> I am very, very happy that I finely found (by Srila
> Prabhupada’s mercy) someone who wants to help. This
> situation frustrate me very much, I was losing my fate
> in Gurudeva, I was thinking that something is wrong
> with him, and plus all this we have no contact with
> him (I know, caitya guru is in heart) but when I have
> doubts I want to that my gurudeva help me to clear
> its.

> Now, I am desperet and thinking to take siksa guru
> with whom I can talk. I know that guru is not doctor
> for mind, but I also have question about sadhana and
> so on… Who can I ask about this, I have no trust in
> anyone here.

Answer:

Your problem is not a new one. Everyone desires association with advanced
devotees. We also had very little personal association with Srila Prabhupada
and even during his lifetime we were forced to learn the following lesson:
that the guru does not mainly express himself by physical appearance but
through his instructions. This is Gaudiya Vaishnava philosophy.
If we rely too much on his phisical appearance, what will happen to our
spiritual lives when the pure devotees will not be anymore present amongst
us? But his instructions and the noble mission to preach Krishna
Consciousness will alway be with us. This is real asssociation. If we
associate with pure devotees but we dont preach, then that association has
very little spiritual value.
So you have Prabhupada’s books and also your Guru Maharaja books, tapes and
rememberances; you have a lot of devotional service to perform, worship of
dieties, association of devotees there in your country, Harinam and so many
other connection with the spiritual world.
Please appreciate what you have, which is sought after even by Devas. Dont
risk to loose that also because of underestimation.

If you need phylosophical explanations and the devotees near you are not
very expert, then read Srila Prabhupada’s books more attentively. And if you
dont find specific answer to you questions, then there are so many older
devotees who will be happy to answer to your questions. Personally I am
always available, if you think i can be of any help.

But if your problem is the quality of association, then the only solution is
to go to live where are more advanced devotees. There are so many centers in
India, for instance, where you can live happily in Krishna Consciousness.