"My room at 19:00," John said as they walked out of the afternoon staff meeting. Rodney resisted the urge to glance around; they were the last to leave and if John thought anyone was in earshot, he wouldn't have said anything. As it was, he nodded and headed for the hallway that led to the transporter.

"McKay," John called after him and Rodney turned around and waited until John caught up. As they walked along, John leaned in and, casually, if he were discussing something trivial like today's menu in the mess hall, said, "I want you clean--inside and out--prepped and wearing the medium silicone plug."

And really, Rodney should have been used to this sort of thing by now, but still, he all but stumbled over his own feet. John just grinned, clapped him hard on the shoulder and strolled the other way.

John was, Rodney thought that evening as he stripped and stepped into the shower, unlike any top he'd ever been with. With John there were no formalities on either side, which was a good thing; Rodney had once ruined a scene by bursting out laughing when the domme involved called him a "good boy." And, when they'd first discussed the whole thing, John had rolled his eyes and said, "I get called 'sir' all the damn time by my men, and 'master' is like something out of bad porn."

He also didn't seem to mind that it took forever for Rodney to get into headspace. As much as Rodney loved the pain and the feeling of relief when he could finally give in and let someone else take over, surrendering came hard to him and he saw no reason to make it easy for his top. "You act like you're doing me a favor," he'd been told and yeah, that scene had ended too, this time because Rodney had smirked and told the guy, "I am."

Of course, with John, there were other things to consider.

Rodney sighed as he finished the more normal part of his shower. "But the showers here don't have hoses," he'd said back when John had handed him the nozzle-like attachment and Rodney had figured out what it was for.

"Isn't one of your doctorates in engineering?" John had asked with a smirk on his face. "If you can't make it work, I can always pick up an enema kit for you." He'd paused and then added, "of course, then I might feel you needed to be supervised...."

"Bastard," Rodney muttered now, his face burning. He'd had a chance to get out of this kind of thing when they'd negotiated--Rodney had sent a detailed checklist to John and received an email that read, in its entirety, "Yeah okay. As for me, I don't play with fire and I won't call you a faggot when I'm humiliating you."

"Like this isn't humiliating enough...." Rodney said to himself, fiddling with the shower attachment as hot water ran over his back.

Several minutes later when he finally stepped out of the shower, he glared down at his dick, which was already hard and curving up against his belly. "Traitor."

There was a hidden storage space in the back of his closet--which had always made Rodney wonder just what the Ancient who lived in this room 10,000 years ago had kept in there. Rodney used it to hide a locked box that contained an odd combination of toys purchased on Earth, toys he or John had jury-rigged out of other things, and one or two items John had picked up at a market fair on M34-028 while Rodney was looking over a pile of old artifacts.

The plug was something from Earth; made from silicone, it was dark purple and really not that big. Or at least not that big compared to John, but still, Rodney had to use three fingers on himself before he felt comfortable pushing it into place.

For some definition of comfortable, he thought, catching his breath as he sat up. God, that felt good--not comfortable, but good nonetheless.

It was ten to seven by the time Rodney was dressed again, but he knew better than to head up the hall to John's room. When John gave him a time, he meant it; Rodney had been early once and after giving John a blow job, he'd been sent back to his room rock hard. He hadn't been allowed come for a week.

So now he took a few minutes, breathing quietly and trying to get into something that vaguely resembled headspace. This isn't about me, he told himself. But no, that was all well and good as far as the rhetoric went, but it was also bullshit. If it really wasn't about him, then he wouldn't have a safeword. Actually, if he wasn't getting something out of this, he wouldn't be doing it all.

I get something out of it if I make John happy, if I do what he wants. That was a little better; quid pro quo was the real name of the game, and if John got his first...well, what Rodney got out of it was worth the wait. And if you behave, do what John tells you to do...you'll get yours that much sooner.

Determined to behave, he headed out the door and down the hall, arriving at John's door at exactly 19:00. It was, Rodney figured, a good start.

