Luo Laoshi Class Notes

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Errors in Essays

 
 
What is an essay or a speech?
 
 
An essay is a typically short piece of writing, usually from an author's personal point of view. Essays are non-fiction but often subjective; while expository, they can also include narrative. ...
 
By tradition, almost by definition, the essay is a short piece, and it is therefore impossible to give all things full play within the limits of a single essay.

An essay does not need a FORMAL introduction or FORMAL conclusion, but it does need some type of Introduction and Conclusion.  In that regard it is like the paragraph which needs a topic sentence and a concluding sentence.
 
Many students are not introducing their essays.
 
Take this essay for example:
 
Nowadays there are more and more people inclined to commit suicide when their life become miserable and even more people have chosen to abandon their lives in this way. Statistics show the problem is getting severer.
 
A proper introduction to this would have been:
 
Today, Suicide is a major cause of death amongst young people.
 
[That immediately tells us what this essay is going to be about.]
 
Many young people today are inclined to commit suicide when their lives become miserable, and according to statistics, this problem is becoming increasingly more severe.
 
Take this essay for example:
 
Chinese Association of Mental Health shows that suicide has become the No.1 killer of Chinese people between the ages of 15 and 34.  As far as I am concerned, there may be two reasons for that.
 
That last sentence did not belong in that paragraph.  It would have been better to have written:
 
Para 1:  
According to the Chinese Association of Mental Health, suicide has become the No.1 killer of Chinese people between the ages of 15 and 34.
 
Para 2:
As I considered this situation it occurred to me that there may be two predominant reasons why young people consider suicide.
 
Para 3:
Firstly........................................
 
Para 4:
The Second reason I came up with for why young people suicide is that.................................

"As far as I am concerned"
 
This is an expression that you need to be wary of, because it can carry with it a connotation of arrogance, refusal or rebellion.
 
Example:  Person A:   I think John is a very lovely person!
Person B:  As far as I am concerned he is not!
 
"As far as I am concerned" really means 'I disagree with you!'
 
There is a correct way to use it  but for the time being, try not to use it at all.  It is much like the expression: 'Of Course!'   What you mean and what a person hears, are two different things.
 
The expression:  "In my Opinion" also needs to be used with caution.

Order in Writing
 
The example which follows, has a serious flaw that ruins the message.  It is very easy to correct.
 
Title:  Suicide among young people.
 
As we know, our society is a competitive society.  Nowadays, students have much more pressure than before. They should face the endless examinations.  They must work hard on their courses if they don't want to let their parents and teachers down.
 
Another problem is that most Chinese parents just care about our examination marks.  They don't care about our mental health and what we think inside.  This may be the first reason which lead to suicide among children.
 
That last sentence should have been first.  The title itself becomes the introduction to the topic of the essay, and that last sentence would be the introduction to the work.
 
 
Title:  Suicide among young people.
 
There may be many reasons why young children today commit suicide, but I think the first  / most important reason, is that parents don't care about their child's mental health and don't bother to find out what they truly think or feel on 'the inside'. 
 
As we know,  nowadays our society is very competitive and students have much more pressure than in the past. They face endless examinations and must constantly work hard on their courses if they don't want to let their parents and teachers down.
 
 
 

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Two Writing Skills in Essays
 
The first skill is Planning the outline.
 
The second skill is writing compound-complex sentences.
 
 
Whilst it will take you much time and practice getting used to writing more complicated sentences, it yet remains extremely obvious that most students are not bothering to do outlines/bones for their essays.
 
Handing me a piece of paper with an outline that you wrote "After" you finished writing your essay is a waste of your time and mine.
 
The Outline/Bones is what is supposed to give your work it's structure, coherence, and logic.
 
Take the time to think about your Outline/Bones. 
 
Prepare one before you write.
 
When you have finished writing - if you are happy with it -
 
THEN YOU ARE A BETTER BLOODY WRITER THAN I AM
 
Learn to distance yourself from your writing for a day or so and then go back and Analyse what you have written as if someone else had written it.  Take a good look at how crappy it is, and then do a re-write!
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 
 

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What makes any writing "Good"?
 
Reasons why some students think that their essays are very good:
 
  • Because they put a lot of information into them.
  • Because the work is original.
  • Because they made interesting statements/ interesting facts.
  • Because each sentence is grammatically correct.
None of these things makes your Essay good, if your presentation is disjointed, incoherent, or illogical.  These points were covered in the article on The Body of a Speech   and the article on The Bones of a speech
 
In the article entitled: "The Body of a Speech", the following points were listed in relation to the various drafts that are required in essay writing.
  • Does it make sense? (Coherent)
  • Is our position supportable within the text? (Justifiable)
  • Is each sentence grammatically correct?
  • Can some sentences be combined (compound-complex)
  • Have we mixed tenses?
  • Do the paragraphs follow logical order?
  • Is the transition from paragraph to paragraph successful?
  • Do we need to narrow the topic?
  • Did we accomplish what we set out to do?
In the Article on the "Bones of a Speech" it was made clear that you need to Structure your Essay. 
 
You need to list out the points that you wish to make, then group those points into sections or paragraphs. 
 
When you have done that, you begin to write each paragraph, sentence by sentence.
 
A good essay does not provide all compound-complex sentences or "all" any other type of sentence.  It provides a mix of sentences to suit the point being made.  A direct point for instance is usually just a single simple sentence.
 
As each point follows the next, so the sentence order must be consecutive, chronological, coherent or logical within the paragraph.
 
It takes time to learn how to do all this automatically in your head as you write.  Until it becomes second nature to you, you must write out the points in 'point fashion' and arrange the points according to some logical order.
 
What makes an essay 'good' is that the combination of skills used by the writer, makes it easy for the reader to follow the line of thought.
 
 

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Quality of Homework

Outline / Bones of the Essay


I don't know whether some students were lazy, did the outlines at the last minute, or simply do not understand what they were supposed to do.  When I asked for the outline of your essay I did not want something like this:

Outline:

1.  Most of teenagers choose suicide.

2.  We should have an optimistic attitude towards out life.


I wanted something like this:


Topic:  Committing Suicide

 
1.  Cases of people committing suicide.
 
 
2.  Causes: 
 
a. Personal:
  • i) Mental Problems
  • ii)Pressures of life
  • iii) Frustrations
b.  Social
  • i) Fierce Competition
  • ii) Broken Family
  • iii) Other Difficulties

3.Precautions 

  • a)  Confiding in others
  • b)  Join Social Activities
  • c)  Help Others
  • d)  Keep a light mood
  • e)  Exercise regularly.
The student knew what points he wished to make, and arranged them in an order the he considered suitable.
 
Then he started writing.
 
 

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Paragraph Transitions:
 
 
Many students are getting the hang of this.  Many are not!  Many others have discovered that if you structure your essay in point fashion, [firstly - secondly], then you don't need a transitional sentence connecting paragraphs.
 
However you do need a concluding sentence to a paragraph -
 
AND - a concluding paragraph to your essay.