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Introduction Errors

 
 
Some Common Errors
 
 
Year old or Years old?
 
It depends!
 
I'm ___, a 20 year old girl from ___
I'm ___, and I'm a 20 year old only child from___
My name is ___ and I am a 20 year old Sophomore English Major ...
 
My name is ___, I'm 20 years old, and I come from ___
I'm ___, I'm 20 years old, and I come from____
Tenses:
 
I used to study in __ Middle school and now I came to YTC....
[now - I am in /or/ now I have come to TYU]
 
I attend ___ Middle school and now attend YTC
[both are present tense]
 
 Last year I attended YTC = this year I do not.
 
 
 
 Other Things:
 
 
After I graduation / should be/  
After I graduated or after graduation.
 
I want to work in my hometown so I can see my family conveniently / is Chinglish.  [Because I want to be close to my family, I would like to work in my hometown]
 
I'm the only child of my family and live together with my parents / plus / I really enjoy living with my roomates in Yancheng. [You live in 2 different places with 2 different sets of people at the same time?]
 
5 people in my family; my father, my mother, my elderly brother, my elderly sister and I.  ['elderly = very old/ an old man]
 
...now studying in YTC which I chose according to my poor grades...  / more Chinglish/   ...now studying in YTC because my poor Entrance Examination scores do not permit me to study in the university of my choice.
 
"I now study in YTC which is near my hometown" -  does not grammatically tell me the reason for choosing YTC. [I now study in YTC because it is near my hometown]
 
I major in English because of interest.
(Because of my interest in English, I chose it as my major)
 
I'm majored in English.....[I am majoring in English / I major in English]
 
I choose English as my major because........  [I chose [past action]  it because / I am choosing [present action for the future] English because]
 
Teaching is a very tired job.
(Teaching is a very tiring job)
 
I'm the only child now living with my parents in Yancheng.../
[= my siblings no longer live at home]
 
I'm the only child to live with my Mother and Father = No other child has ever lived with them, including cousins etc.
 
There are 3 people in my family; my father, my mother and I, so I have no brothers or sisters.
 [This is redundant - see: Common Redundancies] 
 
If there are only 3 people, and they are your Father, Mother and You, then of course you have no brothers or sisters.
 
Watch out when using the expression: 'Of Course!'  It often carries with it the implied meaning that you are stupid for asking that question.  [Are you a girl?  Of Course I am! = Are you stupid or something?]
 
I come from a nuclear family so there are only 3 people in my family.
I belong to a nuclear family so I don't have any brothers or sisters.
 
[A Nuclear Family is one that consists of only Parents and their children. - It is not an extended family with grandparents or cousins.
A Nuclear can have any number of children. From NUCLEAR, basic, cardinal, central.]
 
How to answer questions 4 and 5.
 
I come from a 3 person family and have no siblings.
There are 6 people in my family; my three siblings, my parents and I.
I come from ____ where I still live with my 3 siblings and parents.
There are 6 people in my family; my grandparents, my parents, my brother and I.
There are only 3 people in my family; my father, my mother and I.
I am the only child in a Nuclear Family of three (people).
I am the only child in a 3 person nuclear family.
 
 

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Logic
 
My name is ___ and I'm a 20 year old student from Nantong Jiangsu. 
 
[Meaning = you are NOW a 20 year old student IN Nantong]
 
Correction:   My name is ___ and I'm a 20 year old,  former student from Nantong in Jiangsu, where, in 2007, I graduated from ___ Middle School, but now I'm a University Sophomore English Major in YTC.
 
-or-
 
My name is ___ and I'm a 20 year old University Sophomore English Major; formerly from Nantong in Jiangsu, where, in 2007, I graduated from ___ Middle School.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Visitors please note:  
 
The errors listed here relate to a 'Grammar Exercise' in the use of Compound-Complex sentences, within an Introduction format.
 
Answer the Questions in 4-5 Compound-Complex Sentences
 
1.   What is your name?
2.   How old are you?
3.   Where do you come from?
4.   How many people are there in your family?
5.   Do you have any brothers or sisters?
6.   Which high school did you attend?
7.   Which university do you attend?
8.    Why did you choose this university
9.   What year/grade are you in?
10.   What is your Major?
11.   Why did you choose this major
12.  What work do you want to work in the future?
13. What City do you want to work in?
14.  Why do you want to do that work?
15.  Where do you currently live?
16.  With whom do you live?
17.  Do you like living there?
 

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Too much Information
 
 
Some students are trying to provide Better Introductions  by providing more and/or more interesting information.
 
However, the test is to see if you can include all 17 pieces of information in just 4-5 sentences. 
 
Provided you can do that, you can include as much extra information as you like, as long as it fits grammatically.
 
In the 'text box' below there is an example of a student trying to add too much information.
 

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More about Logic
 
 
I'm ___ and I'm a 21 year old girl from a family which has four members, just like the most girls, I have a brother who is six years younger than me and who now studies in ___ Middle school in __ County which is a very good and costly school though I attended the No. 1 Middle School which is not that good, I don't envy him.
 
Do most girls have a brother six years younger?
Is your county a school?
 
We may understand your meaning, but what did you actually write.
 
I remember the headline in the newspaper which read:  "Most men don't wash their hands in the Toilet."   Well!  I certainly don't.  I wash my hands in the wash basin.  - or the headline which read: 'Man shoots dead wife in court' - Why would anyone shoot someone who is dead and why was his dead wife in court in the first place?
 
In the future I want to be a translator in some modern cities. I think that would be very cool and comfortable.
 
I presume that 'that' means the job of translator.  That job would be a "cool job" - neat - great - excellent. 
 
Unfortunately, within the original sentence,  'cool and comfortable' refers to the atmosphere or temperature. 'cool' and 'comfortable' go together to create a picture of the environment. 
 
Either only one expression should be used or the two should be seperated.
This semester I'm a second-year English major student because I love this beautiful city and this university.
So what was your major last semester?
You chose to be an English Major because you like this city?
 

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Out of Sequence:
 
My name is ---, I'm 20 years old and lived with my parents, sister and brother in B__, a small town in Yancheng.  But now I am living with my roomates in school, and I like living with them for we have the same sense of humor.  I am a graduate of B___ Middle School and now I am a sophomore English Major.......
 
The student connected "lived with" to "now I am living". but in doing so created 2 sentences.  They should have been once sentence.
 
After the second sentence the student then referred to the Middle school in the town of B___ and connected that to YTC.  It would have been better to connect the first mention of the town to the second mention of the town.
 
Here are the examples of my meaning.
 
My name is ---, I'm 20 years old and formerly lived with my parents, sister and brother in B__, a small town in Yancheng, but now I live with my roomates in school, and I like living with them for we have the same sense of humor.  In 2007 I graduated from B___ Middle School and I am currently a sophomore English Major in YTC.......
 
- or -
 My name is ---, I'm 20 years old and lived with my parents, sister and brother in a small town in Yancheng called B__ and in 2007 I graduated from B___ Middle school and came to YTC where I am currently a Sophomore English Major. [Later add mention of the dormitory] 
 
Subpages (3): Errors in Essays Good Introductions More Introduction Corrections Page 2