I think that this is good because you have something personal to share with everybody. The time part I totally agree with. The past is the past and we are in the present.
teidoublegaer - 4/9/2008 2:55PM PDT
I like it. I think you should add in more examples but it is very solid. Good Job <3
kubavb7 - 4/9/2008 4:43PM PDT
I like it. I think that you should be more descriptive in some parts though. It just seems kind of short.
pepperr - 4/9/2008 5:25PM PDT
Nice job!! I like the part where you share personal things that people can relate to. One thing I would fix is where you said"I have an example of why you should live life to the fullest". Try to make the transition a little smother so that it leader to the next paragraph, or just take that sentence out. Also, no spaces between paragraphs for high school, remember? :) nice writing!!
4ways - 4/9/2008 8:00PM PDT
I like it! Even though it's short, it's still really good! Maybe use another phrase instead of "live life to your fullest" sometimes so it doesn't seem too repetitive. Also, you might want to expand a little on some of these ideas.
masterchief - 4/13/2008 10:25AM PDT
This is a very deep belief statement. It can connect to everyone because everyone does have a timed life. The whole "live your life to the fullest" and "You never know when your life may be over"
stuff gets kind of repetitive maybe try mixing it up and use different word choice. Overall, it is a good piece of writing that states everything you need to show the readers what you mean. Great writing!
chocoboguardianforce - 4/9/2008 2:53PM PDT
I think that this is good because you have something personal to share with everybody. The time part I totally agree with. The past is the past and we are in the present.
teidoublegaer - 4/9/2008 2:55PM PDT
I like it. I think you should add in more examples but it is very solid. Good Job <3
kubavb7 - 4/9/2008 4:43PM PDT
I like it. I think that you should be more descriptive in some parts though. It just seems kind of short.
pepperr - 4/9/2008 5:25PM PDT
Nice job!! I like the part where you share personal things that people can relate to. One thing I would fix is where you said"I have an example of why you should live life to the fullest". Try to make the transition a little smother so that it leader to the next paragraph, or just take that sentence out. Also, no spaces between paragraphs for high school, remember? :) nice writing!!
4ways - 4/9/2008 8:00PM PDT
I like it! Even though it's short, it's still really good! Maybe use another phrase instead of "live life to your fullest" sometimes so it doesn't seem too repetitive. Also, you might want to expand a little on some of these ideas.
masterchief - 4/13/2008 10:25AM PDT
This is a very deep belief statement. It can connect to everyone because everyone does have a timed life. The whole "live your life to the fullest" and "You never know when your life may be over"
stuff gets kind of repetitive maybe try mixing it up and use different word choice. Overall, it is a good piece of writing that states everything you need to show the readers what you mean. Great writing!