John was lounging on his bed, still in uniform and flipping through a golf magazine. Rodney frowned a little. It didn't look like he'd even shaved, let alone showered. Frowning more, Rodney ran a hand across his own smooth chin.

"Take your clothes off," John said, not even looking up from his magazine.

"'Hey, Rodney,'" Rodney said, doing his best to mimic John's voice. "'You look good.'"

"Jesus, what is it with you?" John kept his gaze on the magazine. "One simple order...." He sighed. "Rodney, take your fucking clothes off or I'll roll this magazine up and swat you with it the way I would a puppy I was training."

"Sorry," Rodney muttered as he began to unbutton his shirt. Puppy play wasn't really his thing and John knew it.

"See, that's the thing." John finally glanced up. "You can't come in here and just do as you're told, can you?"

"You'd look for the pod if I did." John arched an eyebrow and Rodney gave him an innocent look. "What? I'm taking off my clothes."

"Stop. Stand still." John got off the bed and headed for his closet--Rodney wasn't the only one with a secret storage space. After rummaging for a moment, he turned around, bit gag in hand. Rodney narrowed his eyes.

"You never said...."

"No, I didn't. And no, it's not a standing order. But you know what? I don't really feel like dealing with your whole thing tonight." He moved to stand in front of Rodney. "Open your mouth."

Rodney thought about bitching, but no, he really shouldn't push too hard and get the evening off track even more than it already was. After all, he was all too aware of the plug up his ass and he still wanted to get fucked at some point. He opened his mouth but said nothing.

It helped that it was a bit gag; he hated the way ball gags made his jaw ache. John fit it into his mouth and then buckled it, checking carefully to make sure it wasn't too tight. He backed off a little, tilted his head and looked Rodney over. Leaning back in, he slapped Rodney hard and then nodded.

"Hey Rodney. You look good," he said with a smirk.

His face still burning, Rodney bit down on the gag and managed, somehow, not to glare at John, even though it was obvious that John was waiting for it. John smiled, and brought his hand up, and stroked Rodney's cheek. "You're right, you know. I would look for the pod."

He headed back toward the bed and sat down. "Finish undressing and then come over here."

Rodney obeyed, trying not to stare at the bed. Now that John wasn't in the way, he could see a towel laid out. There was nothing on top of it, but that was fairly common and merely meant that the toys were underneath it and John didn't want Rodney to know his plan for the evening. When Rodney shivered a little as he walked over to stand in front of John, it had nothing to do with being cold.

"You gonna need a cock ring?"

Holding up his hand, Rodney waggled it back and forth. Depends on what you have planned.

"Okay, no cock ring." John slid his arms around Rodney's hips, pulling him close and then nuzzling Rodney's cock a little. Rodney moaned at the familiar feeling of stubble rough against sensitive skin and then hissed in surprise when John pushed hard on the base of the plug.

"Mmmm," John murmured against Rodney's hip. "You think you're ready for me, don't you?"

Rodney nodded and John chuckled. "I'm not so sure." He pressed at the base of the plug again. "I want to hurt you a little first; I like the way pain makes you easier to handle."

It was a good thing Rodney was gagged and that he remembered just in time that snorting sarcastically would be a bad idea. Still, some of what Rodney was thinking must have been visible on his face, because John looked up and smirked at him.

"Okay, yeah, there's also the fact that I'm a sadist."

"Mmmm hmmm...." Rodney did his best to agree.

"Wish I could hurt you more," John said, so softly that Rodney had to strain to listen. "Next time we're on Earth, I'm gonna make you scream for me." Rodney caught his breath and nodded when John looked up. No serious pain on Atlantis, where even a day off wasn't really a day off; they'd agreed on it and it was a good rule. At times like this, it wasn't easy for either of them to remember that.

