This is a companion piece to the wildly successful ‘DAKS Mitchell - is he hitting the pitch hord and forst enough?’ After a lean 12 months in drought ravaged Flowerdale Road, the floodgates have opened up for my man DAK Mitchell like TK in a kiddy pool. No one doubted that he was the hardest working player at the club, but this wiry little whippet has outdone himself again. Should I take the credit after my stirring call to arms? Probably not, but I am.
 This is what it looks like when Dak picks up
It all started one balmy Sunday night in the picturesque alfresco setting of 350 Malvern Road celebrating the birthday of Ed Kitchen. A night like any other, the fans were happy just hangin’ wit mates and getting drunk....again. In his room, the birthday boy was busy having his cake and eating it too, while out back DAKS sat, his quips and puns being met with uproarious laughter. But little did he know that he was being watched very closely with a keen eye.... The night’s festivities carried on and the peanut gallery of Eva, Lake, Chalmers, Dohers, Spargo and myself appreciated it from the corner. All of a sudden word came in from our source, Sauce Hickman, 'Woody? Who’s Woody?' she wants a piece of the DAKMAN' 'WHO, WHAT, WHERE' were the cries from the fans as our eyes were drawn to a conversation between DAK and an attentive young girl. “But that’s Woods girl! The one who promised him they would 'do something' but never called!” were the collective cries from the excited group. Nevertheless, the fans were instantly pleased and sided with the underdog DAKs Mitchell. They say real pain for your sham friends and champagne for your real friends, and as such an emergency cup of liquid courage was demanded by WAN and forced into DAKS oblivious mouth. It had the desired effect, enhancing his standing as the punniest person in Melpun. On the battlefront, Tom Whitelaw sat oblivious in the midst of DAK and his potential collect. Most likely dreaming of his next leave outside off, he was unfortunately unaware he was becoming a massive cockblocker. However, he was not the only thing that threatened to block DAKs cock as the evil shadow of the tyrant OSCC President loomed over demanding dialogue with the young lady. It was obvious early on that Woods intention was apocryphal, and with little to offer in comparison to DAK, he was in a hopeless position. The young Larry seemed agitated and uncomfortable in the presence of the slimy conniving gingernut. As more fans joined the party she deployed a classic move, offering to shift seats back next to DAK and with that simple move that was all she wrote.
Dak, Woody, Larry From there on in the deal was sealed and in true house party style it was off down the side to find some comfort in the serene surroundings amongst the old bikes, hoses and low hanging branches. From Sparg's reports it was a romantic outcome for DAKS with the side of the house providing the kind of atmosphere that really relaxes a fair young maiden to succumb to the DAKMANS wandering hands.
So how to play it from there? Standard operationg procedure would be to leave it as a little cheeky mack at a house party and then send the never-fail template text message the next day.
Hey (insert name), How did you pull up? I’m so hung-over, I’m never drinking again. I had an awesome time last night, would love to catch up sometime. Anyway I’ll give you a call sometime soon. See ya From there you then call them when you’re smashed the next week at 3am telling them you’ve been thinking about them all week and you thought now was the most opportune moment for a catch up. These, my friends, are the simple procedures to follow to ensure success. But that’s not how DAK rolled, and before long plans were formulated for a private date. A DATE? A DATE! A DATE!!!!!!!!!!! DAK, are you feeling alright? No one in our friendship group would dare date a girl! I mean it’s just selfish, how are your friends meant to monitor you and make things really awkward? In our friendship group there’s no net you can slip through and it is a scientific fact that it doesn’t happen until you tell the boys. Dating risks serious social exclusion and not to mention potential embarrassment when the girl realises your not as funny or good looking sober. Listen, the criteria for potential girlfriends are simple: 1) friend of a friend 2) private school Once these criteria are met, you go out with your mates who will then at some stage meet up with her mates, you then get pissed and then you stumble home together. That’s our concept of dating DAK, how can you break the rules like this? This wishy washy, oooh la la, fancy restaurant, dressing up and paying for the meal shit is not playing by the well-established Melbourne private school social relationship guidelines.
What a rebel, he doesn't even care, he's not even even drunk Anyhow, indifferent to the fans objections, this rebel marched off on his date and from all reports it turned out quite well to the dismay of best friend turned arch nemesis Chris Wood. Furthermore, the rumour mill is overflowing with news of another date midweek. Needless to say life is pretty good for the DAKMAN right now, he’s charging in, taking wickets and living the high life where the women are loose, the beers are cheap and the music is pumping. For his benefit, it might be time to shut the door on our friend Andrew Mitchell, sending him off away from our negative influences into a world more suited to his charm and charisma. So long old friend….so long So as this chapter of the Hildeblog closes leaving me no more material, another one opens, as the seemingly clear waters surrounding rising star Traviss Orr have parted to reveal the murky depths below. Stay tuned my loyal fans, I’ve been doing some research and the dirt will be dished…. Hilda86 On a final note, Woody's backup for the night also denied him which brought much joy to my heart. |
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Blog Central > The Hildeblog >
DAKS MITCHELL - When it rains it poursposted Feb 5, 2009 11:27 PM by Nich Hildebrandt [ updated Feb 6, 2009 12:10 AM ] |
