society
what society has made me
the victim or the perpetrator
the boy or the grown man
so many trials trapped in this body
not meant to be so experienced
not meant to be so torn
it seems a million years of ignorance
shoved into just a few
and would it be that nobody cares
or even gives a damn

five years old when it started
and suffering ever since
and nobody knows my heart
and nobody feels my hurt
i weep and i cry
can no one hear me scream
through this darkness in which i live
i simply crave the love i need
to save my bleeding soul
but who is there to care
to love this broken child

the hate is overwhelming
hate for the innermost
and acceptance not it finds
not in my mind
nor in my soul
nor my molested body
nor in my trembling hands
it finds not diversity
only a stone cold wall
that faith had built

eventually truth i found
but possibly too late
or maybe not.
for now i stand entrapped
caged in my sins
my faults
doing not what would be expected
what i felt temptation calling me to
though it would be so easy
no, it would hurt so much

it's not society that cares for me
not the one who abused
nor the ones who advantage took
but the father who died for me
who hung in my place
and watched
and wept
and waited

bitterness controlling
but not toward God as so many
but toward so many
i try to love
fall crashing into lust
i try not to cry
drug screaming into despair
i try to end it all
but faith restores my soul
i'll never understand why

why God cares so much
when I give so little
why that man stole my innocence
and cursed my thoughts
why i suffer so long
for those few minutes
why no one can truly know
the pain i feel
but who am i indeed
who am i to question why