"But I've got something else in mind for tonight," John said, utterly changing the mood with a swift grin. "You're gonna love it. First, bend over, hands on the mattress."

Taking a deep breath, Rodney stepped to one side and then bent over. He was better at this sort of thing then he had been back when they'd first started; maybe there was something to be said for a more active lifestyle. He shivered a little when John move to stand behind him.

"Nice," John said, running a hand over Rodney's ass. "All mine." Rodney shivered again and pressed back against John's hand. "Greedy...." John slide his fingers over the sensitive skin where Rodney's ass met his thighs. Pinching hard, he laughed a little when Rodney whimpered. "We're on my schedule, not yours. And trust me, you're going to appreciate the fact that I took my time here."

Rodney did his best to relax. It wasn't easy; he wasn't anywhere near where he needed to be and he bit down on the gag hard, almost angrily. John pinched him again, and Rodney winced.

"You just can't go down easy, can you?" John sounded more thoughtful than angry or scornful. "Someday, we're going take the time to do this right; I'll bring you down without any pain at all."

Biting at the gag again, Rodney wanted to protest or apologize or...something. It was stupid; he really did like submitting and, unlike people Rodney had done this with before, John had earned it. He spread his hands against the bed and braced himself.

"It's okay," John said, reaching for something. Rodney closed his eyes, not wanting to know what John was going to use on him. "I'll get you there."

The first blow made Rodney catch his breath. It was the strap, the one John had made out of an old belt, and it hurt like hell. The next blow came in hard and fast, and Rodney bit down hard on the gag. This...oh fuck...this is what I need...oh holy fuck.... It hurt--John wasn't holding back--and Rodney let it work on him the way it always did, waiting for that point when the pain blurred and melted and washed over him until, finally, something inside him became malleable and everything shifted.

When it happened, he moaned, spread his legs a little wider and lowered his head. It wasn't that he stopped thinking--Rodney never stopped thinking--more that he was able to push the thoughts somewhere where he didn't need to pay attention to them.

"Oh yeah," John murmured, running one of his hands across the warm skin of Rodney's ass. "Up on the bed," he said, giving Rodney a slight smack. "I want you kneeling facing me."

Keeping his head down, Rodney got into position, hissing a little as he rested his ass on his heels. When John reached down and rested a hand on Rodney's cheek, Rodney leaned into it, nuzzling it as well as he could with the gag in place.

"Good," John murmured, reaching aorund to unbuckle the gag. "I don't think we need this anymore." Rodney remained silent while John removed the gag, but he moaned a little into John's mouth when John bent and kissed him once it was gone. "That's right; I like it when you're good for me."

John stepped around the bed, but Rodney keept his eyes down. It was strangely comfortable, knowing that he had no control over what was about to happen and as he heard a slightly odd, kind of fabricy sound behind him, he didn't even speculate on what John was doing.

"Okay," John said. "On your back here, yeah, on the pillows with your hands up above your head." In addition to a pair of pillows for his head, there were several more piled on top of each other in the middle of the bed and John guided Rodney until he was lying down, his lower back on the pillows with his ass hanging off them just a little. John pulled a pair of soft leather cuffs out from under the towel and cuffed Rodney's hands to the weird Ancient head board/sculpture thing.

"You comfortable?"

Rodney nodded and John smiled.

"It's okay to talk." He settled on the bed between Rodney's legs, pushing them apart. "In fact, I'm going to want your input since we're doing something new here."

"Okay," Rodney murmured.

"See," John said, staring closely at his fingernails for some reason, "I realized the other day that there's something we've never done. So I looked over your checklist and imagine my surprise; you've never done this at all." He smiled up at Rodney as he reached under the towel. "Trust me."

"Always," Rodney said. It was nothing more than the truth, but it made John smile.

At first, Rodney was a little surprised; the only thing John pulled out from under the towel was something that looked like lube, although it wasn't their usual brand. But then, John reached forward and played with the plug a little, moving it in and out of Rodney until Rodney was moaning and squirming.

