'the Struttler'??

After 2 years at the Old Scotch football club, he had somehow swooned his way onto the committee for appointing the new coach, baffling the usually placid Rob Ashton. How had this train wreck from down bogan way come to be the player’s representative for picking a new coach for one of the most prestigious and well known amateur football clubs in Melbourne? As fate would have it, during this period the Old Scotch Cricket Club was given its revivial and once again P Butler was at the helm, next to another dropkick-made-good in Chris Wood (discussed in blog 1). Butsy’s rise has perplexed many, not excluding myself, who just recently had the pleasure of explaining to Butsy that when holding a knife and fork, the fork should not be treated like shovel. With his index finger now firmly planted on the back of fork, the Struggler can't believe the extra control and finesse he is getting.

In his halcyon days, the women in Frankston posed no challenge for the big-game hunting Butsy, however he has had to work a little harder for his kills in Melbourne town. They say that the double storey Savers in Franger is the best in Victoria, and there's no doubt Butsy has thrashed his way through it before hitting Melbourne town. Kitted up in the types of shirts that even Charlie Sheen wouldn't wear on Two and A Half Men, Yahtzee strolls around town confident that if you fro unlimited darts, at least 1 has to end up hitting the dartboard. His motto of 'no means maybe' has so far seen some success, however, it can’t be too long until ‘no means maybe’ turns into ‘no means no’ and an embarrassing and potentially litigious situation follows.

As mentioned earlier, his strutting about town has seen him end up at the Ed Moffat run, Woodstock cafe, a classy establishment which only serves the finest cuisine in a relaxed suburban setting (there’s my plug). Everyone knows that Moff only hires the most qualified and capable staff and it must be said that it is a surprising coincidence that the only competent staff he can find are 18 year old girls that look like they’ve stepped straight out of a fashion magazine. This bevy of 18 year old hotties, innocent and straight out of school have whet the appetite of the rapturous Butler and from all reports, Moff has had difficulty finding enough staff for Sunday mornings when Pat normally frequents the joint. One particular waitress, let’s call her L Pilley, no wait that’s too obvious, how about Lisa P, has repeatedly denied Yahtzees fretening advances to the point where it has become extremely awkward and Ed has had to ask Pat to leave on a number of occasions. Mothers lock up your daughters, the Struttler is on the town!

So where to next for this audacious go-getter? Can this virus infect the Old Scotch Football and Cricket clubs to the point where their very existence is threatened by this bogan burden? It seems that he’s pining for the captaincies of both clubs, perhaps if we give them to him for a year will he go away quietly into the night? The risk to our reputation is probably not wurf it and as such can only hope that this fing will fro it all away soon and we will only have suffered for free years of our lives.