By the time John pulled the plug out and replaced it with two slick fingers, Rodney wasn't thinking about much of anything beyond, more more more! He spread his legs wider and rocked into John's touch, moaning when John pushed another finger in. He could feel a little bit of a burn now; John was twisting his fingers and opening Rodney up and oh God, hopefully he'd decide he'd prepped Rodney enough and actually fuck him.

"Please," Rodney said softly, as John pulled back.

The only reply was a chuckle and Rodney bit back another plea as John pushed his fingers back in. Only this time there were four fingers and Rodney caught his breath as he felt himself stretching to take it.

"Breathe," John said, stroking Rodney's thigh. "Easy breaths; we've got all night to do this."

"Do what?" Rodney asked. He was doing his best to breathe carefully, but John was twisting and spreading his fingers while fucking Rodney with all four of them and it was pretty intense. Not that there was anything wrong with intense, oh hell no.

"Haven't figured it out yet?" John grinned as he pulled his fingers out and Rodney heard the faint squelch of lube.

Before he could answer John, or even think about it much, John's fingers were moving back into him and....

"Oh God," Rodney moaned, feeling it when he tensed up; John's fingers seemed bigger, like there were more of them, which meant....

"Oh God," he said again. "John, you...I can't."

"You safewording?" John went still, his fingers and thumb still pressing into Rodney.

"I...." Rodney wanted to say no, that he wasn't going to safeword, that he wanted what John wanted. But this...this was terrifying. "I don't know," he finally said, his voice hesitant. He looked up at John. "I just don't...convince me? Please?"

John took a somewhat unsteady breath. "It's different...it's...." His voice trailed off and while normally Rodney would laugh and tell him that he wasn't doing a very good job with the convincing, this time he remained silent, waiting for John to speak again. "It's close," John finally said. "It's you...it's you trusting me. I want that, want to see it."

"All right, then." Rodney breathed in deeply and then did it again, doing his best to relax. John pulled his fingers out, applied more lube and then pushed back inside Rodney.

"Keep breathing like that," he said, rotating his hand a little. "You have no idea...it's so fucking hot watching you take it."

Rodney tried to breathe evenly, but God, with every incremental push in, even at a mere centimeter at a time, he could feel just how big John's hand was, how much it was opening him up in a way that he'd never felt before.

Vancouver. The word was right there on the tip of his tongue, ready to spill out of his mouth as soon as he decided that he'd had enough. But he gritted his teeth against it; John wanted this, thought it was hot, had asked for Rodney's trust and Rodney simply could not deny him that.

And maybe, he thought as he felt John's knuckles begin to move into him, just maybe, he wanted this too. If he said the word now, if he backed down, he'd never know what he'd missed.

"God," he gasped. "Oh fuck...I can't...no really...I can't...." Somehow, protesting, insisting he couldn't do it made it easier to bear.

"Yes you can," John said, his voice harsh and deep. "This is it, the hardest part. I want you to breathe in."

Rodney swallowed and obeyed.

"Good," John kept his hand in place and drizzled more lube on it. "As I push in, let your breath out...now."

It hurt--oh fuck, it hurts a whole fucking lot--and Rodney heard himself make a high-pitched keening sound as he breathed out. And then, everything shifted somehow and he was through it and on the other side, still sore, but not too sore. And John....

John was staring down, his eyes wide. "Jesus, Rodney. You took it all; I've got my whole fucking hand in you."

He turned his wrist, just a little but Rodney felt it and moaned. He'd taken big dicks and even bigger toys, but this was a fullness and a pressure like nothing he'd felt before. It felt amazing and terrifying, and then John's knuckles brushed against his prostate and his whole body shivered in response.

"Oh God," he moaned.

"Like that?" John asked, pressing in deeper. "You do like it, don't you?"

"Yeah," Rodney said closing his eyes so he could concentrate on the feeling. John pushed in a little further and then pulled back just a bit, and Rodney moaned again. "You were right...oh God...it's...close." He couldn't think of any other word at the moment.

"Yeah," John said. He leaned forward and put his free hand on Rodney's chin, gripping it lightly. "You're mine, aren't you, Rodney?"

Rodney's breath caught in his throat and then his body lost the last of its tenseness. "Yes," he said, tilting his head back in surrender. "Yours."

John's hand moved down to rest on Rodney's throat while his other hand pushed further inside Rodney's body. Rodney moaned softly as John began to fuck him oh-so-carefully with his fist. Rodney's cock, which had gone limp earlier, now began to get hard again and Rodney found himself rocking slightly, his hips moving with the steady rhythm John was setting.

"Fuck," John murmured. "That's so...I knew you'd love it, knew you'd take it and want more." his hand went a little tight on Rodney's neck; not enough to cut off Rodney's air, but enough that Rodney could feel it, feel where a collar would be if John wanted him to wear one.

Each push of John's fist, each brush of his knuckles against Rodney's prostate, felt better and better. Soon enough, Rodney was panting and his cock was hard and leaking where it rested against his stomach. "John," he moaned. "John...please...so good, so fucking good...please...yours...."

Rodney knew he was babbling, but he'd reached that place where he didn't care, where dignity and the fear of being foolish fell away and all he knew was the sensations John gave him. It still hurt, but that just made it better; as always, his body took that pain and turned it into something else, something bright and piercing.

"Please please please...."

"Rodney," John's voice was enough to stop Rodney's words, but he still moaned and whimpered as he stared up at John. "It's okay; I want you to come for me now." He pushed in just a little further and Rodney's body arched into John's touch and he came with a hoarse shout.

He was still breathless and aching when John spoke again. "Okay, are you back with me?" Rodney nodded, not sure he trusted himself to actually say anything coherant. "Good. You need to start breathing deeply again; pulling out is almost as intense as going in."

It was intense and Rodney was aware that would probably hurt a lot more if he weren't floating on a haze of endorphins. As it was, he got through it fairly easily and, as John went to wash up, Rodney relaxed, feeling utterly boneless and satiated. Only...there was something nagging at him and he found himself frowning as he tried to figure it out.

It hit him when John came back into the room. "You didn't," Rodney began. "Please...let me do something for you, let me make you feel good."

"You did something for me," John said, sitting down next to Rodney. He shook his head, looking somewhat amazed. Holding up his hand, he pointed to a spot midway up his forearm. There was a thin line on his arm, almost like a scratch. "I marked my arm while I was in you. That's how much of it you took."

"Wow," Rodney said, blinking.

"Yeah, wow." John leaned down and kissed Rodney. "You were fantastic and so good for me. Believe me, I'm still...I don't need anything more right now." Reaching up, he unhooked the cuffs from the stone sculpture. "I'm going to chain you to the bed though. I'll let you rest for a while and then later...I think I'll want your mouth."

"It's yours," Rodney said as John clipped one of the cuffs to the longer chain attached to one leg of the bed. This was familiar and he let himself relax and John rearranged the pillows and tossed the towel and the lube onto the floor.

"I'm yours, you know," he added as John settled in next to him.

"Yeah," John said, reaching up and resting his hand on Rodney's throat again. "You are."

-end-

Notes: This was written for wolfshark who, thanks to a generous donation, purchased my porn writing services as part of the livelongnmarry No on CA Prop 8 auction. I'd like to thank her for making a donation and for being patient. :)  She asked for John fisting Rodney in the context of a D/s relationship, which made it interesting to write, as I usually put Rodney on top. But the more I thought about it, the more I could see Rodney as someone who goes down, but only for someone he really trusts and never without a fight.

Thank you to Darkrose for the beta and to livelongnmarry for the auction and again to wolfshark for her donation. The title is a lyric from U2's song "Beautiful Day."

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